Why aren't people supportive of a child wanting to join the military?

[321gogogo]

Just off the back of another post.

My youngest (14) is very clear about his career path. He wants to join the Navy and train to become an engineer.

We are fully supportive of this, as we are of his brother who is looking at law or IT.

I was surprised to read of so many people saying they wouldn't support their child if they wished to join the military and I was wondering why the negativity.

Why would people not want their child to go and kill others or be killed themselves? Why would people not want their child to develop PTSD?

I’m from a military family but you can’t be serious.

For the poster who thought paramedic was an amazing GOTCHA! I’d prefer my kid didn’t do that either. Or join the police.

Actually, I tell a lie. I met someone the other week that worked for a fund management firm and had been to Sandhurst.

I was very impressed by the financial planning consultations DS had (squaddie). He is house-buying soon. I get impression few if any of his peers have had similarly thorough advice in their early careers, by age 20 (others not military).

Apparently there are about 125k police officers, and 147k members of British military at moment. We get a lot of threads stating alarm at military career on MN, but few about police careers (and nothing about firefighters, security guards, nursing, border patrol, coast guard, paramedics, RNLI, fishing, MoD guards, offshore oil platforms, construction, tree surgery... a lot of "dangerous" occupations never get discussed so hotly). I wonder why not.

The MN response is disproportionate & illogical. Many of the objections raised here are also hazards in many other professions, eg: PTSD, abrupt house moves, H&S, addiction, long periods away from home at a young age, objecting to duties imposed by employer policies, bullying, abuse... no shortage of other ways to experience those things in other occupations.

Most people wouldn't encourage it, for all the reasons listed above, of which there are loads. It's not a way of life I'd want my sons living, base, away a lot, leaving a wife behind to raise the children.

For me:

1. It has been questionable why British forces have been deployed in several of the last conflicts they have been sent to. I would not want my child to be involved in things we perhaps shouldn't be.
2. The military lifestyle can be damaging to people, even if they don't go to conflict spaces (although it may be positive for others).
3. My brother served for 22 years. Although not diagnosed with any mental illness, he has become a rigid and difficult person. He struggles to see other ways of doing things and to work in situations which involve working together and not having a strict hierarchy. His marriage is a hierarchy and we are currently having to do something together, which he feels a very strong need to be in charge of. He wasn't my like this before the army.

DHs family are all ex Navy. Reasons why not from seeing them:

• PTSD/depression/inability to fit into normal life

-racism and sexism is rife -Guilt over being involved in the death of people

• fucked up family life (DH didn't recognise his dad when he came home after 8 months when he was 3) and was moved around a lot.

Other reasons:

• I am completely opposed to war and nationalism so would hate DC to be involved in that world.

-if they got involved in conflicts like Iraq that caused more suffering than good I couldnt look them in the eye. Why would you want them to? You can be an engineer and travel to so many places and be in such good demand.

@lljkk I wouldn't be keen on any of those careers either.

The thing about the military for me is the lack of stability. They families have to move and the forces person is away a lot. That's not quite the same for police or paramedic for eg.

Fair enough.

What I will say is that the world as we knew it - certainly over the last 100 years - is changing. We have already entered WW3, that is very clear. Over the next 15 years there will be more conflict in Eastern Europe, the Middle East and the Far East/Pacific. Military spending will increase and while unmanned weapon systems are now coming into the arena, the frontline will become blurred. We may see some of our children and grandchildren enlisted. They will certainly want your whole hearted support then.

All of the reasons already given, but also I grew up very near a large army base and I don’t have a single female friend from there who hasn't experienced some sexual abuse from squaddie/s and have so many male friends who have been ganged up on and beaten up. Frankly am trying to bring my son up to be better than that.

@Zuffe

Well said...

@321gogogo

"I was surprised to read of so many people saying they wouldn't support their child if they wished to join the military and I was wondering why the negativity."

I guess some of what you hear and read may be down to deeply and genuinely held beliefs but I suspect some might also be down to prejudice, politics and perhaps some ignorance of how the military works.

Yes there are some risks to some aspects of the job, even as an engineer in the Navy, but then again there are potentially a lot of benefits, both short and long term.

If it's what your youngster really wants then I wish him success.

My DF was services before I was born. It is not a culture or a lifestyle that I would want for my child.

I would like dc to have a settled & secure family life, something that is not easy in the forces. Obviously it's his life and his choice but thankfully ds has no interest in the armed forces.

If I had a dd, I'd do everything I could to prevent it. The culture makes it plain unsafe.

