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Original poster

DD's friend has been kicked out of home

188 replies

TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 20/02/2023 17:50

....and is currently in our kitchen in tears. They are 15. He has had a fractious relationship with him mum and step dad for some time (though we only have his side if the story) but the rows
have apparently got worse this week. He left the house last night and was wandering around his village-he came to ours for a bit then I took him home. He said he told his mum about an earlier Suicde attempt last night and she told him to 'go away'. He has been at school today and she Has been sending him abusive messages all day telling him he is a waster etc, culminating in her saying she is chucking all his stuff out and not to come back.

I don't know the Mum at all. The boy is visibly distressed. We have a spare room he can stay in and I'm fine for him to do so-my view is it might take the heat out of the situation a bit. But I don't feel comfortable not speaking to the Mum
About it-I've asked
Him to send her my number and ask her to give me a ring. Not sure what else to do!

OP posts:
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/02/2023 16:30

Gwen82 · 21/02/2023 15:59

Yes I was on the thread where the OP spoke about her daughters drinking and being out of control and suicide attempts.

I suspect there is more to this situation than we will know

Show quote history

To be fair, though, despite the OP's difficulties with her daughter, she still has enough kindness and compassion to look after her daughter's friend in rather awful circumstances. Which by the sound of it, neither of you judgemental people would consider from the height of your tall horses.

MadamArcati99 · 21/02/2023 16:35

@WhereIsMumHiding3

did you even read that the Op's DD has made suicide attempts andthe OP is always picking her p high or drunk, as well as stashing weed in her home. They really sound like as appalling influence on each other

CherriesSpring · 21/02/2023 16:35

You really need to contact social services. There is all kinds of Information that you might not be aware of, and also there has to be some kind of official professional notification both for his safety and everyone else’s.

MoreSleepPleasee · 21/02/2023 16:35

Poor boy. Its horrendous the stuff some kids go through. I've got one the same age who still has teddy's on his bed and is very much still a child. Can't believe she's kicked him out. So sad. Well done for being fabulous and helping him.

MadamArcati99 · 21/02/2023 16:36

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/02/2023 16:30

To be fair, though, despite the OP's difficulties with her daughter, she still has enough kindness and compassion to look after her daughter's friend in rather awful circumstances. Which by the sound of it, neither of you judgemental people would consider from the height of your tall horses.

Show quote history

No.I would have gone through the proper channels .

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/02/2023 16:40

MadamArcati99 · 21/02/2023 16:36

No.I would have gone through the proper channels .

Show quote history

As I see it, she has indeed gone through the proper channels.

Minteraye · 21/02/2023 16:46

Blessedwithsunshine · 20/02/2023 20:52

Whatever you are reading on the messages will be the very least of it, if he is suicidal it’s likely this abuse has been going on for a very long time. Please reassure him, and provide as much comfort as you can. It can be annihilating knowing you don’t matter to anyone as a child/teen.
This doesn’t mean he will be your responsibility into the future - it does mean for the moment you are his only safe person. I still write to my safe person forty years on.

❤️

WiIson · 21/02/2023 17:02

No.I would have gone through the proper channels

She did. You might learn something from this thread for when your own children reach this age.

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/02/2023 17:13

@MadamArcati99 i think it’s more that people going through similar struggles are

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/02/2023 17:14

@MadamArcati99 i think it’s more that people going through similar struggles are often drawn to each other because they understand, rather than being ‘bad influences’.

MadamArcati99 · 21/02/2023 17:18

WiIson · 21/02/2023 17:02

No.I would have gone through the proper channels

She did. You might learn something from this thread for when your own children reach this age.

They are all(5 of them) 18 and over and none have them have drink, drug or sucide issues, but thank you

WiIson · 21/02/2023 17:19

Well you do surprise me. Have they all moved out? 😂

Original poster
TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 21/02/2023 17:20

Madam whatever your name is: as I can see you've weirdly done a deep dive through my posting history (have you nothing better to do?) I'll just correct you on a few points. My Dd got attacked and raped by a random man just over a year ago and has since struggled-and yes I've picked her up twice drunk, and there was one occasion she had a small amount of weed on her. Months ago. She has since been in therapy and is now doing really well. Fingers crossed it continues. It's been rough for us all.

