Why aren't people supportive of a child wanting to join the military?

[321gogogo]

Just off the back of another post.

My youngest (14) is very clear about his career path. He wants to join the Navy and train to become an engineer.

We are fully supportive of this, as we are of his brother who is looking at law or IT.

I was surprised to read of so many people saying they wouldn't support their child if they wished to join the military and I was wondering why the negativity.

I would support my child, but would obviously be worried and have concerns. They can't just quit if they decide they no longer enjoy it and of course there is the possibility of being sent into combat.
I know of people that it has been the making of though, and it can be an excellent way of training in their chosen path.

I am the partner of a man in the military.

I met him when my children were grown up.

It's not a life I'd want for my children or their families.

Because they’d rather their child didn’t choose a career where getting shot at/places in highly dangerous situations is expected.

Because they’d rather their child didn’t choose a career where they’re expected to either directly kill other people or be complicit in the killing of other people.

Look up the statistics of ex service personnel who suffer from complex PTSD. It’s very sobering.

It can be a difficult career to combine with a family (lots of time apart etc). Most people like the idea of their child having a partner and kids, so that's a downside of this career.

Are you joking?

Why wouldn't someone be supportive of their child entering a profession that could get them killed?
Or where they may have to kill other people at the behest of a stupid government that often has neo imperialist foreign policies.

Military is government sanctioned prostitution. I would never encourage or support my children selling their bodies to the government as cannon fodder.

14 isn't too late to steer them towards something else. If they enjoy team work, working collaboratively with others or just following orders and being outdoors or doing something technical there are dozens of career paths that don't have the same ethical issues as the navy.

It was the making of my brother, and my dad before him.

If my DC want to join I'll be very supportive but given there is a war in Europe and instability world wide I'd really rather they didn't get the idea in the first place... I certainly wouldn't want them seeing it as a way to avoid tuition fees etc, it's very much a lifestyle and a chosen path. My brother left in 2012 but up until a couple of years would have been conscripted as priority, if needed. He also had to wait for a particular time frame and get permission to quit, it's not just giving your 4 weeks notice.

1. They’re tied in for a number of years.
2. Potentially dangerous.
3. Long periods away from home at quite a young age, in organisations that have had a lot of media attention recently around bullying/ lad culture/ lack of MH support.
4. Could end up fighting ‘for their country’ for something they don’t personally believe in, or even object to.
5. MH issues/ difficultly gaining employment for service leavers.
6. Long periods away from home affecting future quality of life with their own families.

I would always support DC, but I wouldn’t encourage this career path.

Some people is ignorance... having little idea of what they actually do
Some people its fear... although there are plenty of other risky jobs
Other people its from bad experiences

DH is in the Army. He would discourage our eldest and encourage our youngest due to their different personalities. The eldest is more likely to grow an extra head than want to join up though!

Gosh I wonder why people don’t want their children sending to war zone to be shot at and potentially killed. Particularly now the world is ever more unstable.

It’s a real head scratcher.

Apart from the risk of violent death or life changing injury while they are serving, there's also the increase in domestic violence, suggesting it does a number on mental health:

From: www.kcl.ac.uk/news/more-than-1-in-10-armed-forces-personnel-have-experienced-intimate-partner-violence-and-abuse

New research from the King’s Centre for Military Health Research (KCMHR) at King’s College London has found that Armed Forces personnel are significantly more likely to both experience and perpetrate intimate partner violence and abuse (IPVA) than the wider civilian population.

The research, published today in Lancet Regional Health – Europe, is the first of its kind looking into IPVA in UK Armed Forces personnel, and found that both men and women with military experience were over three times more likely to report IPVA perpetration and almost three times more likely to report IPVA experience than those in the civilian population. The researchers say this reinforces the need for a specialised Domestic Abuse Strategy that takes into account the military specific drivers of IPVA.

