When people suddenly/without warning

[JoonT]

A few weeks ago I had a (sort of) argument with a family member. I don’t know how it came up, but someone mentioned dying, and how they’d like to go. I said “I want to go suddenly, just sitting in a chair with a glass wine, and not know anything about it...those close to me know I love them, so there’s no need to say goodbye.” This other family member said “no one dies just like that - it’s almost always slow and horrible” She’s quite a bitter, angry person, who picks arguments, so I let it drop. But people DO go just like that? Don’t they? I mean, sat in front of the TV, or whatever. I must admit I’ve never known it happen. My own experiences of death have all been pretty horrible, and I’ve never known anyone die suddenly, or instantly.

Of course they do. My best friend's aunty was found sitting in a chair, cuppa next to her, TV on and pizza still in the oven.

Of course they do. My best friend's aunty was found sitting in a chair, cuppa next to her, TV on and pizza still in the oven.

My grandfather and great uncle, who lived with us in my childhood, both died in their sleep at home in their 80s. Slightly less reassuringly, a colleague of DH’s died recently aged 47, apparently of a heart attack in his sleep — no known health problems, active job.

My gran went swimming with a friend and had a sudden and massive heart attack in the changing room and died.

Shock for everyone but she went just minutes after having a wonderful time.

yes lots of people do. When blood supply to the brain stops, you carry on as normal for about 20-30 seconds, then switch off - I have known it happen literally mid sentence

Lots of people just go to sleep and don't wake up

My dgf died like this

He was 84 . My Nan had died a year before and it had broken his heart but he was getting on with life and still active etc. he went out for a stroll round the shops with my Aunty and when she went into a shop he said he'd wait outside on the bench and have a sit down. He was absolutely fine and happy but he just closed his eyes and died. He would not have known anything about it it was a good way to go for an amazing person 🥲

Yes, definitely - my granny went out for a drive and as far as we know her heart just stopped. She had done everything she wanted that morning and just never came home. Devastating shock but it would have been exactly what she wanted.

A friend of mine had her very elderly mother living with her. The old lady was quite frail but very with it mentally. My friend had made her a bacon sandwich and went up to collect the plate. Her mum (who was sat up in bed) said "that was a lovely sandwich. Any chance of another cup of tea?" My friend took the plate and went to make a cup of tea. When she came back up with it her mother had passed away, peacefully, propped up on her pillows in bed.

A terrible shock for my friend but everyone agreed it was a lovely way to go.

A friends Dad was standing over the BBQ in their garden and just dropped like a stone, massive heart attack, the paramedic said he was gone before he hit the paving. Huge shock, mid 60's.

A friends elderly Grandma was sitting on the couch at a family get together. She was tired after a day's socialising, put her head back and closed her eyes "just for a minute". It was several minutes later that they noticed she had actually passed quietly away.

I know many more that have had a slow decline in old age finished off by something like pneumonia though. And those ravaged by cancer sadly.

I don't know any stats to give you to prove your argument but your relative sounds like someone to avoid!

My great nan had a sudden stroke berry picking in her 90s. Spent 3 days unconscious in hospital before shuffling off. Death goals.

My Uncle died in the chair. He had clearly sat down and had a massive heart attack. He was found the next morning.

Two of my grandparents died suddenly like that. My paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother.

Undoubtedly a good way to go for the person themselves, but a horrible shock for those left behind.

Old guy friends with my gran. Died on his annual two week coach holiday in Scotland. In his sleep.

God, did she crash? Or was she found at the wheel? Both my grandparents had horrible deaths, and it has really poisoned my memory of them. I wish they’d gone like that.

Yes, plenty of people die quickly, but modern medicine means most dont.

My friend's mum died suddenly of a massive heart attack.

My grandfather in law and a colleague's grandma went the same way.

Friend 44 died suddenly of a heart attack on holiday to his new wife's family in their family home. He was helping them hang a TV on the wall. Just dropped dead - nothing could have saved his life.

My grandmother just dropped dead of a massive heart attack. Honestly, I suspect I'll go like that too, but rather hope it's so quick I'm not scared. Her face looked terrified when I saw the body

Absolutely they do. My nana passed away at the dining table just as it was about to be served. There one min and gone the next. My fil passed away on the sofa. Literally just closed his eyes and went.

Yes, not everyone goes that way. My dad didn't. But many do

FiL's death was caught on camera. He was sat watching telly and gave one little kick of the leg and that was it.

We had a camera as he was having regular falls so it was installed with his permission so we could see at a glance that he was ok. As it was an unexpected death the police watched the video to check what happened. It was a huge relief for his sons that we could see it was absolutely instant and no suffering.

They do 100%. I've known three people to pass like that in the last few months. It's devastating for the families

She did crash, but they believe that happened after she died, although it’s impossible to know for certain. I hope she wasn’t aware. My friend’s a GP and said it would have been like someone switching a light off. Had to try very hard to comfort myself with the fact that she would have wanted it to be that way.

Her husband went in the same way - went to bed and never woke up.

I feel for you . Have lost/am losing other relatives to much more difficult illnesses - and seen some bloody horrendous deaths in hospital - and watching someone very slowly die in particular is absolutely awful for all concerned.

My husband’s grandfather was found sat in his armchair. He had one of the old fashioned whistling kettles still on the job, with the bottom burned out of it. He must have put the kettle on, sat down while it boiled, and died before it did.

It’s more usual for death’s to be slower, but sometimes, yes people do die suddenly.

One of my great-uncles died suddenly of a heart attack while he was out playing golf. It’s probably a good way to go, but it was a terrible shock for everyone else.

And I’ve known 2 colleagues who dropped dead suddenly. One while working out, and one who died at his desk.

My Dad had an Aneurysm that burst while watching tv, he died instantly.

Our neighbour died at the theatre, sat watching the show, his wife turned to look at him and his head was flopped forward.

Also a family friend, he asked his wife for a drink, she made it and as she passed it to him his eyes rolled up in his head and he was gone.

I think it's nice for the person not suffering through an illness but for me I found the shock of losing Dad equally as bad as the grief so it was a double whammy.