He’s left me and I just had his baby

[Rachell1]

In need of a major hand hold.

DP had an argument (something over nothing really) with my mum. He said some really unforgivable, disgusting things to her. Totally uncalled for and words I wouldn’t be able to repeat or type on here because it makes me cry every time I think about what he said to her.

I had DS2 nearly 2 weeks ago. I’m breastfeeding and trying to adjust to having a newborn and toddler.

He turned round to me after their argument and said I have to choose either my mum or him and that if I chose mum I would no longer be apart of his life.

Any way, we are having building work done at the flat so I’ve been staying at mums (where she has been helping me with DS1 following c-section). I said it wasn’t practical for me to up and leave and go to his mums house so stayed at my mums.

He then blocked my number, my mums number and has left me.

He also got his mum to text me asking me to drop my set of keys back to our flat and dumped a load of my things on my mums doorstep.

I understand he has a problem with my mum (again, something over nothing and he has massively overreacted). But to leave me on mothers day, block me and kick us out of the flat… I’ve never felt so vulnerable and hurt in my life.

Don’t have anyone to talk to so ranting on here. Apologies.

I often defend men because they get a rough ride on MN, but your ex deserves all of it.
What an awful man - leave and stay away from him.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Many of us have experienced the feeling of love and hope that things will get better. Even in a healthier relationship there can be a less obvious exploitation of one partner against the other. It takes time to become just obvious that things have become unsustainable and then the clear need to break up. You sound young believe me when this happens there are better things/ relationships to be had. But it will happen the break. Get yourself support there are suggestions here how to do this. Please take them so that you can enjoy and transfer your love to your young children for their sake and your own. I’m in my late 60s believe me you have a whole life ahead of you and it will get better do this now and you can stop this unhealthy attachment . It’s not real love it’s dependency. We can only learn to love another by learning the strength to love oneself first. This isn’t going to get better. Lots of love to you be brave!! Get support!!!! Xx

It's hard to break free mentally and emotionally because the abuse is always cyclical.

You get caught up in a cycle of hope and despair, and because the abuser always blames you for tha abuse, you think you can make the perfect meal, clean the flat until it shines, etc, and you'll have unlocked the secret of a happy relationship. In other words, you are sucked into believing that you have some control over how the relationship goes. But you don't.

It's really important to remember that his rage and anger and criticism have nothing to do with the specific things he has chosen to use against you. He could just as easily start whining at you and insulting you about losing baby weight. It's all about power and control.

https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/

The Power and Control Wheel

Bet he's never stayed at home all day with the DCs and cooked you a lovely meal?

He's disgusting.

How did things work out for you @Rachell1? I often thought of you after your thread.