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Original poster

Have we been unfair?

189 replies

ShesHavingAMoment · 19/03/2023 16:18

Went to a cafe for afternoon tea. Nice surroundings, great service. However, the food was...below expectations.
Dh couldn't get his chosen meal so just had coffee.
Mine was a defrosted scone whacked on a plate with a jar of jam.
Dd misread the menu and thought it was hot chips, but it was crisps on the side of her sandwich. According to her her sandwich was shit and they hadnt drained the tuna properly (she has a technique at home)

Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc. But got pissed off at her meal so then was in a strop.

So, ds had stayed home. Just finished mocks a week ago, deep in study for 8 weeks time. We said as he wasnt coming wed pick him up a treat on the way home (as dd had a meal...)

Did that. Dd has cracked an absolute hissy fit, has refused to get out of the car (although did come back in for her ipad so can do homework and returned out there) and is refusing to watch football with DH which is their thing, although seems more pissed off with me as I was the one who went into the shop and got sweets for ds. She says she has wasted 2 hours of her life and got nothing out of it!

Have we been unfair? Should we pop to the shops and get dd some sweets?

Dd 13 and ds 16 for reference.

OP posts:
MrMarkham · 19/03/2023 19:48

I don't know, but after having my second I very quickly twigged you can't get one a treat and not the other without there being hell to pay. Lunch isn't a treat, she would have had lunch at home if you hadn't gone out? I don't get the equivalency, she probably feels like she's being punished for actually partaking in your Mother's Day meal while your son stayed at home which seems a bit unfair really.

endoftheworldniteclub · 19/03/2023 19:50

latetothefisting · 19/03/2023 19:01

So mainly i think shes being a huge brat given she could also have stayed at home if she wanted
Or of she wanted something more treat-y she could have ordered it from the menu but chose a sandwich. So she's in a mood because her food wasn't as nice as she was expecting which is nothing to do with you! I don't understand why she just didn't say at the time if the sandwich was horrible and get something else.

If she'd been normal about it I would have grabbed her some sweets at the same time as you got them for ds just because she'd had a meal while you were out which isn't the same as sweets and for the sake of 50p or whatever why wouldn't you? But I definitely wouldn't reward ger for sweets for being so rude and childish!

But I definitely wouldn't reward ger for sweets for being so rude and childish!

She is a child. They can be childish, you know.

rwalker · 19/03/2023 19:58

Haven’t read the full thread but I would have left her in the car to strop all she wants

Interested in this thread?

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GlassBunion · 19/03/2023 20:06

So your13 yr old stropped because she didn't get sweets? And refused to get out of the car???

You have a daughter problem.

ilovemyspace · 19/03/2023 20:36

@Xzxzxzxz It was in her control though. She could've just got DD a packet of sweets same as DS.
How was the food under her contol??

@DaveyJonesLocker Walking round a petting farm/garden center place as a teenager. Yeah that's a pretty boring day.
Read the OP 1st post: Now, up until the 'meal' she was quite happy pootling around with us looking at the animals they have there etc.

@ComeOnYouSummer Are you strapped for cash OP, if this is the case I think it puts a lot more pressure on things like a sandwich scone out to be perfect?
😂😂 what??!!

@Porkandbeans1 What???Bloody hell, some of these replies are bizarre. Could the op have bought sweets for both kids? Yes, obviously. But her DD isn't a small child. She's a teenager who acted like a brat and refused to get in the car over a packet of sweets.
The meal was shit op, that isn't your fault. It's mother's day, give yourself a break.

Thank god for the voice of reason I honestly wonder how the children of fututre generations are going to cope with things not going how they want, judging by a lot of these mad responses.

Parents are here to educate their children and help them to deal with the world. (and all its disappointments) Yes, children have strops and push against parents' rules. This is natural, but children (yes, even teenagers) need to know there are boundaries. Boundaries make children feel safe!!

bubbles2023 · 19/03/2023 20:45

Her response was brattish, but why didn't you buy her sweets? Surely it's like £1.50 at most. I thought initially you meant you bought ds food food as he'd missed out.

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 21:01

GlassBunion · 19/03/2023 20:06

So your13 yr old stropped because she didn't get sweets? And refused to get out of the car???

You have a daughter problem.

To be fair, they specifically stopped to buy sweets, which were bought. And she got none. That's a bit shit. I'd be annoyed if DP went and bought himself sweets and nothing for me.

Aphrathestorm · 19/03/2023 21:20

I literally thought you were talking about a toddler!

Buying sweets for one and not the other is odd.

But Dd and DH sound rude.

Shitfather · 19/03/2023 21:53

She sounds like an entitled little toddler brat. I was taken aback when you mentioned she was 13! No sweets u Tim she’s reflected in her stroppy behaviour.

Icantfindmykeys · 20/03/2023 18:33

Dacadactyl · 19/03/2023 16:21

No. What do you mean get her sweets? For what? Ruining your mothers day lunch by moaning because she misread the menu?!

She'd be getting sod all from me.

This and I’d ignore her until she sorted herself out!

