Mumsnet in the event of a public emergency (LIGHTHEARTED!)

[Username721]

This is not aimed at undermining any real issues people face. It’s just a bit of fun!

Just read a thread on whether we’d get a warning if there was a nuclear bomb and a few people had commented that Mumsnet would go crazy. It definitely would.

So, in the event of nuclear war, a zombie apocalypse or other emergency that will (probably) never happen, what would we see on here?

“DSS attitude causing an atmosphere, AIBU to ask him to leave the shelter?”

”Government emergency broadcast message is misogynistic.”

”DH out scavenging with another woman, should I be worried?”

”Next door neighbour partially blocked my driveway with husband’s body. Should I confront them? PHOTO INCLUDED”

What else would we see?

DSD put her rotting feet on my sofa.
Her Dad says I can't pull her feet off.

Next door is smoking weed.

It's masking the smell of rotting bodies. I can't stand it!

This sounds familiar. Have you already had a thread about the same apocalypse OP?

We found a corner shop, which hadn't been completely looted. I got a box of a dozen eggs! We've eaten them now, but the sell by date was last June.

Are we going to die?

Does the radioactive warning sticker have to come in yellow and black? Those colours clash so much, surely a nice teal and navy combo would be just as effective.

(All those ooooo-Mumsnet-is-so- toxic-now wankers should be directed to this thread).

AIBU to go foraging in skinny jeans if it’s at night and no one will see?

AIBU it’s PFB party next weekend and no one has rsvp’d since the nuclear blast! Should I visit all their bunkers to remind them or just eat their cake?

Recommendations for sunglasses that suit brunette women with three eyes please?

Declutter my bunker 1 item a day

My colleagues are so two faced.

Oh.

....

DF thinks his nextdoor neighbour is a vampire and has started putting garlic everywhere! Has anyone heard reports of vampires in Leeds or is it just zombies there?

Are my symptoms the menopause or radiation poisoning?

'My dad wants to spend over 3 hours on the tin cans talking to me every day after his morning tinned pineapple and its eating into our scavenging time, my family is going hungry. When I try to get off the phone he gets aggressive and says he'll be lonely despite the fact he's bunkered with my younger brother and his family. He has a history of controlling and manipulative behaviour, for example he shut his brother out of the bunker because his brother tried to tell him the dog took priority over his 70s porno mags'

'I would do anything to speak to my dad again, he died in 2010'
'He's obviously struggling with his MH OP, have a heart'
'If you live long enough to get to his age you'll wish you could spend 3 hours talking to your kids'

All of these are brilliant! Keep them coming!

btw I was going to have a massive salad for dinner but it’s radioactive, will I be ok to eat it? as not to drip feed the use by date was yesterday and I’m more worried about that date than toxic poisoning, I do have avocado and nuts and seeds left to eat if I can’t eat this salad but I was going to have them for breakfast with my gluten free, fat free Greek yogurt! Help!

What's the black market rate for a box of useful bits of string?

I dated a zombie for a year - AMA

I sent my DH to pick up a real Christmas tree and all the needles have fallen off! He claimed they all looked the same. Should I LTB and buy a Balsam Hill?

What's the black market rate for a box of useful bits of string?

I grew up with stories of London in WW2 from my mother who was a teenager at the time.

I've often wondered about what MN would have been like in the Blitz and beyond.

I'm sure that threads about rationing, the black-market and neighbours not putting all their lights out would have abounded.

I'm NC with my entire family as they're so toxic. Literally.

Drops mic, you win, genius 😂

That Jack woman said if I rubbed me tin of tuna on some concrete it would open.

It's been 3 years now. I'd like something to go with me dandelions.

AIBU I asked a fellow bunkee to budge up so I could chat to my bestie but she refused. Is she a… Londoner?

AIBU we’ve had a lovely stay in an Airbnb but unfortunately on the last night there was a nuclear fallout. Should I get a refund for just one night or the entire holiday?

😂genuinely crying with laughter here.

Tears are acidic hun, so best put some sudocrem on

" I am very sensitive and have sensory issues, so please stop screaming for help."