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Original poster

Please talk me out of getting rid of my lodger-I can't afford it can I?

187 replies

midlander79 · 13/03/2023 15:15

A month or so ago I told my lodger to start looking elsewhere as our arrangement wasn't working. He did but hasn't found anywhere. He is totally the type to give up and hope I'll sort of forget about it. I was about to write formal notice (although I am not a totally horrible person and will give him more than the statutory seven days) and then I was made redundant.

I have about £3K in savings. I have applied for JSA. Not entitled to UC. Earn about £100 a month from freelance work. I am quite employable and am sure I will find work soon-but I haven't been actively looking because some of the people from my old work are making noises about setting up on our own and I'd much rather do that, but I don't know what is happening with that yet.

I've also some life struggles involving family and other things th.at are really hard to work through-with that and work my head is all over the place.
I really really REALLY want him out. I want my space back.
He drives me insane as he doesn't DO anything! Just hangs about the house all day-only goes out to the supermarket and jobcentre a couple of times per week. He's incredibly nosy about everything I do, interjects on conversations I have with visitors or on the phone, and constantly nitpicks at me for any slight misdemeanor.
I probably sound unhinged-I've wanted him out for a long time but talked myself out of it due to feeling it isn't fair on him and other reasons (cost of living/bills etc)... it'd be financially idiotic to get rid of him now, now I have no income, wouldn't it?

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/03/2023 15:16

Get rid of him and get a different lodger?

Eudaimonia5 · 13/03/2023 15:20

Can you stick it out for another month or two until you are hopefully able to secure some form of employment? As soon as you get a job, you could give him notice.

The obvious solution would be to kick him out with the 7 days notice and get another lodger. But will you be able to get another lodger in that quickly?

Original poster
midlander79 · 13/03/2023 15:31

Thank you. Yes I think I might get a different lodger in time, but I also just want my own space to recover from all that's gone on, and from him! He can be quite awful but even while not being awful he's so bloody annoying! I have to be quiet on the phone to friends as he earwigs, makes up his own conclusions and then goes on at me about it. I am constantly harangued about my conduct within and out of the house-he tells me what to do and gives his opinion on everything and anything within my life-my MH is suffering a lot and much as I don't value his opinion and can just ignore him, It's the boiling frog thing. I'd be so much happier-and be able to breathe! If he wasn't here.

OP posts:
fatherfintanstack · 13/03/2023 15:32

Look for another job and if the plan to set up with others from your old employer starts to become concrete then fine but don't wait for them.

Give him formal notice (a month if you want to cover your back until you get closer to finding work) and advertise for another lodger. He sounds unbearable.

Have you told him not to interrupt your private conversations and reminded him whose house it is?

Yesthatismychildsigh · 13/03/2023 15:32

There is no statutory seven day’s notice.

TempNCforthis · 13/03/2023 15:33

I would definitely get rid of him. You need to be in a really positive frame of mind at the moment and he is stopping that.

fatherfintanstack · 13/03/2023 15:34

Christ, cross post. Give him a week to get out and breathe!

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 13/03/2023 15:34

Just get rid of him op. Your wellbeing is far more important.

humancalculator · 13/03/2023 15:34

Get rid of him. It’ll give you the space you need for planning your next steps. Depending on where you are could you put his room on AirBnB for the occasional supplement?

LeilaRose777 · 13/03/2023 15:34

midlander79 · 13/03/2023 15:31

Thank you. Yes I think I might get a different lodger in time, but I also just want my own space to recover from all that's gone on, and from him! He can be quite awful but even while not being awful he's so bloody annoying! I have to be quiet on the phone to friends as he earwigs, makes up his own conclusions and then goes on at me about it. I am constantly harangued about my conduct within and out of the house-he tells me what to do and gives his opinion on everything and anything within my life-my MH is suffering a lot and much as I don't value his opinion and can just ignore him, It's the boiling frog thing. I'd be so much happier-and be able to breathe! If he wasn't here.

Omg - get rid of him now! Have a break, then get a new lodger. One of my friends had a series of students from a language school - mostly Japanese or Turkish. They were lovely, spent all day at college and most of the rest of the time with their pals. If there's anything like that near you - why not enquire? The money isn't bad either, but you usually have to provide them with one meal a day.

pippinsleftleg · 13/03/2023 15:35

Get rid and get a job. Setting up on your own will take a while so get a part time job to ride you over and look for another lodger.

fatherfintanstack · 13/03/2023 15:35

I'd start advertising sooner rather than later as you're not in work but you can absorb a month with your savings
Think whether it's worth it for your sanity.

OnMyWayToSenility · 13/03/2023 15:38

I'd get him to leave asap and find a better lodger, also you can put some early boundaries down with the new one and start fresh.

Places are hard to find so I'm sure you'll have your pick.

