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Original poster

He’s left me and I just had his baby

255 replies

Rachell1 · 19/03/2023 19:30

In need of a major hand hold.

DP had an argument (something over nothing really) with my mum. He said some really unforgivable, disgusting things to her. Totally uncalled for and words I wouldn’t be able to repeat or type on here because it makes me cry every time I think about what he said to her.

I had DS2 nearly 2 weeks ago. I’m breastfeeding and trying to adjust to having a newborn and toddler.

He turned round to me after their argument and said I have to choose either my mum or him and that if I chose mum I would no longer be apart of his life.

Any way, we are having building work done at the flat so I’ve been staying at mums (where she has been helping me with DS1 following c-section). I said it wasn’t practical for me to up and leave and go to his mums house so stayed at my mums.

He then blocked my number, my mums number and has left me.

He also got his mum to text me asking me to drop my set of keys back to our flat and dumped a load of my things on my mums doorstep.

I understand he has a problem with my mum (again, something over nothing and he has massively overreacted). But to leave me on mothers day, block me and kick us out of the flat… I’ve never felt so vulnerable and hurt in my life.

Don’t have anyone to talk to so ranting on here. Apologies.

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 19/03/2023 20:40

When he kicks you out does he also kick out your toddler?

Iquitforevermore · 19/03/2023 20:42

As others have said as well, stop making excuses for him, his behaviour is unacceptable, vile and inexcusable. You and your children deserve so much better. 💐virtual hugs

Starlitestarbright · 19/03/2023 20:43

You've put yourself in a very vulnerable situation op you don't work and are no married and financially reliant on your partner. Best to stay with your dm, het yourself back on your feet when your baby is old enough put your children in childcare and get a job. This man has all the power don't let him continue to have it. It will be hard but worth that independence.

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Albertus · 19/03/2023 20:44

Having a baby is a hard time especially when you already have one. You’re exhausted and it sounds like he’s under immense stress and putting too much pressure on himself. He’s taking it all out on you.

I think you need to stay at your mums if you can and have a separation for six months to a year. Don’t do anything rash now just take a breather and when you get more time to think work out what you want to do.

He’s clearly a man child and needs to work out whether he cares about his family enough to sort his shit out.

Tbh though if it were me, I don’t think I could ever forgive this behaviour.

99victoria · 19/03/2023 20:45

If you were my daughter and grandchildren I would be doing my best to make sure you cut this man out of your life for good. You need to set the bar much, much higher. What exactly is it that you love about him? He sounds AWFUL!

Merlinsbeard83 · 19/03/2023 20:47

Your poor mum , I would be more concerned about how his behaviour is effecting your mum and kids. He won't change and you will regret staying with him . It doesn't matter how many hours he works ,that doesn't justify treating people so badly .
How can you love someone so much who treats your mum so bad. And a mum who sounds lovely .
You also deserve better

Notbeinfunnehbut · 19/03/2023 20:47

One of the most upsetting things I’ve ever read

plz do not give keys back and do not ever go back

Canthave2manycats · 19/03/2023 20:47

StarbucksSmarterSister · 19/03/2023 20:37

He doesn't sound great, but new baby plus toddler at your mil would probably test anyone's patience. You have to cut a bit of slack after a new baby.

FFS.

Speechless!!!

Iquitforevermore · 19/03/2023 20:48

Can you live with your Mum longterm? Then maybe you could get a job when dcs old enough, and help and save for own place eventually. Citizens advice are very helpful to let you know what help you can get. Please don't give up because you think going back to him is the easy option financially. It is actually the worst mistake you can make for not only your own happiness, but for your children's as well. In the long run you'll be better off in all areas.

evergreen2 · 19/03/2023 20:49

Pixiedust1234 · 19/03/2023 20:05

Hes working hard for himself. He's converting his flat for himself. Nothing is for you and you are not eligible for anything if you split. The flat is his. The rental will be his. Both garages are his.

What do you have? No home. No work. No money. Unable to do anything because you have two young children. He gives you no security because he kicks you out of his home. He gives you no freedom by looking after his own children.

Open your eyes and run the fuck away.

Couldn't have said it any better myself.

Your children are living in a domestic abuse home. So are you. Do you know what the outcomes are like for women and children in your situation?

You're currently in a very precarious position. Speak to your Health Visitor.

