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Original poster

Have we been unfair?

189 replies

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:18

Went to a cafe for afternoon tea. Nice surroundings, great service. However, the food was...below expectations.
Dh couldn't get his chosen meal so just had coffee.
Mine was a defrosted scone whacked on a plate with a jar of jam.
Dd misread the menu and thought it was hot chips, but it was crisps on the side of her sandwich. According to her her sandwich was shit and they hadnt drained the tuna properly (she has a technique at home)

Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc. But got pissed off at her meal so then was in a strop.

So, ds had stayed home. Just finished mocks a week ago, deep in study for 8 weeks time. We said as he wasnt coming wed pick him up a treat on the way home (as dd had a meal...)

Did that. Dd has cracked an absolute hissy fit, has refused to get out of the car (although did come back in for her ipad so can do homework and returned out there) and is refusing to watch football with DH which is their thing, although seems more pissed off with me as I was the one who went into the shop and got sweets for ds. She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Have we been unfair? Should we pop to the shops and get dd some sweets?

Dd 13 and ds 16 for reference.

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 19/03/2023 17:52

Sounds like bad behaviour all round, and very juvenile. I'd have left the lot of them at home and gone somewhere lovely on my own. I certainly wouldn't be bribing teenagers with sweets.

Viviennemary · 19/03/2023 17:53

Afternoon tea isn't really a meal as such. She misread the menu. Her fault. It does sound a bit of a disaster. She does dound a bit of a brat though. Having a toddler type tantrum. Sweet shop not to her liking either.

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 17:54

Pk they arent, but Tbh I would never leave it to the point dh had nothing on fathers day!

At least you don't need to bother this year

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Dominoeffecter · 19/03/2023 17:57

No way are you talking about a 13 year old 🤭😱

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/03/2023 17:58

Well she has been taken tot he shop and calm has been restored.
Ok, I handled the sweets thing badly, have apologised. She has chosen a treat to have and all is ok now. Her and dh are now watching the football!

Your DD had a hissy fit at you, not your DH. Complained about lunch, refused to get out of the car and said she'd "wasted two hours and got nothing for it"

and you apologised to her, gave her the opportunity to choose a treat to her exacting specifications (so she doesn't kick off again if you brought the wrong thing) so she's now agreed to watch football with her dad?

Fair enough if you both apologised to each other, but only you did?
Where's the fairness in that?
Surely she should be apologising to YOU for treating you like that on Mother's Day?
Also the "got nothing for it" comment would really bug me. It sounds like you give into her a lot - and she expects something back for any time she agrees to do what she's asked to do.

When is it your turn to have a tantrum and demand treats? I think you are giving in to all of them too much and have ended up lowest in the pecking order. Time to turn that around. Sorry OP.
Glad its all calmed down now tho and hope you enjoy the rest of your evening .

Rosscameasdoody · 19/03/2023 18:02

YaWeeFurryBastard · 19/03/2023 16:30

I think you’ve been very unfair to be honest, a sandwich is not a treat for a 13 year old! She shouldn’t have been in a strop but I’d be pissed off if my parents got my sibling a treat and not me because I’d had a sandwich.

Finding it hard to understand why so many peoples aren’t getting this. DD had the pick of the menu and chose it herself - just didn’t like it when it came. Doesn’t invalidate the fact that she had the choice, or that it was a treat. DS stayed home to study for exams so got some sweets. Not rocket science, and IMV not unfair.

Easternext · 19/03/2023 18:03

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:27

Should we not have got ds a treat as dd meal was shit?

A sandwich for lunch is not a treat, did ds not make himself a sandwich or any lunch? Should of bought him a meal deal or take out sandwich from the cafe you were at not sweets!!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/03/2023 18:05

They all sound as bad as each other - including your DH.

Your DS couldn't be bothered to buy you a gift or card, or give up two hours of his time to come for lunch. His studying isn't THAT important.
Your DH refused to eat anything once his favourite meal wasn't available - hardly a grown-up way to behave, or a good example to set.
Your DD was out for lunch with two people who were barely eating a thing - of course she didn't want to order a burger while you both sat there with a scone and a cup of coffee.

Honestly, it's your DS and DH who should be apologising here.

Silvers11 · 19/03/2023 18:07

Well I'm sorry you gave it to a 13 year old having a 3 year old tantrum, is all I can say. Your poor son. Guess DD is your favourite child then?

mewkins · 19/03/2023 18:09

Lemonandorange · 19/03/2023 16:24

Ignoring the topic completely, I want to know the tuna draining technique

Squeezing the lid down on the tuna and then draining all liquid out 😄

magicthree · 19/03/2023 18:11

Have you mis-typed OP - she sounds like she is 3, not 13. What a brat!! You've bought DS sweets, not a car.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 19/03/2023 18:12

You're saying she got lunch like it's some big favour to provide your kid a meal.

