Mumsnet in the event of a public emergency (LIGHTHEARTED!)

[Username721]

This is not aimed at undermining any real issues people face. It’s just a bit of fun!

Just read a thread on whether we’d get a warning if there was a nuclear bomb and a few people had commented that Mumsnet would go crazy. It definitely would.

So, in the event of nuclear war, a zombie apocalypse or other emergency that will (probably) never happen, what would we see on here?

“DSS attitude causing an atmosphere, AIBU to ask him to leave the shelter?”

”Government emergency broadcast message is misogynistic.”

”DH out scavenging with another woman, should I be worried?”

”Next door neighbour partially blocked my driveway with husband’s body. Should I confront them? PHOTO INCLUDED”

What else would we see?

Don’t understand why people still use Rightmove. The ‘RightBunk’ is much better option, and you can filter to show only bunkers which Waitrose delivers, and bunkers with annex’s for your MIL or butler.

Even in an underground bunker after a nuclear explosion some mumsneters' biggest fear would be uninvited visitors dropping in for a cup of tea.

Bloody good excuse not to open the door, if you ask me.

DH got me a dead rat for my birthday, very nice BUT, it's the same thing he got MIL!
Not even a different colour! Does he want us to match or just lack imagination?

AIBU to ETB? (Eat The Bastard)

I’m about to hang some washing outside my bunker. Will it be ok if I leave it out there to get darked on til the morning or should I be more worried about radiation turning it green?

One unexpected bonus of the whole thing is that the penis beaker now glows in the dark, which adds a certain glow to, ahem, proceedings…

AIBU to expect zombie shuffling noises to stop between 8pm and 8am? I have young children and this is really playing havoc with their sleep schedule. Have contacted local council but they haven’t replied. Why do I even pay council tax?

Bring it in before the mutant radioactive spiders rub their multiple willies on it

My builders haven't turned up again, honestly they are so unreliable. I received a message saying that several were vaporised and the rest are trying to rebuild their own bunker. So selfish. AIBU to sack them?

Anyone got any tips for hair loss? Mine is coming out in handfuls at the moment, I must have started the menopause.

OMG, check out these ridiculous shoes my next-bunk-neighbour’s made out of her own fingerbones. Facebook tat thread anyone?

Also, this same neighbour is trying to get me to sign up to sell radioactive puddle water with her. She says it prevents zombie attacks and it’s wayyyyy more effective on radiation sickness than potassium iodide. Is that true or is this a MLM?

I'm really struggling with sound of DH eating so loudly. He also eats really quickly and chews with his mouth open and I think it's setting a bad example of table manners for the DC. Honestly he's so loud though I end up wanting to eat in another bunker. Do you think I may have misophonia?

<Hundreds of posts agreeing and suggesting noise reducing headphones etc before OP throws in the massive drip feed that her DH is actually a zombie and can't stop himself chomping so loudly on his small snack of someone's arm>

I always said I would not go to a nuclear shelter without my dog, but ours went missing in the immediate aftermath of the explosion. Now I have found his collar tag while washing up the communal stewpot in our bunker. AIBU to fear the worst? My former NDN cooked the stew and I did wonder how she managed to find so much meat, but she assured me it was roadkill.

Do you think we should be kinder to zombies? After all, it's not really their fault. I often have a little cry, after beating their brains in with a cricket bat.

How often do you deep clean your bunker? Anything less than hourly is disgusting in my opinion.

I'd love to be able to clean it hourly but am too busy fending off the flesh eaters.

Could you get a cleaner, even if only once an apocalypse?

I received an invite to a bunker wedding containing a poem asking for money. It’s from a close relative who I love dearly. Obviously we won’t be going. AIBU to think that they may have been bitten by the infected because who in their right mind would be so entitled and tasteless?

“A penis beaker is now law for any couple having sex due to water shortage in the bunker. AIBU for DH to wipe instead?”

After four months of 24/7 intermittent emergency broadcast announcements, AIBU to hack into the neighbouring bunkers' server?. I know they have old episodes of 'Columbo' digitally stored on there, but DH insists we risk getting caught, and having to hand over three cans of tinned peaches to appease them. WWYD? Disclaimer...I can't stand tinned peaches.

Thank you OP, you've improved a grim morning for me. I've never previously been cheered up by the prospect of apocalypse😅

Artistically gifted DD has painted a mural featuring the nearest (to us) mushroom cloud over flattened wasteland on the wall of the living quarters in our public bunker.

Whispered rumours are now being spread that the beautiful image is to be painted over, because a minority of dwellers deem the picture to be in poor taste.

Should I defend DD and speak up against this decision?. Many people appreciate the artistic and historical representation of the event, and would like to see it left intact.

Vote Y YANBU
Vote N YABU

Thankyou.

How did I miss this thread 😂. Given me some right good laughs just when I needed them .

Love this so funny 😆

Does your air raid shelter have a safeguarding lead?

DH is snoring like an old Billy goat from his three noses and two mouths and it’s really pissing me off. Should I bury him him under the bunker?

@Fckingfuming you jest but in my doctor's waiting room there is a large photo poster of a few fishermen in a boat gazing into the distance where a huge, dark ominous mushroom cloud has appeared in the sky. I mentioned it to the receptionist who had no idea what it is. She thinks it's lovely. I think it's a print from the 1950s nuclear testing in the Pacific. Which, frankly, is a bit much when it comes to decor.

Struggling for names for baby due any day now.

What do you all think of Zachariah? "Zedfor" for short?