Have we been unfair?

[ShesHavingAMoment]

Went to a cafe for afternoon tea. Nice surroundings, great service. However, the food was...below expectations.
Dh couldn't get his chosen meal so just had coffee.
Mine was a defrosted scone whacked on a plate with a jar of jam.
Dd misread the menu and thought it was hot chips, but it was crisps on the side of her sandwich. According to her her sandwich was shit and they hadnt drained the tuna properly (she has a technique at home)

Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc. But got pissed off at her meal so then was in a strop.

So, ds had stayed home. Just finished mocks a week ago, deep in study for 8 weeks time. We said as he wasnt coming wed pick him up a treat on the way home (as dd had a meal...)

Did that. Dd has cracked an absolute hissy fit, has refused to get out of the car (although did come back in for her ipad so can do homework and returned out there) and is refusing to watch football with DH which is their thing, although seems more pissed off with me as I was the one who went into the shop and got sweets for ds. She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Have we been unfair? Should we pop to the shops and get dd some sweets?

Dd 13 and ds 16 for reference.

@PuddlesPityParty that's fair. I do love a good bag of crisps, but then will go for sweets afterwards too because I'm a greedy cow

I agree with this. Having sandwich in a cafe (where you all would have eaten if H didn't decide to just have a coffee) is not the same as getting sweets. Although she does sound 3, not 13.

A sandwich isn't a treat, it's just lunch. Whether it's an amazing sandwich or a shit one, it's still just lunch.

So you've bought one child a treat, but not the other. Your DD hasn't handled it well at all, but she's right that you haven't been fair.

I know, can’t edit, my comment still stands, her behaviour is emvarsssing!

Seriously OP, you have low expectations of your kids. Son gefs you nothing at all and daughter gets you a couple of packets of seeds then proceeds to throw a tantrum because of an unsatisfactory tuna sandwich.

As much as I think she’s behaved terribly , I am not quite aligned a tuna sandwich in a cafe for lunch is as much of a treat as you think it is for a q4 year old. Personally I’d have bought them both sweets.

im not sure why you didn’t. It’s what a caused the hissy fit. I can’t imagine saying to one child you got a crap tuna sandwich for lunch so you can’t have sweets but here I’m going to buy your big brother some.

No she didn’t, read it again, she threw a tantrum because the son got sweets and she got none, when she was the one who got her mum a gift and also spent the afternoon with her. We all know full well the son could have but didn’t want to .

Yeah the big brother who didn’t bother to give his mum a present or spend time with her..

I would have offered her sweets to keep it fair, plus it's nice to treat them.

I know she sulked in the cafe, but that's what they do!

Maybe in hindsight you should have got her sweets but I wouldn’t get her sweets now she’s acted like a brat

Wonderful lesson to teach her,act bratty and entitled and you will get what you want.
At 13years old she should be able to express herself and not throw tantrums and make demands like a 3 year old.

Neither of the kids deserve sweets.
it’s Mother’s Day so should be about you. Your son could have stopped revising for 2 hours to have lunch . Your husband is also a brat. I’m sorry but he should have picked something else , there was obviously more than one option available. Your kids take after their dad. In my opinion they all need to make it up to you on another day .

Dear God they all sound hard work. I'd buy myself a box of chocolate and a bottle of wine, go and have a lovely bubble bath then chill out with my treats in my room on my own and sod the lot of them.

Exactly. Of course he could have taken two hours out to go and have lunch with his mother on Mother’s Day, he chose not to. He could have got his mother a present. He chose not to.

but the child who made the effort is told her crappy tuna sandwich is a treat and she can’t have sweets.

So she should be grateful she had a soggy tuna sandwich with no chips that she wanted, then ds got sweets even though she got you a present and he didn't? She was probably a bit hangry tbh!

I probably would have gotten something for both of them. But I wouldnt head out again now after she threw a fit.

I’m wondering op do you make a habit of favouring your son and excusing his poor behaviour? Is this just another example of it and she’s lost the plot?

She did handle it badly, but anyone would be pissed off at effectively being told, "You've eaten lunch, so you're not having a treat. Your brother has almost certainly also eaten lunch, but because he ate his lunch separately to us, I'm buying him a treat."

Honestly, I don't know what on earth would make someone think that was a good idea. A tuna sandwich is a bog standard normal lunch - presumably if she'd stayed home she'd have eaten similar.

I really hope op acknowledges how unfair she’s been to her daughter. It’s not just about sweets. It’s just really cruel. And I do hope op questions her son why he couldn’t even be arsed to give her a present. It’s really crap of him.

Well she has been taken tot he shop and calm has been restored.

Ok, I handled the sweets thing badly, have apologised. She has chosen a treat to have and all is ok now. Her and dh are now watching the football!

I'd place bets on the son being the golden child in this family.

Really? She got her mum a present and spent time with her. What would you call the golden son who did nothing but still had a treat? That is bratty and entitled if anything.

That’s what I’m thinking and this kid has to fight for her place.

it’s just mean really isn’t it. To say as she’d a tuna sandwich in a cafe she’s not allowed sweets and then go buy her brother some. It’s shitty.

Has your son apologised to you?

Agree 100 %