Why on earth wouldn't you get sweets for both of them if you went into a shop that sells sweets? You actually bought some for your son but felt that daughter doesn't merit any because she 'got lunch' out of you?

StressedToTheMaxxx · 19/03/2023 18:12

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 19/03/2023 16:38

I thought you were going to say she was 3, not 13! Not a chance would I reward that behaviour.

Exactly this, she's acting like a toddler and no way would I pander to that. On top of it, shes ruined your mothers day lunch?

Passthechocolatesplease · 19/03/2023 18:13

I feel for you OP you can’t do right for doing wrong, you sound very much like me trying to please everyone, it’s not easy is it.

I do wish your family could have been more thoughtful towards you, hopefully as you daughter grows up a bit she will realise what a lovely mum she has and will be more appreciative.

endoftheworldniteclub · 19/03/2023 18:13

StressedToTheMaxxx · 19/03/2023 18:12

Exactly this, she's acting like a toddler and no way would I pander to that. On top of it, shes ruined your mothers day lunch?

Show quote history

No, the cafe ruined the lunch.

gencritdd · 19/03/2023 18:16

Are things financially tight for you op?

EarringsandLipstick · 19/03/2023 18:17

I can't believe you got her sweets, actually went back out to the shop with her.

There were a few things wrong here. I agree she should have got a treat initially too.

But all of that is negated by her absolutely awful behaviour. There is simply no excuse for it.

You need to have a clear conversation - with all your family - about your expectations around how they treat you & communicate with you.

Not a hope in hell my 13 yo would have got a treat after that behaviour.

ComeOnYouSummer · 19/03/2023 18:18

Is a tuna sandwich and crisps a treat for a 13 year old? A lot of it sounds like hormones, it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t want to watch the footie with her DD, leave her to it.
I would have bought them both sweets.
I think you’re over worrying, over thinking about what everyone else is doing. Leave them all to it a bit more.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/03/2023 18:19

She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Just reread this.

What a minx. She 'wasted' 2 hours of her day with her mum having lunch on Mother's Day? What does she expect to 'get out of' spending time with her mum?

I'm really sorry OP, this is shit.

ActDottie · 19/03/2023 18:22

I’m just shocked a 13 year old would behave this way!!

Original poster
ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 18:22

Look, i was trying to please everyone and messed up!
Nothing was planned for mothers day, dd pushed to go out so we did. We dont go out except special occasions so this was a treat in my eyes , it certainly was for me! I apologised and both children have now got sweets.
I spent the morning cleaning the house- despite dh being on holiday this week - while dh drove the eldest to work due to train strikes. (Their work is in their college town, not our home town) the afternoon tea was impromptu and i guess i built it up to something it shoudlnt be. That's on me. I messed up with the sweets. Again, that's on me.
Dd has apologised as well now she has calmed down and we have agreed we both need to communicate better. We have, as I said, organised to do the garden together next sunday on my next day off.
I am now going to go cook dinner then spend the evening doing a puzzle. Probably the rest if the family will do their thing. Dh watching whatever football shite I have no interest in, all the dc in their rooms watching you tube, tik tok or whatever. And I am thoroughly going to enjoy the peace and quiet!
Thanks for everyone who responded. It was good to get different views.

OP posts:
Ktime · 19/03/2023 18:26

According to her her sandwich was shit and they hadn’t drained the tuna properly (she has a technique at home)

What is her technique? I avoid tuna due to the moisture.

WingingItSince1973 · 19/03/2023 18:27

I would go an buy myself a lovely bar of choc and some wine and lock myself away in the bathroom. I don't usually ever buy one kid without the other but they all sound selfish on a day that's meant to be a rest and pamper for you.

Sobloodysoreandfedup · 19/03/2023 18:27

Trying to imagine my DM taking me to the shop after I’d had a hissy fit aged 13 because the lunch out she’d paid for wasn’t to my liking and my older brother aged 16 got some sweets.

I’m struggling.

ClaireStandishsLipstick · 19/03/2023 18:28

Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc. But got pissed off at her meal so then was in a strop.

So, ds had stayed home. Just finished mocks a week ago, deep in study for 8 weeks time. We said as he wasnt coming wed pick him up a treat on the way home (as dd had a meal...)

Did that. Dd has cracked an absolute hissy fit, has refused to get out of the car (although did come back in for her ipad so can do homework and returned out there) and is refusing to watch football with DH which is their thing, although seems more pissed off with me as I was the one who went into the shop and got sweets for ds. She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Have we been unfair? Should we pop to the shops and get dd some sweets?

Dd 13 and ds 16 for reference.

Shed get bugger all from me behaving like this.

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