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Original poster

He’s left me and I just had his baby

255 replies

Rachell1 · 19/03/2023 19:30

In need of a major hand hold.

DP had an argument (something over nothing really) with my mum. He said some really unforgivable, disgusting things to her. Totally uncalled for and words I wouldn’t be able to repeat or type on here because it makes me cry every time I think about what he said to her.

I had DS2 nearly 2 weeks ago. I’m breastfeeding and trying to adjust to having a newborn and toddler.

He turned round to me after their argument and said I have to choose either my mum or him and that if I chose mum I would no longer be apart of his life.

Any way, we are having building work done at the flat so I’ve been staying at mums (where she has been helping me with DS1 following c-section). I said it wasn’t practical for me to up and leave and go to his mums house so stayed at my mums.

He then blocked my number, my mums number and has left me.

He also got his mum to text me asking me to drop my set of keys back to our flat and dumped a load of my things on my mums doorstep.

I understand he has a problem with my mum (again, something over nothing and he has massively overreacted). But to leave me on mothers day, block me and kick us out of the flat… I’ve never felt so vulnerable and hurt in my life.

Don’t have anyone to talk to so ranting on here. Apologies.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 19/03/2023 19:33

Is your mum loving, kind and supportive? Can you trust her?

If so, this arsehole has done you an absolute favour. To treat your mother like shit, disrespect you and your family and then leave you when you are vulnerable and very newly postnatal... well, he's shown you who he really is. At least you haven't wasted anymore of your time with him and your children won't be as influenced by him.

He is much better off out of your life.

bloodywhitecat · 19/03/2023 19:33

What a prince among men he is!

I am so sorry he did this to you but I think you'll be better off without him in the long run, dragging his mum into it is really low. Whose flat is it?

YukoandHiro · 19/03/2023 19:33

Make sure you register for child maintenance tomorrow

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YukoandHiro · 19/03/2023 19:34

Ps: what did HIS mum say about all this?

Flittingaboutagain · 19/03/2023 19:35

I'm so sorry. I'm also in the thick of adjustment to life with two little ones and it's already so emotional you don't need this on top. Vent away!

Squamata · 19/03/2023 19:35

That's awful op. Poor you.

Let the dust settle. He's being a big baby with phone blocking etc but you need to cool off before you work out what happens next.

Just take a breather and don't feed the conflict by trying to reopen the argument.

He doesn't sound great, but new baby plus toddler at your mil would probably test anyone's patience. You have to cut a bit of slack after a new baby. It depends if it's a one off or pattern of twatty behaviour as to what I'd do next.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/03/2023 19:35

What's the "something over nothing?"

crisscross101 · 19/03/2023 19:36

Twat.

Firstly, you're better off with your mum so whether it feels like it or not, he's done you a favour.

Secondly, I would be seeking legal advice tomorrow on the flat and applying for child maintenance. TOMORROW.

Finally, if you're not married and baby isn't yet seriously consider putting his name on the birth certificate (assuming he was still planning to come to registration, but honestly- I wouldn't)

crisscross101 · 19/03/2023 19:36

Squamata · 19/03/2023 19:35

That's awful op. Poor you.

Let the dust settle. He's being a big baby with phone blocking etc but you need to cool off before you work out what happens next.

Just take a breather and don't feed the conflict by trying to reopen the argument.

He doesn't sound great, but new baby plus toddler at your mil would probably test anyone's patience. You have to cut a bit of slack after a new baby. It depends if it's a one off or pattern of twatty behaviour as to what I'd do next.

Fucking hell. Raise your standards.

springrises · 19/03/2023 19:36

do you rent or own the flat?
He sounds like a pigheaded idiot in the way he's handled this. Inexcusable to talk to your Mum the way he has, but do they have history? Has your Mum upset him, been out of order? Is she blameless? It can be difficult as a son or daughter in law with a toxic mother in law (not saying yours is)

Original poster
Rachell1 · 19/03/2023 19:39

I was quite upset that his mum even texted me asking for the keys.. she already knew I was in bits.

My mum is amazing - she has done absolutely everything for DS1 these past few weeks (even before I had baby as I was huge and in a lot of pain towards the end). She really is amazing. In short, all she asked for was a break and he has let her down a few times by saying he’d take DS1 for a few hours to his mums etc but kept canceling. My mum finally got the hump yesterday and made it known (we all have a blow from time to time right?) considering she is an oap she is entitled to a break! Any way, just because she stormed off in a hump (it wasn’t even that bad) he went absolutely crazy and his words hurt her beyond belief.