InSpainTheRain · 20/03/2023 18:39

If my DD had a hissy fit just because she had a sandwich she didn't like I'd be having very stern words! One poor sandwich doesn't give her license to ruin any one else's day and I'd tell her so. Ok so you got DS some sweets but bearing in mind she was pissed off she'd have got nothing from me. If she had behaved and been ok about it then I'd have got her something. I'd be having some stern words to try to prevent any further "hissy fits" and poor behaviour.

anythinginapinch · 20/03/2023 18:41

Sounds to me like your DD was trying hard to make it a special day for you (the emerging adult in her) and then got hangry and felt neglected so had a strip (the time-served child in her). 13 is a vile age to be. I expect DS has had a lot of attention and special treats during revision period and has been allowed to opt out of family things likewise. I'd give her a massive hug and go out for sweets

Toomuchtrouble4me · 20/03/2023 18:58

Can’t relate all this stroppy behaviour to the ages of your kids. Ridiculous.

nannykatherine · 20/03/2023 19:10

Teenage strop
just ignore her
teenagers are like toddlers
ignore the strops etc and they go away..
just have a chill in the house with out her

QueenoftheFarts · 20/03/2023 19:17

Your daughter is being rather obnoxious. She needs to realise that sometimes a lunch out isnt quite the delight you hoped for from the menu.

But I wouldn't buy sweets for one and not the other... u unless you are going for the teachable moment around her being a crappy lunch guest....

Divorcedalongtime · 20/03/2023 19:22

I grew up with bulimia and I see red flags when people get overly upset with food as that’s how I was in my teens and twenties.

apaprt from that, yes you should give her treats too, obviously and apologise.

also as a side note to other posters I find it really disturbing how many grown women call children brats.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/03/2023 19:54

Hi OP. I'm glad everyone has calmed down but some of the things you said really stood out.

"Look I was trying to please everyone and I messed up!"

I don't think you did mess up actually. It is a treat to go out for lunch or whatever. It was mother's day and none of your family seem to have factored you into any of their equations.

the afternoon tea was impromptu and i guess i built it up to something it shoudlnt be. That's on me. I messed up with the sweets. Again, that's on me.

Can you see what is wrong with this situation. Why is it all on YOU! Why are YOU in the wrong? You consider it "messing up" because your DD had a tantrum and feel you have to apologise to her and buy sweets - after that behaviour (yes it would have been good to get the sweets first - but not after that) Also its NOT messing up... its not down to you ruining the day. How are you responsible for the sandwich not being up to standard? You didn't make it. Why is it OK to take it out on you.

You had a good idea to go out for the tea, it was Mothers day. That is not building it up to something it shouldn't be. The fact is that none of your family were willing to co-operate and all of them were only thinking of themselves.

I am not saying this to make you feel bad but what I can see here is that you are the one running around trying to please everyone, but its not being reciprocated and you deserve better than that from them and you should tell them so.

Its not about mother's day its about them recognising how much you do for them, how you try to keep them all happy and how nice it would be if they sent some of that vibe back to you. You should tell them and you should demand more from them.

Im glad your daughter apologised to you in the end. But maybe The next time you feel like apologising - think twice, and think if it really is you at fault. Demand respect because you deserve it and make the lot of them take you out on a nice outing and all of them behave themselves this time.

browneyes77 · 20/03/2023 20:17

Sobloodysoreandfedup · 19/03/2023 18:27

Trying to imagine my DM taking me to the shop after I’d had a hissy fit aged 13 because the lunch out she’d paid for wasn’t to my liking and my older brother aged 16 got some sweets.

I’m struggling.

Quite

I know what I’d be getting from my mother and it wouldn’t be a reward for my behaviour!

Beccarecca · 20/03/2023 20:30

Your son missed out on an afternoon out as was revising. Bringing him home sweets was a nice thought. Your daughter chose to come out instead but didn't enjoy her lunch so is now throwing a toddler tantrum. Tell her to grow up. I absolutely wouldn't buy her anything no matter what the monetary value for behaving like that. Your lunch was shit too... Why don't you throw a tantrum and send someone to buy you sweets? And she came in from the car to get her iPad and took it back out? Take the damn thing off her and tell her to do her homework on pen and paper. She sounds incredibly entitled and I'm guessing she didn't pay for the iPad out of her own pocket! If it's your fault she had a shit lunch and didn't get sweets she clearly doesn't value the hard work that went in to buying her an iPad.

aSpanielintheworks · 20/03/2023 20:31

My DD is 12. I'm struggling to see this as anything other than a non-issue. If I'd have taken her out and bought her a sandwich lunch, it's lunch.
I'd have bought sweets for both or neither. I can't honestly say this scenario would cause me a moment's further thought.

UnicornsDoExist · 20/03/2023 20:39

Another one who thought you had a 3 year old. she sounds very spoiled

Fluffmum · 20/03/2023 20:40

Of course get them both treats. A sandwich isn’t sweets

Justalittlebitduckling · 20/03/2023 20:50

Wasted two hours of her life? Got nothing out of it?

What an entitled brat! Throwing a hissy fit for not having sweets as a 13 year old?

Thefriendlyone · 20/03/2023 20:57

Justalittlebitduckling · 20/03/2023 20:50

Wasted two hours of her life? Got nothing out of it?

What an entitled brat! Throwing a hissy fit for not having sweets as a 13 year old?

And yer you’re on here hurling abuse at a 13 year old. How old are you then?

neitherofthem · 20/03/2023 21:02

Neither of your dc should have expected any kind of treat yesterday - they were supposed to be treating you.