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Original poster

Have we been unfair?

189 replies

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:18

Went to a cafe for afternoon tea. Nice surroundings, great service. However, the food was...below expectations.
Dh couldn't get his chosen meal so just had coffee.
Mine was a defrosted scone whacked on a plate with a jar of jam.
Dd misread the menu and thought it was hot chips, but it was crisps on the side of her sandwich. According to her her sandwich was shit and they hadnt drained the tuna properly (she has a technique at home)

Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc. But got pissed off at her meal so then was in a strop.

So, ds had stayed home. Just finished mocks a week ago, deep in study for 8 weeks time. We said as he wasnt coming wed pick him up a treat on the way home (as dd had a meal...)

Did that. Dd has cracked an absolute hissy fit, has refused to get out of the car (although did come back in for her ipad so can do homework and returned out there) and is refusing to watch football with DH which is their thing, although seems more pissed off with me as I was the one who went into the shop and got sweets for ds. She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Have we been unfair? Should we pop to the shops and get dd some sweets?

Dd 13 and ds 16 for reference.

OP posts:
Burnamer · 19/03/2023 16:20

The quality of the cafe is irrelevant.
She got a sandwich and he got sweets?! I’d be livid if I was her and also learn that next time I should refuse the time with my parents and look forward to the sweets.
what are you actually hoping she learns from this??

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:21

No. What do you mean get her sweets? For what? Ruining your mothers day lunch by moaning because she misread the menu?!

She'd be getting sod all from me.

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:22

Burnamer · 19/03/2023 16:20

The quality of the cafe is irrelevant.
She got a sandwich and he got sweets?! I’d be livid if I was her and also learn that next time I should refuse the time with my parents and look forward to the sweets.
what are you actually hoping she learns from this??

He's revising. That makes the difference to me. If he just didn't fancy going, then I'd agree with you.

Interested in this thread?

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13 year olds 16 year olds Families
Lemonandorange · 19/03/2023 16:24

Ignoring the topic completely, I want to know the tuna draining technique

Original poster
ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:26

Interesting the first time replies are polar opposites, exactly why I am torn!

I am not hoping she 'learns' anything. Not trying to have a 'teachable moment' !!

Was genuinely wondering if we had been unfair. If the consensus is that we are then I will pop to the shops.

She wanted to go somewhere dh suggested, but I didnt as I am tired, he only suggested it as he thought I would like it but I sad I would prefer just anice coffee somewhere local. So theres that as well. She didnt have to come. Hut got a trip out with us solo, which is rare, and lunch and drink. She chose her lunch, could have had anything from milkshakes to chocolate cake to burgers. She just ddnt like it once it came.

OP posts:
GiltEdges · 19/03/2023 16:27

Well, it was mean to buy one child sweets and not get any for the other. Buying a sandwich for DD wasn't exactly a treat for her was it, it was just lunch. That said, your DD and DH are clearly cut from the same cloth, given that both threw their toys out of the pram when the food wasn't to their liking, so I wouldn't feel too bad about it either. If you feel like it, give her some money to go and buy her own sweets.

Original poster
ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:27

Should we not have got ds a treat as dd meal was shit?

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 19/03/2023 16:30

She sounds like she is 4 years old. Surely at 13 she can go out and buy her own sweets.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/03/2023 16:30

I think you’ve been very unfair to be honest, a sandwich is not a treat for a 13 year old! She shouldn’t have been in a strop but I’d be pissed off if my parents got my sibling a treat and not me because I’d had a sandwich.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/03/2023 16:31

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:27

Should we not have got ds a treat as dd meal was shit?

Why could you not have got both children a treat?

aureus3012 · 19/03/2023 16:34

What was the reason for not buying her sweets?

MisgenderedSwan · 19/03/2023 16:36

Sandwich and a packet of crisps is not a treat, it's just lunch surely? However I'd be most unimpressed with her behaviour. The treat was the day out. I'd be completely ignoring her bad behaviour and waiting for her to calm down and act like a 13yo instead of a toddler. All over a packet of sweets ffs

SnarkyBag · 19/03/2023 16:36

She’s being a brat but I probably would have got them both sweets on the way back.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 19/03/2023 16:37

She needs to grow up and learn temper tantrums are childish

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 19/03/2023 16:38

I thought you were going to say she was 3, not 13! Not a chance would I reward that behaviour.

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:39

Depends on how often you go out to eat. If it's a regular thing and not a treat, then maybe YABU not to have got her sweets.

But if going out for afternoon tea isn't something you normally do, then she's had her treat.

The other thing to consider is, if you go to buy sweets now, are you not showing her that she can throw a strop and get her own way?

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 19/03/2023 16:41

I thought this was going to be about a bad review you'd left for the cafe!

The meal was a disappointment for all of you - you should've got sweets for the whole family.

Original poster
ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:41

Again, she chose the sandwich. It could have been any meal.

But fine. I accept WABU. I will take her to sainsbury's to choose some sweets .

Her whole thing was she wanted to spend time with me then called it a waste of time. It seems that it is conditional though as it being something she wants to do not something I want to do .

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 19/03/2023 16:42

She sounds like a total brat - fair enough to be a bit miffed at a bad sandwich but all the hissy fitting and stropping is ridiculous for a teenager. Tell her to stop being a brat, you all had a disappointing meal not just her.

SnarkyBag · 19/03/2023 16:43

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:39

Depends on how often you go out to eat. If it's a regular thing and not a treat, then maybe YABU not to have got her sweets.

But if going out for afternoon tea isn't something you normally do, then she's had her treat.

The other thing to consider is, if you go to buy sweets now, are you not showing her that she can throw a strop and get her own way?

This is a fair point we eat out in cafes/pick up lunch from a bakery at least once a week so to me this wouldn’t necessarily be a treat.

still wouldn’t reward her current behaviour though

Original poster
ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:43

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:39

Depends on how often you go out to eat. If it's a regular thing and not a treat, then maybe YABU not to have got her sweets.

But if going out for afternoon tea isn't something you normally do, then she's had her treat.

The other thing to consider is, if you go to buy sweets now, are you not showing her that she can throw a strop and get her own way?

I cant remember the last time we went to a cafe. So yes its a treat.
And yes I am.worried she will jsut think she can throw a strop.
Case in point, I just said inwas going tot he local shop and she isnt happy with their selection and wants to go to the big shop further away!

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 19/03/2023 16:44

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:41

Again, she chose the sandwich. It could have been any meal.

But fine. I accept WABU. I will take her to sainsbury's to choose some sweets .

Her whole thing was she wanted to spend time with me then called it a waste of time. It seems that it is conditional though as it being something she wants to do not something I want to do .

I would absolutely NOT go out and buy her some sweets she’s being horrible!

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:45

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:43

I cant remember the last time we went to a cafe. So yes its a treat.
And yes I am.worried she will jsut think she can throw a strop.
Case in point, I just said inwas going tot he local shop and she isnt happy with their selection and wants to go to the big shop further away!

Show quote history

In these circumstances I think no sweets is the way to go.

Wishimaywishimight · 19/03/2023 16:47

So she gets rewarded for throwing a tantrum?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2023 16:47

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:43

I cant remember the last time we went to a cafe. So yes its a treat.
And yes I am.worried she will jsut think she can throw a strop.
Case in point, I just said inwas going tot he local shop and she isnt happy with their selection and wants to go to the big shop further away!

Show quote history

I have a teen. Give her 10 mins to choose. Sweets from the local shop or no sweets. No decision = no sweets.