When people suddenly/without warning

[JoonT]

A few weeks ago I had a (sort of) argument with a family member. I don’t know how it came up, but someone mentioned dying, and how they’d like to go. I said “I want to go suddenly, just sitting in a chair with a glass wine, and not know anything about it...those close to me know I love them, so there’s no need to say goodbye.” This other family member said “no one dies just like that - it’s almost always slow and horrible” She’s quite a bitter, angry person, who picks arguments, so I let it drop. But people DO go just like that? Don’t they? I mean, sat in front of the TV, or whatever. I must admit I’ve never known it happen. My own experiences of death have all been pretty horrible, and I’ve never known anyone die suddenly, or instantly.

My friend woke up Inthe morning and her husband was dead by her side. My bosses wife died ,two days after giving birth of sad. Sudden adult death syndrome both didn't suffer but the loved ones sure did.

One of our neighbours, woman in her 80's, died with her feet up, tv on and a glass of whisky next to her looking peaceful (apparently). That's how I would like to go.

Know of several people who died in their sleep.

I think Ray Liotta went the same way @Greensleevevssnotnose ?

Yes it happens. I have had family members die suddenly, and in my line of work it is not un common for people to "drop dead". I hope I go that way too.

An elderly relative of mine got up in the night to go to the toilet,had a heart attack and died in the middle of going.
Another one had just ordered a pint, took one sip and then dropped dead from a heart attack.

My dad died in his sleep of heart failure. It wasn't a heart attack, his heart just stopped. I take comfort in it because I feel like he died the way he deserved to. No pain, no drama just slipped away.

My great aunt at 102. She was chatting on the telephone then went silent.

I’ve known quite a few, two of which were driving a car at the time, thankfully not fast. Both of my maternal grandparents ‘dropped dead’ at home after going to the toilet in the night. My great uncle died eating his Sunday lunch.

Yes they absolutely do, several distant relatives and family friends have died suddenly. I’ve also weirdly know 4 people who died in in three different small aircraft crashes over the years. Those are probably terrifying but quick deaths. I will never fly in a small plane!!!

My dad died at 51 of a massive coronary , sitting in a reclining chair with a cigarette in his hand just about to be lit - great way for him to go , absolutely awful for the rest of us .

I don't feel comfortable sharing stories (not my place) but yes, of course people can and do die in an instant - even if there is no illness, the body can't carry on forever. And then there are of course conditions that kill without someone being aware they have them - the case of Danish footballer Christian Eriksen, who collapsed in the middle of a match, comes to mind. He did survive, but only because he collapsed during a major championship and within spitting distance of a hospital renowned for its cardiac department.

Death following illness enables loved ones to say goodbye and could be said to be kinder on them, but an instant, peaceful death is kinder on the person dying.

Apologies, you reminded me of my favourite Bob Monkhouse joke…..
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did - in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming - like his passengers.

Anyway, yes my actual real Grandpa, in his early eighties, very fit and healthy with no known health issues, went out one morning in the car for a paper and my Grandma called my Uncle about an hour later to say he’d not come back. Uncle went out and found Grandpa’s car swerved to the edge of the road (no one else involved luckily) and an ambulance and witnesses still there. Appeared that he’d died instantaneously at the wheel. I’ve got mixed emotions about it tbh. On the one hand, he died so suddenly it is unlikely he suffered at all. On the other he was fit and healthy til later in life and it was utterly unexpected and distressingly shocking for everyone else. When my father died, he’d been ill for so long (MS) it was sad but not totally unexpected and so not as shocking even though he was much younger. And, although it wasn’t a walk in the park for him, his illness had been managed fairly well til that point so he didn’t ‘suffer’ as such and still lived a nice life that he definitely enjoyed. So, who knows, what’s best? No idea.

Yes, my nannan did. My mam and one of her siblings had a feeling, went round and got the police to open the door. She'd gone whilst in her chair, watching TV. She'd been fine just hours earlier.

One of my brother's close friends literally dropped down dead while she was cooking dinner. One minute she was walking across the kitchen and the next she was dead.

It happens.

For all those who’ve lost loved ones.
I love all the stories of people looking forward to a nice cup of tea.

This is exactly how someone I know went except they had a passenger in the car. She said ‘What are you doing?!’ and he was dead.

I should add, for myself, I don’t fear death, or even illness really. I do however fear for my loved ones left behind. In that regard I’d prefer not to suddenly and unexpectedly drop dead no matter how much better that might be for me personally.

My friend's grandad died in our local pub. He was having a laugh and a pint with his mates and just went head first onto the table. Not a bad way to go.

My grandad died in the rocking chair in the kitchen. Coincidentally, my friend's mum lives in that house now and I've never let on.

Both my parents had really good deaths.

My dad was in hospital and my brother had popped into see him. I rang the hospital and my brother came to the phone to say 'dad was fine and there was no emergency.' He returned to the bedside to find dad had died... we were on the phone for about 3 minutes. They had spent the last couple of hours chatting, laughing and reminiscing.

My mum had cancer. She died in a hospice 16 weeks after diagnosis. Her death was so peaceful and a real privilege to witness and be part of as she departed this world.

People often go suddenly. My grandad was on holiday in Spain and had a sudden massive heart attack in the shower with no warning or anything.

Yes my grandad. My aunt was staying with him went to make a cup of tea left him reading the paper in his armchair and when she came back in he was dead. He was in his 80s.

My friend died suddenly of a massive heart attack, aged 51. He knew nothing about it but it’s been so hard for everyone else. He was messaging me a few minutes before, no warning whatsoever.

My grandfather always said he wanted to have a massive heart attack on the golf course. He actually had a massive stroke in a cafe but to my mind that’s approximately a win and the outcome and sentiment he wanted.

As a hospital medical doctor I never see these cases so my perception is fairly skewed as I feel like it never happens but it clearly it does sometimes. Maybe your relative is also reflecting their own experience.

Just be careful about expressing your wishes. I knew a senior stroke nurse who had told her husband she did not wish to be resuscitated. She obviously meant this in the context of being very frail, elderly and disabled by stroke as she saw people day in and day out. She had a sudden cardiac arrest in her 50s and her husband felt really conflicted about resuscitating her. Thankfully he did and the ambulance crew continued and she made a full recovery and back to work.

İt does happen. But I recall being at a work seminar about death and this topic came up - how we'd want to die. I said I'd much rather go suddenly. The seminar leader said that only 3% of deaths are like this.

Wish I'd ask wherever that statistic came from. My grandmother died like this - was found on the toilet. Would have amused her no end as she loved to talk about her bowels!