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Original poster

Please talk me out of getting rid of my lodger-I can't afford it can I?

187 replies

midlander79 · 13/03/2023 15:15

A month or so ago I told my lodger to start looking elsewhere as our arrangement wasn't working. He did but hasn't found anywhere. He is totally the type to give up and hope I'll sort of forget about it. I was about to write formal notice (although I am not a totally horrible person and will give him more than the statutory seven days) and then I was made redundant.

I have about £3K in savings. I have applied for JSA. Not entitled to UC. Earn about £100 a month from freelance work. I am quite employable and am sure I will find work soon-but I haven't been actively looking because some of the people from my old work are making noises about setting up on our own and I'd much rather do that, but I don't know what is happening with that yet.

I've also some life struggles involving family and other things th.at are really hard to work through-with that and work my head is all over the place.
I really really REALLY want him out. I want my space back.
He drives me insane as he doesn't DO anything! Just hangs about the house all day-only goes out to the supermarket and jobcentre a couple of times per week. He's incredibly nosy about everything I do, interjects on conversations I have with visitors or on the phone, and constantly nitpicks at me for any slight misdemeanor.
I probably sound unhinged-I've wanted him out for a long time but talked myself out of it due to feeling it isn't fair on him and other reasons (cost of living/bills etc)... it'd be financially idiotic to get rid of him now, now I have no income, wouldn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
midlander79 · 02/05/2023 19:31

I'll respond properly later but I did call the police and as I thought, they said it is civil and they'll not be able to get involved.

OP posts:
Original poster
midlander79 · 02/05/2023 20:32

I don't like confrontation you're right, but I don't actually see what I can do. I did ring my neighbour today (locksmith) twice but I couldn't get hold of him. As he knows why I want the locks changed and has expressed he isn't keen on getting involved with it, (and I suspect) he could possibly be avoiding me. Lodger very seldom goes out as I've mentioned. He is out of the house once a week for up to an hour at the most so it isn't going to be easy to find a locksmith who can just come out within that time frame and change the locks-I have thought about this, especially when he doesn't go out at set times?

I used to work for the police and for this reason was quite certain they'd not get involved with something like this but as everyone here is saying 'ring the police' I thought perhaps I'd got it wrong.

I hadn't. They can't get involved, it is a civil matter not for law enforcement.

The only thing they'd do is attend if some altercation or such occurred as a result of the matter but they specified on the phone that if this happened they would just deal with said altercation. They cannot and would not remove him off the premises-it isn't their job.

I have again asked him when he's going (via message as he's hardly been out of his room) but not got a response. I am not too worried he'll turn nasty-but it is possible.
Thank you again for the responses.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 02/05/2023 20:35

Call the citizens advice and see what they suggest . The only thing I can think of is to attach a couple of sliding bolts to the door so that when he goes out you lock the bolts across and then he’s out and it will give you time to find a locksmith .

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 02/05/2023 20:37

What kind of locks do you have? Barrel locks are extremely easy to buy and fit yourself. Buy the barrels, have them ready for when he leaves and do it there and then.

ConstanceContraire · 02/05/2023 22:37

midlander79 · 02/05/2023 20:32

I don't like confrontation you're right, but I don't actually see what I can do. I did ring my neighbour today (locksmith) twice but I couldn't get hold of him. As he knows why I want the locks changed and has expressed he isn't keen on getting involved with it, (and I suspect) he could possibly be avoiding me. Lodger very seldom goes out as I've mentioned. He is out of the house once a week for up to an hour at the most so it isn't going to be easy to find a locksmith who can just come out within that time frame and change the locks-I have thought about this, especially when he doesn't go out at set times?

I used to work for the police and for this reason was quite certain they'd not get involved with something like this but as everyone here is saying 'ring the police' I thought perhaps I'd got it wrong.

I hadn't. They can't get involved, it is a civil matter not for law enforcement.

The only thing they'd do is attend if some altercation or such occurred as a result of the matter but they specified on the phone that if this happened they would just deal with said altercation. They cannot and would not remove him off the premises-it isn't their job.

I have again asked him when he's going (via message as he's hardly been out of his room) but not got a response. I am not too worried he'll turn nasty-but it is possible.
Thank you again for the responses.

But it's not just getting him out of your house, is it? It's him harassing, bullying and intimidating you.
Maybe ring Women's Aid (or one of the many other domestic abuse helplines)?

maryberryslayers · 02/05/2023 23:42

Buy a couple of heavy duty bolts that you can quickly install yourself once he's out. That will at least give you extra time to get the locks changed.
If he tries anything you can then call the police.

justgettingthroughtheday · 02/05/2023 23:46

midlander79 · 02/05/2023 19:31

I'll respond properly later but I did call the police and as I thought, they said it is civil and they'll not be able to get involved.

