Please talk me out of getting rid of my lodger-I can't afford it can I?

[midlander79]

A month or so ago I told my lodger to start looking elsewhere as our arrangement wasn't working. He did but hasn't found anywhere. He is totally the type to give up and hope I'll sort of forget about it. I was about to write formal notice (although I am not a totally horrible person and will give him more than the statutory seven days) and then I was made redundant.

I have about £3K in savings. I have applied for JSA. Not entitled to UC. Earn about £100 a month from freelance work. I am quite employable and am sure I will find work soon-but I haven't been actively looking because some of the people from my old work are making noises about setting up on our own and I'd much rather do that, but I don't know what is happening with that yet.

I've also some life struggles involving family and other things th.at are really hard to work through-with that and work my head is all over the place.
I really really REALLY want him out. I want my space back.
He drives me insane as he doesn't DO anything! Just hangs about the house all day-only goes out to the supermarket and jobcentre a couple of times per week. He's incredibly nosy about everything I do, interjects on conversations I have with visitors or on the phone, and constantly nitpicks at me for any slight misdemeanor.
I probably sound unhinged-I've wanted him out for a long time but talked myself out of it due to feeling it isn't fair on him and other reasons (cost of living/bills etc)... it'd be financially idiotic to get rid of him now, now I have no income, wouldn't it?

He berated you for staying in bed and the lazy twat hasn’t even got a job and lounges around all day!... Your mistake was getting an unemployed lodger. Get rid now, and breathe!

Grit your teeth and get through what? You seriously think he's going anywhere in June of his own volition? Gritting your teeth and getting through it is going to mean gritting your teeth for the rest of your life at this rate.

Give him 48 hours and call the police if he's not out. You've given him more than enough notice, and he's chosen not to take any action. He isn't your problem. Get him out! Omg I don't know how you can stand him being in your home.

Tell him he has to be out by Friday , he can stay in a premier inn or some such until June , if you let him stay the date will just keep moving .

From gov:

If you have an excluded tenancy or licence (for example you live with your landlord), your landlord does not have to go to court to evict you.
Your landlord only needs to give you ‘reasonable notice’ to quit. The notice does not have to be in writing.
There are no set rules about what’s reasonable. It depends on:

• how long you’ve been living there
• how often you pay the rent
• whether you get on with your landlord
• how quickly the landlord needs another person to move in

They can then change the locks on your rooms, even if you’ve left your belongings there. However, they must give your belongings back to you. If you do not think you’ve been given enough warning to leave, contact your local council for advice. Your council can take action if your landlord has evicted you illegally. Shelter has more information about eviction of excluded occupiers.

Him not taking you seriously is not your problem
Stick to the arrangement you gave him and book a locksmith, get your friends round on the day if you have to
He is not in charge you are

Change the locks!

It's over a month since you gave him notice. He won't go in June- he thinks he's on a winner and you won't have the guts to kick him out.
Give him until the weekend- and then change the locks. If he's left his stuff, bag it up and leave it outside.
He can sofa surf or go home to his mum's- he's just taking the piss now.

Seriously this is your home- you shouldn't have this idle layabout making you feel miserable!

I have no advice but this situation sounds horrible and I really hope you get him out sooner rather than later! Maybe have somebody else around too in case he becomes difficult? It might be good to have some witness/support xx

Thanks all. I hadn't thought that he may not even go by then-and It's only a provisional acceptance. Another thing he said is that he started doing more things around the house to see if that made me think I wanted him to stay! He didn't mention this to me and I haven't noticed anything he's done at all.
He only has a brother and sister in law, no other family.
I told my Mum what things have been like and she has been helping. I was away last weekend and he wasn't happy that I wasn't here as he had a form to fill in for one place he's applied for and he wanted me to do it for him as he couldn't figure it out!
I am going to do what a pp has said and say by Friday at the latest.

He followed me outside while I was putting oil in my car today (I have it back!) and just stood staring at me doing it. I couldn't open the bottle so came inside for a knife and he asked me 'can't you open it' I responded 'Why are you standing there staring?'
He didn't say anything else. That's the kind of thing I find invasive and irritating. Just leave me alone and do your own thing ffs.

I shall look out for the update on Friday that he is GONE.

He sounds seriously creepy- not just annoying!
Is there someone who can come over and stay when it's time for him to leave- a bit of backup and support?

I've gone through your posts with my jaw on the floor at how you've let this man treat you! You need to grow a backbone. In the meantime tell him he has to leave by the weekend. Where he goes is not your problem.

I have to ask why people don’t just communicate.

” lodger but I want you to feel at home but let’s set boundaries.

1. my personal life us my own business, please don’t pry
2. life is easier when we stay positive and friendly. Does it really matter who put the remote in the kitchen? Let’s not nit pik the small things
3. I need some me time to recharge. All said with a smile on your face and a glint in your eye. Anyway, it’s beyond that now- get some temp work, or try to find more freelance work. Apply for JSA and put his stuff out the door.

This man is not going to leave unless you spell it out for him. You need to tell him to be gone by Friday, and what the consequences of not leaving will be. Then be ready to do it.

