When people suddenly/without warning

[JoonT]

A few weeks ago I had a (sort of) argument with a family member. I don’t know how it came up, but someone mentioned dying, and how they’d like to go. I said “I want to go suddenly, just sitting in a chair with a glass wine, and not know anything about it...those close to me know I love them, so there’s no need to say goodbye.” This other family member said “no one dies just like that - it’s almost always slow and horrible” She’s quite a bitter, angry person, who picks arguments, so I let it drop. But people DO go just like that? Don’t they? I mean, sat in front of the TV, or whatever. I must admit I’ve never known it happen. My own experiences of death have all been pretty horrible, and I’ve never known anyone die suddenly, or instantly.

I have also had hypothermia, and like you, since then I have thought it wouldn't be a bad way to go.

I have had experience of sudden deaths in the family. I find tragic sudden death in an accident far harder to come to terms with, than sudden death sat in an armchair, obviously.

Yes they do but it's rarer now, my grandfather had a massive heartattack while playing darts , he had a smile on his face. It was very sudden and he was only 55 but it does happen..

A chap in our village, he had a day out with his wife, she made him a cup of tea, he drank it and just died. Peacefully in his chair by the fire. She was a nurse, realised he had gone, rang the ambulance and then sat with him and prayed (she was very spiritual) and finished her tea. She was so peaceful about it.
A friends aunty had just taken communion, knelt down to pray and then didn't get up with everyone else.
My FIL, he was told he didn't have long so he went off all his medication and passed away a day later after having a good laugh with all his grandchildren. Just went to sleep.

My Dad died in his sleep, sitting in his chair. I've got his diaries - the day he died he wrote "didn't feel very well today". Sat down in the evening (after sending me an email) and never woke up.

My grandad died exactly in that manner. Peacefully, quietly in the armchair in front of the telly.

My uncle finished The Times crossword, put down his pen and died. My dad had a couple of weeks of illness including Covid picked up in hospital, but the day before he died (last time he spoke) I went in with my son, we said we loved him and the last thing he said was I love you. He was 93. He was unconscious shortly after that and died the next day holding my hand. A long time but we could at least make sure he wasn't alone.

My mum's friend died unexpectedly in her lounge on Tuesday evening. They had just had a takeaway and were sitting down to look at photos of our recent trip abroad. Shocking and quite surreal (in that it doesn't seem real).

Pneumonia is supposed to be a very nice way to go though. Not fast, but peaceful.

yep one of my relatives got up one morning, had some weetabix, went to the bathroom, dropped down dead. He was 50. Brain aneurysm

I know people are saying sudden death is worse for those left behind but after nursing my Nan and then my Mam through cancer, for months, I would %100 rather get a call that they had gone quickly. I have images in my head I can never forget.

Yes people do go like that.
My Mum died in my arms when we were reading a book I had bought for Dad's birthday. It was quick, with me one minute and gone the next. I was relieved there was no suffering.

I lost one parent to cancer and one to sudden death. The sudden death was worse for me. Sudden death is obviously a much nicer way to go for the person who dies than suffering with cancer.
Yes, the cancer was hideous, but we had time to come to terms with what was going to happen, we were able to say everything we needed to say, we were able to sort things in advance and so on and so forth.
My Dad's sudden death was the nicest way for him to go but the shock was the most horrific thing ever. It was 4 years ago and I still have panic attacks. And then there's the great sorrow that we had no warning whatsoever and no chance to say goodbye. He was just ripped out of our lives and that was it. Gone. I don't feel like I will ever recover probably from this.

I have often thought that if I ever have a terminal cancer diagnosis, I will take a load of sleeping pills, go out one cold night, settle on a bench somewhere, sip some whisky or brandy, and let the cold take me. I will also write a note for the person who has to find me, apologising for the shock and upset.

My lovely step-mum got up in the night for a wee, came back to bed, sat down on the bed and her heart stopped. She'd been for a run, and was mid decorating the downstairs that day. She was 63 and very fit, but her heart just stopped.

I was woken at 3am by my Dad, incoherent with shock and grief and will never forget his voice. He died a couple of years later at 69 and never recovered from her death :(

Yeah, you can go suddenly, barely knowing anything about it. Or it can be drawn out and horrid. The end result is the same. Death is kind. Death takes away all suffering. Whether you know about it or not.

I'm going to give my husband a hug before I go to bed tonight. He's amazing but the stresses of juggling young children and jobs mean that there's very little time for "us". This thread has made me so emotional.

I know a few elderly people who have died like this! Great way to go!

@JoonT this happened suddenly with my grandfather. My Nan
popped to the shop and he was sat watching tele with his cup of tea and on her return from town, she couldn’t make him hear to get the door and looked through the window to find he had passed away. Very sad, but very quick.

I know two family members who died most recently died peacefully. I think it's just that those prolonged painful deaths are so heart breaking.

Yes, quite a lot do go in ways very similar to that. My darling great-uncle died in his sleep during an afternoon nap, very peacefully. He was 105, and had been out ALL NIGHT the night before with two little ladies in their 80s...we used to joke with him that those younger women would kill him, and, I guess, they did. But what a wonderful end to a long, long life!

Dhs nanny got on a plane after a lovely holiday in Spain. She sat in her seat and died.
(The plane was delayed by 3 hours)

I know someone who died in a restaurant celebrating his 80 something th birthday with family. Just keeled over in to his pudding. I’ve always said that how I’d like to go, surrounded by family, eating lovely food.
I might wait ‘til after pudding though.

Yep, my mum went like that. Had to break into her flat, and there she was on the floor, in her dressing gown, obviously on her way to bed with a mug of milk in her hand. Died of a heart attack, and as a very experienced ex-nurse relative told me 'She had probably gone before she hit the floor'. The empty mug was beside her unbroken!
I'd choose to go that way if I could.

Following on from the croquet, golf, darts and fottball deaths, my grandad died suddenly in the middle of a chess game in a local tournament.

Once the worst of the grief had subsided, my granny joked he was always a sore loser and would do anything to avoid losing!