I'd also let him know you'll write him a glowing reference

Original poster
midlander79 · 13/03/2023 15:44

Thank you so much, I am really anxious at the moment-my stomach is in knots and he just isn't helping. I wont bore people with details but all sorts has gone on with me from work to health to relationship troubles. I've just had enough and having him here in my space is just making things so so much worse. I want to recover and feel I can breathe and he's an utter pain in the ass!
Reading through all the advice now.
I did think I had to give a week's notice but I've just looked on the gov.uk site and it seems It's more like a month if a lodger pays monthly.

I can live off my savings for a bit can't I-obviously I would rather not because the way the world is I might need them. But I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
midlander79 · 13/03/2023 15:46

He even berated me for having a lie-in the other day, I'd just lost my job and was really upset, thing is I probably would have come down earlier if he wasn't here! I just hide in my bedroom sometimes 'cause I can't be bothered with him!

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 13/03/2023 15:53

Why isn't he working, did he have a job when he first moved in?
When I was a lodger I was at work all day and out every night and went away one weekend a month, you need someone like that.

scoobydoo1971 · 13/03/2023 15:53

I agree with the others, in terms of get rid of your lodger. You could replace him when feeling better with a student or worker who is not in, and has a life of their own. Your current lodger sounds like a right drain, and I wouldn't like to share with him. I had a lodger like him many years ago, and I felt so much better when I made him leave. If you have health issues, you may qualify for employment support allowance and/or PIP so worth looking into that. Have you thought about taking a lodger who stays weekdays and leaves at the weekend? That may give you space, and an income.

I do some consulting work for a charity that supports small traders. I would be very careful about getting involved in a start up company or sole tradership in the current economic climate. It is very hard for a lot of self employed people right now, as I deal with them every week. If you don't have assets and savings behind you, then it could be difficult to get off the ground.

OnaBegonia · 13/03/2023 15:55

Why have you allowed this to go on? Have you ever told him to mind his own business or better yet fuck
off?
He's waaay overstepping and will continue to unless you stand up to him.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 13/03/2023 15:58

You're going to need him out to be able to focus on job hunting - your current situation is untenable and no way you can creep around like that, with him destroying your confidence and actually hope to talk to potential employers or prepare interviews!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 13/03/2023 16:04

I have had lodgers. They have nearly all been lovely. When it works it is the easiest way in the world to make that amount of money. But when it DOESN’T work it impinges on your life so much that it’s only worth it if you have no other option, and right now that is not the case as you have enough to tide you over in the gap before you get someone more compatible.
He really does sound like a gigantic PITA. You can’t carry on like this.

saraclara · 13/03/2023 16:10

Seriously, give him notice. You can't be a prisoner in your bedroom like this.

Surely you could get some casual/zero hours work while you're waiting for the job you want? Even if it's cleaning or agency stuff in a restaurant or somewhere, it's got to cover some of the loss of his rent, and be better than living like this.

Stressybetty · 13/03/2023 16:19

If you told him a month ago to find somewhere else then hasn't he already had notice?

Original poster
midlander79 · 13/03/2023 16:21

Another caveat is that I have been without a car since November. I've worked mostly from home and got lifts into work as and when I've needed it but he has offered to take me to appointments and things like that (I haven't taken him up on this). It's just another reason I've thought it is sensible to keep him around. As a safety measure in case I can't get a lift from anybody else for something. I don't want him to think I 'need' him hence my not ever asking him for help with things like this but just in case. My car has a small fault however it has taken so long to diagnose it-and now they've sent away for a part-it should be fixed soon and then this won't be a problem. @OnaBegonia I have! I have told him-it just doesn't seem to make any difference at all. Thank you for the advice-I guess I could kick him out and look for another lodger but yes, the money/car thing...and I do feel I need a bit of my own space to sort my MH out. Just not sure this is the right time given what's happened with work. I have applied for some part time/freelance sorts of jobs to tide me over.

OP posts:
Original poster
midlander79 · 13/03/2023 16:25

@Stressybetty I've given him formal notice before, a long time ago and he hasn't taken any notice of it-as in it just doesn't seem to make a difference to him so this time I just told him this arrangement isn't working and he has to go-.

He looked then seemed to give up and was a bit better with me for a while and then I was made redundant and didn't mention it again (this is all over the space of a few weeks), as I thought it'd be a bad financial decision but I'm feeling very addled and upset today and him just hanging around chuntering on at me while I am talking to people I trust, talking to family, making appointments, looking at jobs is just driving me bloody nuts.

He doesn't even do anything-I think that's what it is. He just sits about. He isn't watching TV. He isn't playing on his phone. He isn't reading-he isn't doing anything house-wise or sorting anything out-he literally just sits there waiting for me to do something interesting, supposedly! I find him so odd, I know, people are different and each to their own but It's just weird!

It'll take me two mins to write a formal notice anyway, I just haven't done it as it seemed pointless and then I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 13/03/2023 16:25

Give him a month's notice today. At least you know he will be going. He sounds awful and definitely needs to be gone.
You will find a much better lodger in time.