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Original poster

DD's friend has been kicked out of home

188 replies

TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 20/02/2023 17:50

....and is currently in our kitchen in tears. They are 15. He has had a fractious relationship with him mum and step dad for some time (though we only have his side if the story) but the rows
have apparently got worse this week. He left the house last night and was wandering around his village-he came to ours for a bit then I took him home. He said he told his mum about an earlier Suicde attempt last night and she told him to 'go away'. He has been at school today and she Has been sending him abusive messages all day telling him he is a waster etc, culminating in her saying she is chucking all his stuff out and not to come back.

I don't know the Mum at all. The boy is visibly distressed. We have a spare room he can stay in and I'm fine for him to do so-my view is it might take the heat out of the situation a bit. But I don't feel comfortable not speaking to the Mum
About it-I've asked
Him to send her my number and ask her to give me a ring. Not sure what else to do!

OP posts:
VictoriaBun · 20/02/2023 17:53

Contact social services , tell them he is safe , I should imagine they will contact his parents to see how the family moves forward from this.

DelilahBucket · 20/02/2023 17:54

I would ask him for her number rather than trusting him to contact her.
I would be contacting the school in the morning as there is clearly an issue at home that goes beyond teenage arguments.

PaintByLetters · 20/02/2023 17:55

I would insist he gives you his mums number, and send her a text just saying that you wanted her to know he is safe and you are happy for him to stay the night and perhaps you can call her tomorrow to discuss. I wouldn't trust that he has text her your details.

I would call your local social care tomorrow and make them aware as there is likely support that can be offered to improve the family relationships, and if he stays longer than a month it is officially a private fostering arrangement.

elevenplusdilemma · 20/02/2023 17:56

I would speak to the school safeguarding lead about this ASAP tomorrow. Well done for taking care of him today.

gamerchick · 20/02/2023 17:58

Have you absolute proof that he's telling the truth? Teens say this sort of stuff all the time when they just don't want to follow the house rules

If it's true, you need to refer him to SS.

tillyoumakeit · 20/02/2023 17:58

Agree with PP - you need to contact the mum to say he's with you and can stay for the night (don't commit to more at this time), and contact school and possibly social services. I'd probably go with school first, first thing in the morning and then see what they say just because they probably have better knowledge of the family than a random on-call social worker will have this evening. You need to ask to speak to the school safeguarding lead when you ring in the morning.

WhatWhereWhenHowWhy · 20/02/2023 18:08

Contact Children's Services and the School Safeguarding Lead.
If anything else they need to be aware of when arrangements like this happen as it's classed as 'private fostering' if it goes on too long

Beautiful3 · 20/02/2023 18:36

I'd contact social services, because it sounds like they need intervention.

topcat2014 · 20/02/2023 18:39

Sadly I knew there would be a "step dad", there always is..

Iwillbuymyselfflowers · 20/02/2023 18:41

gamerchick · 20/02/2023 17:58

Have you absolute proof that he's telling the truth? Teens say this sort of stuff all the time when they just don't want to follow the house rules

If it's true, you need to refer him to SS.

This.

Generous pinch of salt, and follow standard safeguarding procedures if necessary.

Iwillbuymyselfflowers · 20/02/2023 18:42

topcat2014 · 20/02/2023 18:39

Sadly I knew there would be a "step dad", there always is..

What a melon.

Undermyumberellaellaella · 20/02/2023 18:45

Get the mums number and call her. Tell her he's safe at yours and you're happy for him to be there if she doesn't expect him home. But ring social services too. He's still a kid.

whatsup00 · 20/02/2023 19:16

It is really nice you're giving him a room. I'm sure he's really grateful. If he is scared at home. Floods of tears sounds like he is telling the truth to me.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 20/02/2023 20:06

I think it's great to offer him somewhere to stay for the night. In the morning, I do think you should discuss the situation with the school or social services- even if you're happy for him to stay a bit longer.

Firstly, school may well be best placed to support him, and it sounds like a complex situation, and secondly to cover your own back a bit, in case the situation isn't entirely as you portray it.

MuggleMe · 20/02/2023 20:19

If you can't get mum on the phone, email school. In theory you can have him longer term as a private fostering arrangement if you're willing. There'll be more on your county council website.

Original poster
TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 20/02/2023 20:20

I've messaged her to say he's safe and welcome to stay here for the night. No reply.
I've seen the messages she sent today on his phone-which weren't very nice. So that much I know is true. The rest no idea-but he does seem very upset.

I will call his school tomorrow and see what they suggest. Hoping it blows over and he can go home. Poor kid.

OP posts:
Absc · 20/02/2023 20:24

You also need to call your emergency duty social care team for your area at this time of night. Given the child has made allegations about parents, if he attempted suicide via taking tablets he will need to attend a hospital for bloods to check he doesn’t require any treatment.

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 20/02/2023 20:27

Iwillbuymyselfflowers · 20/02/2023 18:41

This.

Generous pinch of salt, and follow standard safeguarding procedures if necessary.

Show quote history

I knew before I opened this thread that there would be the usual "children are liars" posts on here.

I don't know why it doesn't break talk guidelines when if you said the same thing about an adult woman you'd be victim-blaming and get loads of "we believe women" responses but a child? They not only have to suffer at the hands of adults they have no choice but to live with, but then they have to put up with no one believing them when they dare to speak out or break free.

Safeguarding literally IS believing children when they tell you that an adult has shown who they are.

Blessedwithsunshine · 20/02/2023 20:52

Whatever you are reading on the messages will be the very least of it, if he is suicidal it’s likely this abuse has been going on for a very long time. Please reassure him, and provide as much comfort as you can. It can be annihilating knowing you don’t matter to anyone as a child/teen.
This doesn’t mean he will be your responsibility into the future - it does mean for the moment you are his only safe person. I still write to my safe person forty years on.

Goldenbear · 20/02/2023 21:05

How sad for the poor child. You are really kind, I hope he finds some resolve.

Iwillbuymyselfflowers · 20/02/2023 21:05

IsItBedtimeYetNope · 20/02/2023 20:27

I knew before I opened this thread that there would be the usual "children are liars" posts on here.

I don't know why it doesn't break talk guidelines when if you said the same thing about an adult woman you'd be victim-blaming and get loads of "we believe women" responses but a child? They not only have to suffer at the hands of adults they have no choice but to live with, but then they have to put up with no one believing them when they dare to speak out or break free.

Safeguarding literally IS believing children when they tell you that an adult has shown who they are.

Show quote history

Maybe some of us have children who are pathological liars.

Actual pathological liars. It does happen.

Original poster
TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 20/02/2023 21:59

The suicide attempt was a few months ago.
He has gone to bed with a hot chocolate. The mum didn't reply. Odd in itself that I think. If it was one of mine I think I'd want to
Know they were safe and how they were at least.
Will see what tomorrow brings.

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 20/02/2023 22:01

God bless you for taking care of him tonight. 💕

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2023 22:07

Where’s his dad?

whowhatwerewhy · 21/02/2023 08:44

Bless you op for taking him in for the night . As others have said let the school and social services know .
Make it clear you are glad he came to you and your going to help him but you need to report his situation .
It might be your able to host him for a few nights while a solution is found .
Hope it goes well, his mom sounds horrible , but she could have issues so don't want to judge . His very lucky to have a good friend in your son and very sensible to come to you for help .