This is utter rubbish! The police absolutely can and will intervene. Don't be fobbed off by them.
They can and will remove him from the house.

tattygrl · 03/05/2023 11:24

This just doesn't make any sense. The police won't help you remove someone from your house who is refusing to leave? You need to persist in this. This man isn't going anywhere voluntarily.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/05/2023 12:27

Can you hire a security firm with a couple of big blokes to usher him right out??

WilkinsonM · 03/05/2023 12:41

He lives at the house: he's not a visitor. Police won't evict somebody who is refusing to move out. If he won't go willingly you need to either lock him out or go to court to evict him. As a lodger he has less rights than a tenant so you could lock him out and hope for the best but he could take you to court theoretically (even though you have given him notice)

planningnightmare · 03/05/2023 16:25

it's very difficult understand your mindset.

why do you put your fate into one locksmith that happens to live next to you? why don't you call all the emergency locksmiths in your area once your lodger is out? what stops you?

why aren't you asking a whole group of friends and family to help you to get rid of this awful man?

Do you feel you are not allowed to kick him out, or are you scared? or do you feel you owe him something? I'm genuinely baffled by your passive non-approach.

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 04/05/2023 12:00

Contact another locksmith, get them to change the locks whether your lodger is in or out. Next time they go out, they will not be able to get back in.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 04/05/2023 14:51

Look up how to change the lock barrels yourself. It might be fairly easy for you to do yourself when he's next out.

LoobyLobbyLou · 09/05/2023 07:32

How’s it going OP? Is he out now?

Floralnomad · 20/05/2023 18:10

Have you managed to get him out now @midlander79 ?

tattygrl · 22/05/2023 10:53

Another one wondering how you're doing, OP!

Original poster
midlander79 · 27/06/2023 17:41

Hi all, I apologise for not coming back to the thread until now. It took me a long time to get him out. It wasn't pleasant but he's been gone a few weeks now. I am the sort of person who writes a lot (I would love to actually write for a living but I got landed with writing lessons as a tutor instead-I am not a great writer!) and I decided to do a write-up about how it was living with him. Some of my friends have asked-it ended up rather long.

And It's outing, and will probably have people recognising me from several threads under different usernames so I'd rather not post it here, however I am happy to send it to people via PM, if anyone would like to read it.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 27/06/2023 17:52

Thank the heavens !!!!!!!!!!! . How did you actually get rid of him in the end ?

fatherfintanstack · 27/06/2023 17:54

Well done. Must be a load off. I hope he is leaving you in peace

Original poster
midlander79 · 27/06/2023 17:57

It was hard! He protested a lot-argued with me, got others involved...he refused to look elsewhere, made a lot of excuses-was just an utter pain. I honestly didn't realise just how much he was affecting my health.
It's amazing having my house back to myself. I am finding myself just sitting 'being in the moment' a lot just because I can!

He is leaving me in peace to a greater extent than I thought. He's not moved far away but he's far enough.

OP posts:
HotWithNoRain · 27/06/2023 18:03

That's good news OP. You must be so relieved.

Icepinkeskimo · 27/06/2023 18:18

Peace and quiet is precious, you don’t realise it but it truly is.
I would love to know the full story of how you finally got to the end goal. You must have so much patience I think I would have gone crazy.
Well done op, enjoy your long overdue “me” time.

nettie434 · 27/06/2023 19:21

That's really good news. You must be so relieved and well done on sticking to your guns.

Original poster
midlander79 · 27/06/2023 21:24

I am relieved, truly!
I got used to it straight away. He did not belong here at all.

As I've said I've been made redundant. I used to work from home fulltime on nights, and it wasn't so bad then, as I wouldn't see as much of him. By the time I'd got up, walked the dog, showered, done errands had something to eat it was late and he'd go up to his room not long after. When I got my last job, working from home but days, he was in my face all the time and after my redundancy his constant nitpicking was just getting worse and worse.

I am worried about £, I am a single person (I have someone as mentioned but not living together) and I've now got some freelance work, but not enough. Not really sure what to do there, keep looking for fulltime or almost fulltime work I suppose! But regarding him, I think I'd rather live off baked beans for the rest of my life than live with him again!
I think I've replied to everyone's PMs

OP posts:
Catsmere · 28/06/2023 08:39

So glad he's gone, OP!

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