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Original poster

He’s left me and I just had his baby

255 replies

Rachell1 · 19/03/2023 19:30

In need of a major hand hold.

DP had an argument (something over nothing really) with my mum. He said some really unforgivable, disgusting things to her. Totally uncalled for and words I wouldn’t be able to repeat or type on here because it makes me cry every time I think about what he said to her.

I had DS2 nearly 2 weeks ago. I’m breastfeeding and trying to adjust to having a newborn and toddler.

He turned round to me after their argument and said I have to choose either my mum or him and that if I chose mum I would no longer be apart of his life.

Any way, we are having building work done at the flat so I’ve been staying at mums (where she has been helping me with DS1 following c-section). I said it wasn’t practical for me to up and leave and go to his mums house so stayed at my mums.

He then blocked my number, my mums number and has left me.

He also got his mum to text me asking me to drop my set of keys back to our flat and dumped a load of my things on my mums doorstep.

I understand he has a problem with my mum (again, something over nothing and he has massively overreacted). But to leave me on mothers day, block me and kick us out of the flat… I’ve never felt so vulnerable and hurt in my life.

Don’t have anyone to talk to so ranting on here. Apologies.

OP posts:
slashlover · 19/03/2023 20:18

It’s hard because I know deep down he puts me through so much. This is one of countless occasions i’ve been kicked out of the house (him not liking what i’ve cooked for dinner, house not being spotless etc), but I love him and I don’t know how to stop.

So he either kicks your toddler out every time because he doesn't like what you've cooked OR he kicks your toddler's mother out?

VivaVivaa · 19/03/2023 20:18

It’s just doing it is a whole other thing isn’t it

To be blunt, in your case, not really. You aren’t married and you have no large shared assets. It would be really quite easy to walk away, presuming your mum would house you up until DC2 is old enough for you to work. Obviously the main issue would be the DC but if is he’s working 13 hours a day, 7 days a week and has used you for every single domestic chore to date, I can’t see him wanting to be a particularly hands on dad all of a sudden.

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/03/2023 20:18

What a shit! I don't even know you and I can already say with complete confidence that yoh deserve SO much better.
Do everything Jigsaw said, and please consider doing the Freedom Programne. I have a feeling that once you begin to unpick his behaviour over the years that you may find lots of red flags.
We are all here to help from a distance.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Relationship problems
Cocobutt · 19/03/2023 20:18

I’m struggling to understand why your mum was texting him asking for a break?!

Has she been looking after your DCs?
If so why is she not asking you for a break?
And if you need a break then it should be you texting him.

This relationship just seems really odd.
Like you are 2 single people who happen to just live with each other (and not even that right now).

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/03/2023 20:19

Oops, forgot link
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/
You can do it online or face to face

PopGoesTheProsecco · 19/03/2023 20:19

Sorry OP he sounds awful. So sorry you’re going through this.

IndiganDop · 19/03/2023 20:20

You have at least one son, OP. Think about what you are teaching your son about relationships and gender roles etc if you stay in this relationship.

If you stay, don't be surprised if in 25 years your son is the one kicking his partner out of their house because he doesn't like his dinner.

Doesn't your boy deserve better?

ThereIbledit · 19/03/2023 20:21

It’s just doing it is a whole other thing isn’t it and I’d need to find some serious serious strength.. which I currently do not have in my sleep deprived state!

My darling, it would be so much more hard work to stay with him. And so much more damaging, to yourself and to your children.

This is it. This is the red line. It's not even borderline. Do not pass go, do not collect doubts, do not play the whataboutery game and do not accept apologies from that pathetic excuse for a man. Cut the relationship DEAD, as of the exact moment he asked you to choose between him and your mum. Proceed accordingly. You have a roof over your head, you have support. You Will Be Okay.

ThereIbledit · 19/03/2023 20:22

@Cocobutt read the OP's posts. All the things you don't understand are explained.

bussteward · 19/03/2023 20:24

Squamata · 19/03/2023 19:35

That's awful op. Poor you.

Let the dust settle. He's being a big baby with phone blocking etc but you need to cool off before you work out what happens next.

Just take a breather and don't feed the conflict by trying to reopen the argument.

He doesn't sound great, but new baby plus toddler at your mil would probably test anyone's patience. You have to cut a bit of slack after a new baby. It depends if it's a one off or pattern of twatty behaviour as to what I'd do next.

WTF. I just had my second baby: the slack my partner and I are cutting each other is stuff like “a bit snappy after a bad night’s sleep” or “not sniping over bleary-eyed mistakes like boil washing the woollens or forgetting to put the dishwasher on. Not “kicking a postpartum woman out of her home”. FFS.