The outcomes also aren't good once they leave:

From www.stoll.org.uk/nhv-news-post/homelessness-is-rising-at-a-startling-rate-but-solutions-are-available/

There is a variety of reasons why former soldiers and other military personnel can be vulnerable to homelessness. Some find that a,fter leaving the structure and focus of military life, where many day-to-day duties are taken care of, they are not well equipped for the complete autonomy of Civvy Street. As veteran Alan Marshall, who served in the Army for eight years, puts it:

During my time in the Armed Forces I didn’t learn many of the skills that are inherent to civilian life – things like managing a tenancy and organising rent and council tax payments. It was actually a massive shock when I left the Army to have all of these responsibilities that I wasn’t prepared for.

Combine this abrupt change in lifestyle with other potential issues faced by veterans – including finding work, relationship breakdowns and health issues such as addiction or PTSD – and it’s not hard to see why some ex-soldiers have difficulty maintaining a secure and stable home.

I had a grandfather in the navy and an uncle and cousin on the other side in the army, and would not advise it. All of them quite damaged by the experience.

Risk of untimely death, physical health issues, mental health issues, bullying, racism, attitudes that glamorise war/violence, old fashioned imperialist sentiments, having to swear allegiance to the King/the government, nuclear weapons… I’m sure I could think of more issues I have with the military if I thought about it.

I don’t deny that it can be good for some people but I worked in and around the fitness industry for a long time and met a lot of seriously fucked up ex-squaddies working as gym instructors/PTs/maintenance guys (seems to be a common post-forces industry).

A friend has mh issues meaning he is now currently unable to work and struggling to get disability benefits after being sent into combat in his youth.

It’s not an easy lifestyle. Yes there are many perks. But moving around a lot, potentially being in war zones is very difficult.

And if they aren't injured or killed, they could still be left with mental health issues. It's not a career I would encourage for my son.

All of these are valid concerns but I’m wondering if it’s less so for the navy than the army and even less again in the RAF? Or the same for all three?

Risk of death.
I discourage it also.

Because they might have to put their life on the line for a sizeable portion of the U.K. who are ungrateful whinging sods like some of the posters on this thread.

Being an engineer in the navy sounds like a great career choice. It is much less likely to cause the issues many are citing above.

My husband has a good career as an engineer in the power industry because he did an undergraduate masters in engineering. But, many of his colleagues were engineers in the military.

Because of the high numbers of relationship issues, drink and drug problems, lack of help once they leave, going to war, mental health issues

No not all of course

@Zuffe I'm not being whiny or ungrateful.

I absolutely realise what my partner does in the line of duty and I'm incredibly proud of him.

But it still isn't a life I'd want for my son's family. I wouldn't want it for my grandchildren or my daughter-in-law. It's hard and I don't think it is fair on children.

Interestingly... apparently when taking into account factors like mental health, injuries at work etc the most dangerous job in the UK is...

Paramedic.

Never seen any threads on discouraging that career path!

errr . . . . . danger of death . . . . PTSD . . . . being institutionalised . . . not being able to fit back into civvy life . . . addiction/homelessness/suicide.

MY DH used to be in the military. If any of my DC wanted to join I would obviously support them, as I would with any career they picked. However I'd make sure they knew what our reality was like when DH was in.

The impact on the spouse and children at home can be huge. The job felt all consuming - he was often called into work at the very last minute, away for weeks/months at a time (not just deployments but training exercises) which made planning anything really tricky. Then there is the risk that comes with being in war zones and the potential mental health impact this can have.

There are many perks but for us the cons outweighed the pros.

I have a friend in the army. His family had no stability, moving around regularly (at one point, his wife had to commute from the north of Scotland to London every week). Army homes are also a bit grim I gather. You do get reduced school fees though.

I also think a career after the military isn't as easy as it's made out to be (specialisms like engineering aside). Yes you have lots of skills but they're not necessarily transferrable from a highly hierarchical organisation where people do what they're told to a commercial setting.

Ten years on, you're competing with people with a decade of industry experience and a proven track record. It's a risk to employ an ex-military person over the safer option. No disrespect intended. It might just be my field but I haven't come across an ex-military person working in professional services.

But I respect people that are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. Good for them. I wouldn't be encouraging my teenagers to take that route though as I think it's a difficult life unless you can't imagine doing anything else.