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Original poster

Have we been unfair?

189 replies

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:18

Went to a cafe for afternoon tea. Nice surroundings, great service. However, the food was...below expectations.
Dh couldn't get his chosen meal so just had coffee.
Mine was a defrosted scone whacked on a plate with a jar of jam.
Dd misread the menu and thought it was hot chips, but it was crisps on the side of her sandwich. According to her her sandwich was shit and they hadnt drained the tuna properly (she has a technique at home)

Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc. But got pissed off at her meal so then was in a strop.

So, ds had stayed home. Just finished mocks a week ago, deep in study for 8 weeks time. We said as he wasnt coming wed pick him up a treat on the way home (as dd had a meal...)

Did that. Dd has cracked an absolute hissy fit, has refused to get out of the car (although did come back in for her ipad so can do homework and returned out there) and is refusing to watch football with DH which is their thing, although seems more pissed off with me as I was the one who went into the shop and got sweets for ds. She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Have we been unfair? Should we pop to the shops and get dd some sweets?

Dd 13 and ds 16 for reference.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:47

Your family sound like a bunch of arses.

Nobody really cared about it being a nice day for you.

H refused food, D threw a hissy fit and S couldn't be bothered to spend a couple of hours with you on Mother's Day.

I wouldn't have got anything for any of them, but it seems mean to buy sweets for one and not the other.

Burnamer · 19/03/2023 16:50

I wouldn’t be going further than the local shop but I think no sweets first time round was a bit unfair.

MaeMair · 19/03/2023 16:50

What? No! Lunch out with your mum and dad is a privilege. Full stop. Not your fault she didn't like what she ordered! I also disagree that you don't want this to be a lesson. Imo everything in parenting is a lesson, whether you intend it to be or not! So, will it be OK for her to behave like this on other occasions? If you buy the sweets, it will happen again!

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HoneyPotBee · 19/03/2023 16:53

I would have got her some sweets at the same time as I picked some up for DS.

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:54

MaeMair · 19/03/2023 16:50

What? No! Lunch out with your mum and dad is a privilege. Full stop. Not your fault she didn't like what she ordered! I also disagree that you don't want this to be a lesson. Imo everything in parenting is a lesson, whether you intend it to be or not! So, will it be OK for her to behave like this on other occasions? If you buy the sweets, it will happen again!

Is it really 'lunch out' when the others had a scone and a coffee?

Whyisitsososohard · 19/03/2023 16:55

It sounds like she's disappointed it wasn't quite what was expected so she's stropping. Your dh isn't setting a particularly good example by only having coffee because he couldn't get his choice of meal. Was there nothing else he could have?

It's also baffling to me you'd go to the shop to buy sweets for ds and not get some for dd. Then that your solution was to ask if you should not have got ds sweets because dds meal was shit is kinda wild.

BevMarsh · 19/03/2023 16:55

Your husband set the precedent when he sat there with his coffee.
I can just imagine the sour face.
I'm guessing the DC take after their father.
Next mother's day treat yourself and take yourself off for the day... anywhere... without the merry bunch.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/03/2023 16:55

If its your job to buy her sweets - its her job to behave nicely towards you on Mother's day and not have a hissy fit at you. Or tantrum and refuse to leave the car. And seems to blame the Tuna Sandwich fail on you too. We all have to put up with the occasional sandwich fail, without attacking the one person who didn't even make it.

Probably should have bought her some sweets TBF, but don't reward this.

Also how did DH manage to avoid being in the frame and why hasn' t he told her not to spoil Mothers Day for you.

Also want to know the Tuna Draining method.

PuddlesPityParty · 19/03/2023 16:58

Don’t buy her sweets OP. Of course a meal out was a nice treat and if it was supposedly to spend time with you then why would it matter the quality of the sarnie? Crisps are nicer than chips anyway and wouldn’t crips be equal to some sweets treat wise?

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:59

PuddlesPityParty · 19/03/2023 16:58

Don’t buy her sweets OP. Of course a meal out was a nice treat and if it was supposedly to spend time with you then why would it matter the quality of the sarnie? Crisps are nicer than chips anyway and wouldn’t crips be equal to some sweets treat wise?