OP, evidently many posters on here have a very skewed view of both the military and the real world. The modern military offers fantastic opportunities for young people, giving them highly specialised qualifications in their relevant field. I know many serving and ex serving personnel, some have done a full term and retired at 40 before embarking on a secondary vocational career. Others have served just a few years of their time and have made excellent candidates to work at companies such as BAE or taken non exec directorships. The army teaches our young people values whilst moulding them into great members of society, it makes a very strong argument for the bringing back of national service to address the troubled youth of today.
When all said and done, we need a military, in this ever troubled world, we need to be protected. The posters on here would be the first to cry out should a foreign regime wish to place rule over the UK and jeopardise their idyllic live values which have been fought to be protected by generations of our military forefathers.

@Zuffe if they were conscripted in a war situation then I would support them 100%.

But it's not a life I'd choose for them (the conscripted person and their family)

The clue is in the name but I would support them to the hilt. Because the day we need them to protect us, peace keep, do humanitarian aid, fire fight, ambulance drive, clear up rubbish, or rescue people from danger we will be pleased to have them. I have done most of those. Also when the war does come they will be in a better place to survive than the conscripts. There is danger in anything we do. But at least the Armed Forces, and police fire service, NHS etc serve the country rather than winge about it.

DH was a military child and would discourage our kids from joining because of the impact on family.

I am not actually against it, but the officer path (including further education/degree) is a much, much better path than enlisting at the earliest possible age.

More money, more quickly, generally safer roles, more transferable skills when you leave.

If they did want to do it, that's the path I would want them to take. You need good A levels to do that.

DS1 has been in the army for 9yrs. It was the absolute making of him. He turned down a place at university to join up. He’s very intelligent but had no self confidence and was quite shy. He will talk to anyone now, including royalty, politicians and diplomats from here and abroad. He’s well thought of and is flying through the ranks.

I wouldn’t let him sign up at 16, because I wanted him to do his A levels, and I didn’t want to be the one to sign the papers incase something happened to him. When he was talking about joining up, my mum said to not stand in his way, which i wouldn’t have done because DH did a 35yr RAF career. My sister was very disparaging. She said she’d never allow her son to do it, he’s now 25 and never had a permanent job.

I couldn’t not support either of my kids. DS1 is a brilliant soldier. DS2 is an excellent nurse. When I look at them both I feel immense pride. They’re wonderful young men who people look up to.

DH did a 35yr RAF career as an engineer. He used the resettlement resources offered to him wisely so walked straight into an excellent job in the civilian aviation industry.

@Paulrn what jobs do you consider serving the country?

Most jobs do but some go well beyond the norm, except anything to do with airy fairy jobs like influencers

Because this career path may cause my child to end up killed, maimed or psychologically and emotionally damaged. It may also lead them into committing aggressive morally questionable acts in other peoples countries.

This is mumsnet. The kids here can't cross a road or play outside, never mind choose their own career or partner.

The reality of Royal Navy life is better discussed with mums who actually have sons or daughters in the Royal Navy. There are plenty of those where you can chat to real mums, using their real names so you know they aren't unqualified trolls like rapey raperson a few posts back.

It's full of positives and negatives but when you see some of the responses here generalising about thousands of people, surely this isn't where you're hoping to gather your intel. The ignorance on here is fine, if you don't live it you don't know. There are much better places to find out about the life than here OP.

Because by 25 my good friend was a Lance corporal paratrooper, he was commended and an excellent soldier, by 26 he was dead.

My father became an alcoholic in the army, very unhinged and violent man until he drank himself to death. I watched my mother almost die at his bare hands on more than one occasion.

My ex was riddled with ptsd from his 12 years, he was also violent and aggressive with a alcohol problem.

2 friends from school were blown up in Afghanistan, before they'd reached 22.

Did the army give all these people an opportunity to travel and make money? Absolutely. Did it also destroy their lives? Also Absolutely.

I also know of people who've got ptsd not just from the job, but having to deliver news to mothers and wives their loved one is dead.

I worked in a nursing home with a woman who's son became so fucked up he spent years in a secure unit after being in Iraq, he's attempted suicide repeatedly.

I have 3 sons, I'll discourage a military career no matter what, plus... I don't really like war tbh. Doesn't seem much fun.

Considering that the UK has within the past decade sent off soldiers to die in wars naught to do with them, I’m not terribly surprised that parents don’t want their kids to enlist.

Could you imagine your child dying in a foxhole with literal Nazis for a totally corrupt Ukrainian government? NOPE

My son is is the RaF - he’s home every weekend, works either earlier or lates, has been to Iraq and Mali but on neither occasion was he anywhere near danger! A friend was in the raf during the second gulf war and on active duty , as a mechanical engineer was based in Italy!

Military doesn’t necessarily mean danger - it’s been great for my son who likes order and structure and is single. Yes the accommodation can be crap and if you get a power hungry officer in charge they can make your life a misery but that happens anywhere!

Because the TV adverts and talks in schools make it sound exciting, worthwhile and fun whilst omitting the fact that you are will be put in situations where you have to kill or be killed.