The flat is his on paper, he doesn’t own it but has a long lease on it. My name is not on the lease.

OP posts:
knitpicker · 19/03/2023 19:40

Sounds like he deliberately picked a fight over nothing in order to justify dumping you and his kids on your mum. Easier (for him) than having everyone move back to the flat and him being the one to move out when he breaks up with you. He has completely contrived this situation.

Northernsouloldies · 19/03/2023 19:40

Getting his mum to text, is he fucking ten. What a prick

Sherrystrull · 19/03/2023 19:42

Why is he not looking after your toddler? Your mum shouldn't need to ask for a break.

Lovelyveg82 · 19/03/2023 19:42

Is this your first child with him op?

VivaVivaa · 19/03/2023 19:42

Well, if your update is the whole truth your DP sounds like an absolute piece of work. Looking after his own child for a few hours to give his MIL a break is too taxing now is it? What are his reasons for cancelling seeing his own child? What was he like prior to the arrival of DC2?

WinterMusings · 19/03/2023 19:43

I'm sorry he's done this especially on Mitger's Day, with a tiny new baby, but he's done you a favour in the long run! But I don't expect you to see that tonight

Is he DS1's Dad?

same questions as others re the flat.

Definitely register DS2 without him in the the BC & using your surname. Don't just hand himparental rights

be strong, you can do this!!

Honeyroar · 19/03/2023 19:43

Cut your losses. This guy is never going to be worth the effort.

Original poster
Rachell1 · 19/03/2023 19:46

It’s hard because I know deep down he puts me through so much. This is one of countless occasions i’ve been kicked out of the house (him not liking what i’ve cooked for dinner, house not being spotless etc), but I love him and I don’t know how to stop.

I have been with him since a teenager and I have 2 children with him. I don’t work and my life would totally change if we actually broke up. I’m not happy, but at the same time we can be good and when we are, i’m the happiest person.

His mum and dad have told me to leave him be for 3-4 days and let things cool off. I understand this is the way to deal with him and give him space but at the same time I feel like a dick sat here with 2 kids waiting to hear from him with my fate?!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 19/03/2023 19:46

You need to cut your losses, register with CMS tomorrow and arrange contact with him for your older child.

I would also be mindful that if you're living with your mum and she was already struggling prior to this you're going to have to make sure she gets a sufficient break.

RandomMess · 19/03/2023 19:47

So he's abusing you.

You don't love him, you are co-dependent or addicted to the highs and lows of him accepting and rejecting you.

Do the online course that Woman's Aid run.

NerrSnerr · 19/03/2023 19:48

His mum and dad have told me to leave him be for 3-4 days and let things cool off. I understand this is the way to deal with him and give him space but at the same time I feel like a dick sat here with 2 kids waiting to hear from him with my fate?!

Nope. Please don't put your kids through an awful relationship. You need to provide a stable home, not one where you're kicked out every few months. Your children need to be your 100% focus now.

flowertoday · 19/03/2023 19:49

So sorry this has happened to you. He is not a keeper.
In the long run he has done you a favour by letting you know he is not good enough for you. It doesn't sound like he is cut out for full time fatherhood in any way.
Take care and concentrate on yourself and your children 💐

VivaVivaa · 19/03/2023 19:50

This is an abusive relationship OP and I’m so sad nobody told you this IRL before you had DC with him. I’d be outraged if I found out my sister or my friends DP treated them this way. Thing is though he’s done an absolute number on you - no job, no home and I presume no protection of marriage? Can your mum house you and the DC in the interim, especially while DC2 is so tiny?

Original poster
Rachell1 · 19/03/2023 19:51

So he cancelled having DS1 because of work mainly (although did cancel 4 days after birth to go to football which really hurt me.. he said he ‘has a life’ and so football obviously was chosen over his partner, son and 4 day old baby).

I must add to make it fair on him that he works his absolute bollocks off. He is running two MOT garages, he gets there for 7am and doesn’t get home until 8/9pm 6 days a week. He is often shaking with exhaustion when he comes in. We are also renovating the downstairs (it’s a conversion flat and the downstairs is being rented out eventually). So he is paying a lot out for the builders and materials etc. It is a lot and I feel for him.. then again he chose to take on an extra garage etc not me!

OP posts:
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