Closetbeanmuncher · 19/03/2023 20:49

Well it’s up to you really isn’t it op, are you happy to be treated like this or worse for the rest of your life?

Frankola · 19/03/2023 20:49

So what he has two garages to run, this 'man' has thrown you out before because he didn't like what you made for dinner!

Please, for goodness sake, leave him. This is no way to live and no example to set your kids.

Iquitforevermore · 19/03/2023 20:51

You're fortunate at least that you have your Mum to stay with. Please don't waste this opportunity, you don't need to go back to this excuse for a man.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 19/03/2023 20:51

This is one of countless occasions i’ve been kicked out of the house (him not liking what i’ve cooked for dinner, house not being spotless etc), but I love him and I don’t know how to stop.

Oh sweetheart, You don't love him, you love what you thought he was. He's shown you what he really is and so have his parents.

Dump him. You and your children deserve better. Think of them please if not yourself.

NicolaSturGONE · 19/03/2023 20:52

urgh, another one of those posts where the OP clearly isn't going to take the advice on board and will forgive the bastard. Don't waste your time folks.

Iquitforevermore · 19/03/2023 20:53

Also loads of men work hard and all hours, some without any family support etc and they do not treat their gfs/wives, and families like he has treated you and your dcs. No excuses, he is vile.

Coyoacan · 19/03/2023 20:53

You actually sound like a slave, OP, not a free woman. I am so sorry. You should check out Women's Aid and the Freedom Programme.

666roses · 19/03/2023 20:54

Does your mum actually like him? Ask her what she really thinks of him in sure she will surprise you.
He doesn't like you or his children as of he did he wouldn't treat you this way.
Start loving yourself

WoofWoofMooWoof · 19/03/2023 20:57

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/03/2023 20:19

Oops, forgot link
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/
You can do it online or face to face

Please OP - do the Freedom programme. It gave me the realisation of just how abusive my ex was (and still is), and gave me the strength to leave him. I would consider doing the actual classes, and not online, as they have a creche during the course and you can meet and talk to others in your position (and make great new friends). I left the ex when my DTDs were 4, and now they're 14 and still show signs of how his abuse of me affect them. Please don't let them grow up thinking this is how their mum should be treated.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/03/2023 20:58

Boot the fucking wanker out. Change the locks. Your Mum has your back.

Topee · 19/03/2023 20:58

If you think this is live you are very much mistaken.

Topee · 19/03/2023 20:58

*Love

Canthave2manycats · 19/03/2023 20:59

Of all the fucking bastards I've read about on here, this one has to be up there with the absolute worst.

Cruel, abusive, horrible waste of oxygen. I would love to just give you the biggest hug, sweetheart. This is everything a relationship should not be. He's saddled you (don't mean that in a bad way but you will have all the responsibility here) with two children and almost immediately after the second birth he kicks you out??? Selfish, sadistic bastard. Doesn't he even give a shit about his babies?

His mother is a c u next tuesday too - apple clearly didn't fall far from the tree there. What a horrible horrible pack of people. If that was my son, I'd disown him, and I mean that.

Please please do not even consider for a split second going back to him. You're trapped in his manipulative grasp, and he has been just about as cruel as one human being (and I use that word loosely in this case) could be to another when you are so vulnerable. He should have you on a pedestal right now for giving birth to his baby, not fucking you all three out, and sending his tramp of a mother to do his dirty work.

Your poor mum must be at her wits' end. Please don't put her through any more by going back to him. The first time a 'man' threw me out would be the last.

Go to your GP and get help that way. You need to talk to someone to help to raise your self-esteem from the toilet. That fucker has seized his chance to separate you from your mother so that he has total control of you, TG you stood by her. He must have been enraged.

Also Women's Aid, any organisation that can help you. I don't know, talk to your community midwife, or health visitor. If that evil prick seeks access (and maybe his horrible mother would want them), do not deal with him directly. Cut him out of your life completely so far as you can. Don't see him, don't speak to him, and do not allow him to talk you into coming back. This is a dealbreaker, don't accept this for your sake and the sakes of your innocent babies.

Your mum will be right behind you too - I hope you have other friends or family that you can reach out to as well but I'm sure they're likely long gone pushed off the scene by that utter fucker of a sperm donor.

Wish you well xx

Mariposista · 19/03/2023 20:59

What a shit. Cut him off. Build and enjoy your life with your lovely children and mum.