If you found out you had a half sibling

[Aphrathestorm]

I was talking to a friend yesterday and I said my DF was in his late 30s when he had me so it's not beyond imagination that I could have an older half sibling out there somewhere. Especially as he lived in different places.

I'd be really interested in meeting them. I'm an only child and would love that link to someone else.

But my friend said she wouldnt want to know! That she wouldnt feel any connection and would t want the disruption to her family dynamic.

So who's view is most typical.

I thought most people would be at least curious?

I wouldn't want to know
I'd be worried in case they had a legal claim on my parents' house.

This actually makes me think of a book I read called 'people person' - it is about 5 half siblings who share an absent father.

They are strangers but then are drawn together.

It was a good story.

For me genes are important- what if someone needs a transplant or bone marrow? A shared upbringing won't make a match!

Maybe I feel it more because I'm an only child. I'm so jealous of people with siblings! I feel very alone in the world. I have very few blood relatives.

The one thing that I'd be wary of is potential issues with inheritance. I'll admit I wouldnt be up for dividing that in 2!

My DH has 3 half siblings that he's never met. 2 from his Mum's previous marriage and one from a fling his Dad had in the early 60's. He has no interest in meeting any of them.

I'd have no interest whatsoever. My family is crazy enough without inviting more of them in.

I have a half sibling who was the result of an affair that ended my parents' marriage. I wasn't at all interested to have a relationship with him when he lived with my Dad, and even less so now.

I do feel sorry for him, as his childhood wasn't great and doesn't have a wonderful relationship with my dad. But, I feel no connection to him as a sibling at all.

I think this might be a cultural thing. I am not from the UK (but lived here many years). I met my dad and half sister a few years ago. She was only 16, I was 27. All started well but our upbringings are do so different, it was difficult to bond. She has a toxic mother and has been spoilt. She cuts contact when you say something she doesn't like, haven't spoken in several years now.

I met people with similar stories back hone and all tried and succeeded meeting their half siblings.

So my situation would (hypothetically!) be different in that my parents met young and were together til they were about 40. I have been NC with my father for the past 15+ years so any potential half siblings would be younger. I wouldn’t be interested. They’d just be people, people I didn’t know, didn’t grow up with and a connection to my father I wouldn’t want.

OP "For me genes are important- what if someone needs a transplant or bone marrow? A shared upbringing won't make a match!"

I might consider giving to someone I know and love but not a stranger who happens to be related.

I wouldn’t be interested and in someone who is quite close with the siblings I grew up with. Part of that closeness comes from having a shared culture, for want of a better word, of growing up in the same house, with the same people, sharing childhood memories and experiences, living together for years, and that forming the basis of a sibling relationship. I would have any of that with a stranger I shared DNA with. But then I have no interest in mapping family trees or doing DNA tests to be matched with unknown extended family members.

My DF had a second marriage/family so I have half siblings. They are no closer to me than my next door neighbour.

It may be relevant that I have 5 siblings that I grew up with, full siblings. Maybe that does make a difference, perhaps if I was an only child I’d feel differently.

Having said I have no interest in a relationship with half sibling. I would consider donating bone marrow etc if necessary. But that would be for my Dad.

And, as far as inheritance goes, my irresponsible dad won't have anything left by the time he dies anyway😂

I have a full sibling as well as the 2 half ones.
My full sibling and I aren't in contact. He was vile to me when we were growing up and it was a relief when he left home. I used to wish i was an only child. I've not set eyes on him in nearly 10 years which suits me fine. Having a sibling isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

When I was in my 20s I found out I had a half sibling.
I got in touch with them and we corresponded by email for a while.
We were just about to meet and suddenly all messages stopped.

I tried and tried but got no reply. I gave up in the end.

I eventually discovered that they found out they were terminally ill and subsequently died and that is why they stopped contact.

All very sad.

I don't really understand the 'no connection' bit. There is a connection, a shared parent. Whether that connection develops into something meaningful or not is another thing, of course

It's not something that's happened to me but I would definitely want to meet them if it did.

My friend has a wonderful relationship with her 2 half siblings. I remember her telling me when she found out that she could be pissed off with her dad and possibly affect their relationship or meet her siblings and see what happened. That as the children none of it was any of their fault. Her life is definitely richer for it.

For me genes are important- what if someone needs a transplant or bone marrow? A shared upbringing won't make a match!
I’ve joined the bone marrow register and would donate bone marrow to a stranger in need. I would be very uncomfortable if someone initiated a relationship with me as a stranger half sibling as they wanted my bone marrow or organs.

Dh has but has nothing to do with them. His father was a dreadful man

I met half sibling and dad for the first time at 19yrs. My ‘full’ sister refused.

Both sides instigated the meet, It was ok but they were 4 and it was just me. I was never properly included and I tried to hard. My dad is an excellent and involved parent to them. Absolutely shit one to me. My mum has issues and my upbringing was not great. I didn’t realise this until I had kids. I’m very much alone.

Last year he stoped returning my calls, and slowly my half siblings blocked me. I honestly am baffled and very hurt by it. I’ve texted as they won’t answer calls, apologised but nothing back. We went out to dinner and had a nice time no arguments, and that was that.

It’s I unrepairable as my kids are very upset. I am angry that I’ve allowed this to happen to them. I’m angry that I tried so hard and he openly is a great dad to them (so knows how to be) but doesn’t extend any of that to me.

To add, I say that as someone who as not experienced it! I totally get it could be a whole different ball game if it happened to me!!

Reading these responses, I wonder how much people's feelings about their half siblings are affected by their relationship with the shared parent. So feckless father = no interest. Much loved mother facing difficult circumstances= more interest.

I don't really understand the 'no connection' bit. There is a connection, a shared parent

If that "parent" is someone you've never met there is no connection.

@Aphrathestorm You make a good point re genes - I've found out that bunions and thyroid issues run in the family (I have half mind left, my sisters' have both had theirs removed) as does breast cancer; both have have preventative mastectomies as their mother died of breast cancer.

This.

A friend discovered as an adult that her father had been married before and had left a three year old son when he married her mother. She couldn’t believe he would abandon a child without a fight and she broke contact, changed her surname from his, and it was several years before they reconciled. Their relationship never really recovered. She didn’t look for her half brother (or hasn’t so far, it has been 10+ years), but discovering he existed completely changed her view of her father.

I get what you're saying. I suppose I still see that as a connection. I think my curiosity would get the better of me though, even in that circumstance. But like I said in my follow up message, that's what I think I might feel. In reality I might feel very different.