There is no implication there is any drug taking or drinking involved in this case with her friend and nor is she doing any of those things.

You know what though? If she had been and for some reason I had kicked her out (I would never have done so) I would of wanted someone to take care of her. Perhaps that's why I'm more predisposed to look after this kid.

OP posts:
JT69 · 21/02/2023 17:23

Definitely report to the school - they probably already have the bigger picture. As least he’s safe with you for now.

WiIson · 21/02/2023 17:23

Yeah, stalking other posters across threads to make some kind of weird stalker point is against talk guidelines.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/02/2023 17:24

@TheLastDreamOfTheOak - so sorry to hear about what your daughter has been going through. As a mother, well, actually, as a person, I fully appreciate your kindness to this poor boy.

Original poster
TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 21/02/2023 17:27

Thankyou. She is doing well right now- 8's and 9s predicted in her exams and attending her therapy and seems in a good place. Sometimes kids need help for whatever reason. In her case the worst possible of reasons. I don't think I ever would have seen one of her mates out on the street but possibly Im
particularly sensitive to kids going through stuff as I've watched her suffer and it was awful.

OP posts:
pointythings · 21/02/2023 17:28

You've done all the right things. I've been in a similar situation some years ago with one of DD1's school friends, only in her case there was physical abuse from an older sibling and she ran away. She literally lived a couple of streets from us. We gave her a bed, contacted social services and the school and followed their instructions. It was taken very seriously, 5 working days from first reporting to interventions being in place. It wasn't easy, we had the dad round ours threatening all sorts, but the interventions helped.

Original poster
TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 21/02/2023 17:29

We have heard from him-he is at home but neither his mum or stepdad are there-he doesn't know where they are. But he is ok for now.

OP posts:
BreviloquentBastard · 21/02/2023 17:33

Thank you for believing him. Situations like this are so hard. My daughter is 15 too and I hope I'd be as compassionate as you in a similar circumstance.

Also I'm so sorry for what happened to your daughter, how awful. The poor mite. I hope she keeps improving and that she's doing better.

whereaw · 21/02/2023 19:01

Sounds like you and your daughter have been through a lot @TheLastDreamOfTheOak

Also, regardless of why or what causes it, plenty of young people get into trouble, can be difficult and experiment with things they shouldn't at times. It can be a part of learning and growing up and doesn't make you a bad person.

There are also plenty of people who have never touched an illegal substance in their life or drunk underage, yet are thoroughly awful human beings.

wishmyhousetidy · 21/02/2023 19:19

whereaw · 21/02/2023 19:01

Sounds like you and your daughter have been through a lot @TheLastDreamOfTheOak

Also, regardless of why or what causes it, plenty of young people get into trouble, can be difficult and experiment with things they shouldn't at times. It can be a part of learning and growing up and doesn't make you a bad person.

There are also plenty of people who have never touched an illegal substance in their life or drunk underage, yet are thoroughly awful human beings.

well said

Our daughter is going through plenty of tough stuff, but also making plenty of terrible terrible decisions. But I do get so fed up with the judgements on his site. - some families are lucky some are not. Some teens make terrible choices some do not. This site is supposed to be a place of support not judging parents as being useless because their child loses their way

AKAsomeoneelse · 21/02/2023 21:40

@whereaw - 100% agree

Weedoormatnomore · 22/02/2023 07:48

@TheLastDreamOfTheOak sounds like you have a great relationship with your dd that she is able to talk to you. I hope she continues to thrive with your support and the help you have got her. Hope her friend is ok.

dimorphism · 22/02/2023 10:30

OP, you are brilliant. IMO you've done everything right. I'm glad there are people like you in the world - your DD and this young man are very lucky to have you. I hope the school and SS can help him.

Have some virtual tea and cake - 🍰- you deserve some time to decompress from all this.