When people suddenly/without warning

[JoonT]

A few weeks ago I had a (sort of) argument with a family member. I don’t know how it came up, but someone mentioned dying, and how they’d like to go. I said “I want to go suddenly, just sitting in a chair with a glass wine, and not know anything about it...those close to me know I love them, so there’s no need to say goodbye.” This other family member said “no one dies just like that - it’s almost always slow and horrible” She’s quite a bitter, angry person, who picks arguments, so I let it drop. But people DO go just like that? Don’t they? I mean, sat in front of the TV, or whatever. I must admit I’ve never known it happen. My own experiences of death have all been pretty horrible, and I’ve never known anyone die suddenly, or instantly.

My brother’s SIL nodded off’ around some friends a couple of weeks ago watching a movie. They covered her with a blanket to keep her warm, turned out she died.

My husbands a paramedic and he says the majority of jobs he goes on when the person has already passed before he gets there, passed very quickly, in their sleep or relaxing in a chair. Last week he went to a father of two, 48 yrs old. Walked into a pub, greeted his friends, ordered a piny, sat down and died. No fuss, no noise. It took seconds. Very sad but peaceful.

Yes this is DP’s plan too.

I lost a relative suddenly and without warning from a brain haemorrhage but they were aware something was wrong, felt like they couldn’t breathe and needed to lie down (in middle of supermarket) and appeared scared and aware something didn’t feel right before they lost consciousness. So it was quick but not necessarilly peaceful or without fear/ any knowledge of what was happening.

Personally I’d rather a slower death with warning than a sudden one and my worst fear is knowing it’s about to happen but a few seconds or minutes before, so knowing but not having any ability to carry out any last wishes. Id rather have a few weeks or months warning.

This is such a life-affirming story, what a beautiful close to a long life lived to the full! Your great uncle sounds lovely 😘

My grandad got the bus into the town centre, bought some tomatoes and got the bus home again. He then sat down in front of the TV, put the snooker on and fell asleep while my Nanna was making tea. When she went in to wake him, he was dead. What a wonderful way to go, he was much luckier than my other 3 grandparents.

This reminds me of the old Bob Monkhouse joke:
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father. Not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus.."

Just a question - when people die suddenly from a massive heart attack, do they not feel any pain? Or is it so quick that they wouldn’t suffer at all?

My mother in law and my mum just passed like this. My dad found her
He said he could tell by how he found her it was instantaneous and she knew nothing. Thank god. Thank bloody god

Not very often… Although my grandfather died suddenly of a massive heart attack. He was standing with my grandma looking out the window and was dead before he hit the floor. Unfortunately she had a lingering and painful death from cancer, as did my mother and my uncle. My other grandfather died a slow death from Parkinson's, as did another uncle.
If we manage to bring about medially assisted dying in the UK everyone will be able to have a peaceful and painless ending.

Mother worked in a retirement home for 25+ years. Yes they do go like that sometimes. Sometimes she would get very close to patients and they would seem very healthy and full of life and she would go grab them a pillow or a drink and she would come back and they would just be gone. Mom would come home and cry for a bit. She said she would never get over losing her patients.

Some days they would be seemingly well but if they lost a spouse, close friend or a relative they would just say something similar to "Don't weep for me. I'm done holding on. I'm going to let go now." And within the next 24-48 hours they would be gone."

I guess I won't understand the holding on thing until I'm at that life stage but it's apparently real. You can "hold on" to life and then just "let go" when you are ready. They would just slip away.

I knew a lovely patient as my mother used to bring me to her work when I was a kid. Most kids were scared of the old people but I loved them. They were very friendly and talkative. This particular one used to always give me candy and talk about how her family survived the great depression and all the crazy "poor food" her mother cooked during that time. She was just chatting away and told me to go get my mom because she thinks her time is coming. I was confused because she was standing there just chatting away as usual. I come back with my mom and she's in her chair and looks like she's asleep.

I was 8 at the time so my mother told me she was just tired and taking a nap. Years later she told me what actually happened.

I do believe in peaceful deaths. I mean there is no guarantee that there is such thing as an entirely painless death. But I believe there are deaths short somewhat comfortable deaths that have a low level of discomfort at the very least.

No-one is going to be able to answer that! We'd all like to think it would be painless.

Yep. My grandmother went for a lie down on her bed in her lovely sun drenched bedroom one spring afternoon and never woke up. Perfect.

I say perfect as she was 88, had some health concerns which meant she could suddenly die like that but nothing to prevent her having a lovely life to the end.

My father died of a heart attack when I was 20.

I'd recently left him and I'd phoned him from my office that morning and had a chat with him (he was off work).

When my mum got home from work, mid-afternoon, she found him dead on the ground in the garden!

I'd been the last person to talk to him. It's odd as I'd never normally phone during the day.

I've seen my brother suffer terribly with cancer and can thank God my dad didn't suffer. However, it was a huge shock and I wish I'd had time to tell him how I felt.

Now I'm a lot older I regret not having asked him more about his life when he was younger too!

DP's Grandad had just finished his lunch. He got up from the table and sat in his favourite chair, by the time his wife appeared with the tea she was making he was dead.

my great aunt died in her sleep at age 103 after a night of drinking sherry and telling jokes. if i had to pick a way, itd be soemthing like that!

Yes it’s been posted about four times already on this thread

@Bleakhouser not before the post that I quoted. Forgive me for not reading several hundred death tales just to avoid annoying you...

Do they still have to attempt resuscitation when it is clear they are dead and gone?

I would hate the thought of a 105 year old dying at home n their sleep having this indignity just because they don't have a DNR order.

I worry about this as I have unstable epilepsy and live alone.. I've known of several younger people found dead from seizures.

This is my favourite story.

Additional question...if you could choose your perfect death, what would it be? I’d probably be slightly drunk (or happily tipsy), then, on the way home from the pub, sit on a park bench with a loved one to watch the snow fall, doze off and die without even knowing it’s happened. Hopefully, there is no afterlife of any kind either. Just pfff...gone.

If there really is no afterlife of any kind (and I’ve never made up my mind on this), then a sudden death is almost impossible to comprehend. I mean, the idea that you can be walking along, churning over some worry, and then you drop dead, and it’s nothing forever.

My dad's stepdad died of a heart attack in his sleep. No sign of anything. I remember being told the police turned up because it seemed strange.

I've reported hundreds of sudden deaths and the vast vast majority have been where people have simply passed away in their sleep with no distress at all .

My neighbour passed away on Saturday afternoon after watching Norwich City lose again ,l She went out to make a cup of tea to the tune of him grumbling about bloody useless refs , came back 5 minutes later and he was gone . She called me over to see if I could help , and we called ambo but it was obvious it was irrevocable .

My Dad died in his sleep with a smile on his face