I'd strongly advise you be very careful the next few days, as his behaviour sounds like it's escalating.

Agree, give him till the end of the week and have someone with you on the day to hang around for moral support. It's your house, he doesn't get to decide who lives there!

WTAF am I reading? OP you need to change the locks, he can come back and collect his stuff later. I am fuming on your behalf but you really need to just stop all this and tell him to go. Why are you putting up with this? You owe this man nothing, he is taking the absolute piss and you are letting him. Screw your courage to the sticking place and boot him out.

Jeez OP he's stalking you in your own home! Don't give him until Friday! Why would you?! You've given him months since you first asked him to leave. He's not going anywhere voluntarily.

Worse than that, he's trying to stake some sort of claim to your house, that's what all the anger about the painting and his supposed DIY/"help" round the house is about. He has no claim to your house but he's of a generation that probably thinks "common-law husband/wife" was ever a legal thing and thinks he does/would be entitled to half like if you got divorced, or he at least wants you to believe that.

Hardware store will be open until 8pm ish, go purchase bolts one for back door one for front door and fit them. Insist he takes bins out or something, bolt doors behind him, don't let him back in no matter what. Call police if he kicks off. His tenancy has ended. Don't let him back in to collect possessions, bag/box them up and leave outside. Don't open door if he's out there in case he tries to get in, drop them out a window.

I'd be careful telling him he has until Friday. As it said on government website you must give sufficient notice of at least 7 days. You've given him a month. I'm not a lawyer but you don't want to risk giving him a new notice that risks superceding the other and he can go to court saying you only have him 2 days. You need to tell him his notice has expired and you're evicting him. Change locks when he goes out.

I dont have anyone who can come and stay unfortunately. I am definitely going to tell him I want him out by Friday. I was hoping my girlfriend could be here this weekend but she can't as has a two-day work event.

Aside from the oil incident, he hasn't said anything to me today. I've had (online) clients and not been in the same room as him.

I think I know why I've let it get to this @WilkinsonM Honestly, I just didn't let it get to me for a long time. (I suppose like most humans) things dont bother me so much when I am happy and when life began to get harder I just realised how much worse he was making things, how stifling his behaviour was and how I needed to do some self care and be at home more and he just made things so much much worse.

@Whochangedmynamec probably not enough admittedly but I honestly have done that. I've told him how to behave, I have nipped a lot of his behaviour that were just TOO far in the bud, I have lost my temper with him (and it's very rare I do that, I am a very mild mannered woman generally) more than once and, as mentioned above, I enlisted gfs' help once because I just couldn't face doing it.

Also your point 2 is SO him! Honestly It's as if you know him! Any slight little thing that I do 'wrong' and It's a major drama and I get essays about what I should do and what I need to do and honestly I just want to lose my cool and just tell him to fuck right off! I feel odd even typing that as it is SO not the sort of thing I'd ever say to anybody really.
Another thing as to why I dont argue back with him a lot, or get more nasty is he LIKES it when I do that. I know he does. It's never to my face, always over text and I think much in the way like a toddler, he likes any attention he gets from me, negative included. So I tend to ignore any nasty nitpicky things he says now.

@LuluTaylor that is frightening to think that he might be doing that with claiming rights to my home. I mean who DOES that? I thought he was insisting on painting (and I had some really nasty messages from him regarding it) because then he'd feel I owed him favours somehow.

I've secured some work (just two days but good money), that starts in a couple of weeks, and some more freelance work which is what I was doing today, so things are looking up for me 😊 and I've managed to get some redundancy money from the government, so for now, I am not too worried and just trying to enjoy the bit of time off I have left before the new two days job starts. Looking for a job to do the other two days of the week. Trying to ignore him. He is acting fairly meek around me compared to usual-with the oil topping-up incident he didn't say anything to me, normally he'd have argued.

Call the police . Change the locks. empty his room and throw hm out.

He sounds deranged. Hope he goes soon

I think you are right to put your mental health first. You might need to change the locks but the cost of changing the locks is nothing compared to the cost of living with a lodger who undermines you and interferes in your life so much.

This is why I would never have a male lodger again. Had two lovely ones then a third who just went very very weird and scared me.

Definitely change the locks. No maybe about it. He's so entitled he'll definitely be coming back in otherwise, with a key he's had cut that OP doesn't know about. He's already acting like he rules the place.

OP, I realize you've tried, but you haven't nipped his behaviour in the bud - he's never stopped and is still doing it! When he didn't respond to your attempts to get him to behave as he should and you got the impression he's goading you deliberately, that was the time to end the lodger agreement. Putting up with it has allowed him to slowly undermine your self-esteem and confidence until you're confused about what's right and what to do. You should have changed the locks on him the first time you gave him notice to leave and he didn't go when it was up. He has slowly trained you, by wearing you down, to give in to whatever he wants including putting up with his shitty behaviour. When someone tramples over your boundaries, don't think "ah it's fine, I'll ignore it" because they'll just go trampling over even more. Congratulations on getting new jobs too 🙂.

Tell him you’re changing the locks on Friday. If he tries to flirts his way in after this you will be involving police.