Are you really claiming she should be grateful for a shit sandwich and that crisps are the equivalent of sweets so she shouldn't have both? Mumsnet is wonderful Grin

Spangasspikeywig · 19/03/2023 16:59

They sound like toddlers…

PuddlesPityParty · 19/03/2023 17:00

BevMarsh · 19/03/2023 16:55

Your husband set the precedent when he sat there with his coffee.
I can just imagine the sour face.
I'm guessing the DC take after their father.
Next mother's day treat yourself and take yourself off for the day... anywhere... without the merry bunch.

Where the hell have you got that he had a sour face from 😂 I do love when MNters make things up out of thin air 🙄

If I’m out and I don’t fancy something I’ll also just get a coffee but I’m quite happy with it! I wouldn’t sit there feeling sorry for myself 🙄

Original poster
ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 17:01

To totally drip feed, she was the only one who bought me a present today. She got two packets of seeds from wilko which was quite sweet of her. So i do feel bad. I get her point of view now I have calmed down re the sweets tho. Just the approach she has taken has grated on me.

OP posts:
PuddlesPityParty · 19/03/2023 17:01

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:59

Are you really claiming she should be grateful for a shit sandwich and that crisps are the equivalent of sweets so she shouldn't have both? Mumsnet is wonderful Grin

Show quote history

Well yeah? She’s had a meal out w crisps (which are great and far better than sweets imo xxx) - and lets me honest the whole tuna thing is just her being mardy I doubt you can fuck up a tuna sandwich that much!!!

And the point was she said it was to spend time w her mum not to get something for herself 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Mateyduck · 19/03/2023 17:03

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:27

Should we not have got ds a treat as dd meal was shit?

Isn’t she lucky to have eaten out at a time when other families cannot afford their weekly shop? Sound spoilt and entitled to me.

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 17:04

@PuddlesPityParty I agree with the spending time part, and the tuna to a degree, but it really amused me that she didn't need sweets because she's had crisps Grin

PatientlyWaiting21 · 19/03/2023 17:04

16!!! 😂😂😂😂 oh my goodness I thought you were going to say 4/5, tell her to get a bloody grip, how embarrassing for her!

endoftheworldniteclub · 19/03/2023 17:04

HoneyPotBee · 19/03/2023 16:53

I would have got her some sweets at the same time as I picked some up for DS.

Me too. A shit tuna sandwich sounds awful. I think you are being s bit mean to her.

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 17:04

PatientlyWaiting21 · 19/03/2023 17:04

16!!! 😂😂😂😂 oh my goodness I thought you were going to say 4/5, tell her to get a bloody grip, how embarrassing for her!

She's 13

PatientlyWaiting21 · 19/03/2023 17:05

13*

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 19/03/2023 17:05

Your DD is old enough to know better. And no, she doesn’t deserve sweets

PuddlesPityParty · 19/03/2023 17:06

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 17:04

@PuddlesPityParty I agree with the spending time part, and the tuna to a degree, but it really amused me that she didn't need sweets because she's had crisps Grin

I think I must just be bias coz I could live off crisps but I’m not really mad for sweets 🤣

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 17:06

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 19/03/2023 17:05

Your DD is old enough to know better. And no, she doesn’t deserve sweets

She's following her dads example.

endoftheworldniteclub · 19/03/2023 17:07

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 17:01

To totally drip feed, she was the only one who bought me a present today. She got two packets of seeds from wilko which was quite sweet of her. So i do feel bad. I get her point of view now I have calmed down re the sweets tho. Just the approach she has taken has grated on me.

Didn’t the approach your 16-year old grate on you, not giving you anything and not bother to come with you? Yet you got him sweets. I can see why she is upset.

Toffeeappler · 19/03/2023 17:07

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:47

Your family sound like a bunch of arses.

Nobody really cared about it being a nice day for you.

H refused food, D threw a hissy fit and S couldn't be bothered to spend a couple of hours with you on Mother's Day.

I wouldn't have got anything for any of them, but it seems mean to buy sweets for one and not the other.

Every word of this.

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