Bluetrews25 · 19/03/2023 20:24

You don't need to leave him
He has left you.
All you need to do is stop being manipulated by him and not take him back. Otherwise these cycles of his moods and bad behaviour will continue to rule your life (and the DC's lives) for decades to come. Does that sound desirable to you? I hope not! He's not going to change. Ever.
As soon as you can, you need to get yourself a job (when baby old enough to be left, I don't mean next week)
He's an abuser and a manipulator, and you are stuck in the cycle of pleasing him and throwing yourself under the bus in the process.
You would be better alone than with this horrible specimen.

Exasperatednow · 19/03/2023 20:24

Honestly call his bluff. Leave him. Use this time to decide what you want your future to be like. Retrain if need be. Get some qualifications. Get a job.

You and your kids are worth more than this.

And I never say leave the bastard.

Grimbelina · 19/03/2023 20:27

Please find the courage to leave. Your children shouldn't be brought up witnessing such an abusive relationship. If you can't do it for yourself right now, leave for them.

MumOf2workOptions · 19/03/2023 20:28

For gods sake you've had a lucky escape

Do not go back under any circumstances if the flat is only leased nothing to be had from that just register for child maintenance and start looking for your own place

You'll be fine ❤️

MyEasterEggs · 19/03/2023 20:29

I don’t work and my life would totally change if we actually broke up.

Yes, it would probably change for the better. Please don’t raise your children with this man child. His behaviour is ridiculous and even worse it’s repeated and enabled by those around him.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 19/03/2023 20:29

I hope it's going to be possible to stay with your mother long term, because going back to this loser is the worst thing you can do for those children.

You need to get sorted for getting a job and providing a calm, non-abusive home for these kids. Get rid of him.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 19/03/2023 20:30

You need to leave him for your kids sake he can't be kicking them out their home every few months thats gonna right screw them up

Led9519 · 19/03/2023 20:31

Is all mumsnet just a series of posters posting about shitty partners then making excuses for them because honestly I see this post once a week.

Leave him, stop setting the example for your children that any of this is ok. Is it really that hard to understand?

Crazydoglady1980 · 19/03/2023 20:31

Please consider what your life will be like in 5 years if you go back to him. He will still be behaving the way he is or worse, because he knows he can. Your children will be acting the same because they think that is how you treat Mum/the people around you. You will be isolated from your Mum and any other family because of how they have treated him!
Leave now and protect yourself and your children. He is not bothered or he wouldn’t be leaving everything to you and your mum. He would be spending time with his children and helping you instead of going to football and kicking you out of your home.
Leaving will be difficult and is going to hurt, but there are services and people who will help you. It will be harder when you are more
isolated and the children are older so you don’t want to upset their nursery/ school etc.

Axahooxa · 19/03/2023 20:35

I’m so sorry OP.

This will be hard but it’s the beginning of a far better life. He is a horrible man and you will never be happy with him.

Even if you do love him, he is showing you he does not love you. And loving him isn’t enough to stay- you need to make a decision to make this split permanent. He will make your life hell- and your children’s.

RosaBonheur · 19/03/2023 20:36

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You're very vulnerable right now, having just given birth. He should be supporting you and it doesn't sound like he's willing to do that. I know it's super hard but I think you might be better off without him in the long run. How long can you stay at your mum's?

StarbucksSmarterSister · 19/03/2023 20:37

He doesn't sound great, but new baby plus toddler at your mil would probably test anyone's patience. You have to cut a bit of slack after a new baby.

FFS.

Iquitforevermore · 19/03/2023 20:38

Oh my god, I'm tearing up reading your post. I am so sorry you are going through this op. What an absolute awful person your dp is! I'm astounded somebody could treat a person they're supposed to love this way, let alone when you have just had his second baby and are vulnerable and the mother of his dcs! And on Mother's day too! Honestly I am angry for you! Stay at your Mums, he has shown his true colours, don't take him back. If he can do this to you on Mother's day 2 weeks after having 2nd dc via c section imagine what he will do in the future. Stay strong, you've got this, it'll be unimaginably hard but time will heal.

jemimapuddlepluck · 19/03/2023 20:38

Realistically, the OP will go back to him as soon as he snaps his fingers. Which he will. Not only does he make me sick but his parents 😡just leave him a few days, who the fuck do they think they are?
If you can't get angry for yourself or your kids OP what about your amazing mum? Would you actually go back to him and cut her off?
This is going to be yours and your children's life forever. So if you do go back, build yourself up. Read online, research childcare options, because at the very least you should get a job as soon as baby is old enough. Build up your independence. Think practically.
This cannot be your life because that would be such a waste. Your kids will grow up and be affected and that would be a waste too. We get one shot at it OP. Good luck.

Bobbybobbins · 19/03/2023 20:40

OP try to keep in mind: do you want to live the rest of your life like this? If not then do not go back to this man!!