Mumsnet in the event of a public emergency (LIGHTHEARTED!)

[Username721]

This is not aimed at undermining any real issues people face. It’s just a bit of fun!

Just read a thread on whether we’d get a warning if there was a nuclear bomb and a few people had commented that Mumsnet would go crazy. It definitely would.

So, in the event of nuclear war, a zombie apocalypse or other emergency that will (probably) never happen, what would we see on here?

“DSS attitude causing an atmosphere, AIBU to ask him to leave the shelter?”

”Government emergency broadcast message is misogynistic.”

”DH out scavenging with another woman, should I be worried?”

”Next door neighbour partially blocked my driveway with husband’s body. Should I confront them? PHOTO INCLUDED”

What else would we see?

A tiny elderly Korean lady is in our bunker - WWYD?

For a moment there I actually thought you were serious😱😳😂🤣

I send all day taking care of the 4 DC, assorted animals and keeping the bunker clean as well as caring for MIL who has not been able to walk since The Bomb. I've left a dead rat on the floor for a week now just to see how long it will take for my DH to notice it and move it. Isn't it hilarious that he just doesn't seem to see mess! What amusing things is your DH unable to do around the house?
(Lighthearted- he's a great dad and, other than him spending all day on his outing hobby whilst I do all the work he does his fair share)

I know the government say that this zombie apocalypse has nothing to do with brexit - do we believe them?

my ‘d’H keeps making these awful chewing sounds - could he be a zombie?

and probably from another forum (coz I think MN were by and large sensible) ‘I’ve done my research and you don’t need to shelter from the toxic fall out, it’s all a government conspiracy and we can cure it with tumeric’

How do MNers afford to send their kids to private bunkers and is it worth it?

Simply paint a Michelangelo on the bunker ceiling and you can all scream at that.

Is it acceptable to wear pyjamas all day long in the bunker?

I laughed so hard at this thread that I woke the zombies.

AIBU to think an apocalypse is NOT a good enough reason for schools to close?!!!

School are so quick to close these days for the tiniest little reason. I think it's just that all teachers are lazy and these reports of radiation sickness are just a load of rubbish. Honestly! Back in WW2 when bombs were falling there was blitz spirit and everyone carried on, but in today's society we can't cope with just one single bomb. Do teachers have ANY IDEA how hard it is to get my kids engaged with home bunker learning?

I spat my anti-radiation drink out!

We'd definitely have a man coming on to tell us to stop being hysterical and yes he would call a man hysterical. Or someone informing us that the worst thing about misogyny was women talking about it.

"There are no tomatoes in the shops AGAIN".

"DS has gone green and smells a bit iffy. WIBU to send him to BunkerSchool anyway?"

Haha this one had me giggling away 🤣🤣🤣

I've sneaked a look at DH's phone but there's no messages. He says that proves there's nothing going on in the dark with that busty blonde in our bunker. He's just helping her with her asthma.

Why have I had no offers on this bunker? Should I redecorate?

The government want to lock us down again but I'm not falling for the conspiracy theories. It's just a mild zombie virus, I've been a zombie so many times before and never had to quarantine. And don't get me started on the gas mask, I am not wearing it, no one will take away my freedom!

The other mums in the bunker are very cleeky.

PIL offers for us to shelter in their enormous (well stocked) bunker, as due to working our way out of credit card debt we only had a cardboard box under the stairs and a packet of wotsits. I know we should be grateful, but PIL only serve teeny tiny portions, I mean, literally one meal, replacement bar, and a sip of water! For grown adults! I’ve checked and they have literally weeks worth in the cupboard. AIBU to not engage with their judgment on my weight food issues, and just help myself?

For offers on your bunker a stunt pineapple is necessary
. No pineapple?
Toxic bogies and some twigs and a rock will do..

DM didn't pick me up from an activity in 1997 and I'm traumatised because I had to walk half a mile at 5pm. She has a better bunker that ours and DH thinks we ought to to hers . Where can I get therapy to help me cope with the fall out?

Is it true that Russell group bunkers offer superior protection, or is that just snobbery ?

Can kids attending an overcrowded violent bunker in Bolton ever get into pacifist academic bunkers in Oxbridge?

Our bunker is located ideally for zombie spotting and sniping but we would really like a holiday bunker nearer to the green sea. Would you remortgage or should be buy the holiday bunker outright with DH's savings?

How long do zombie thighs take to do in an air fryer?

I'm batch cooking zombies today. Do I leave their nails and teeth in situ and are they a good source of calcium?

I agree. The teachers are just lazy and selfish. My DCs school was destroyed by the blast but my DH works in the building trade and he says if all the teachers went in to the blast zone for a weekend they'd easily have it rebuilt. It's driving him mad cos the DC are making so much noise he can't concentrate on his new hobby.