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Original poster

DD's friend has been kicked out of home

188 replies

TheLastDreamOfTheOak · 20/02/2023 17:50

....and is currently in our kitchen in tears. They are 15. He has had a fractious relationship with him mum and step dad for some time (though we only have his side if the story) but the rows
have apparently got worse this week. He left the house last night and was wandering around his village-he came to ours for a bit then I took him home. He said he told his mum about an earlier Suicde attempt last night and she told him to 'go away'. He has been at school today and she Has been sending him abusive messages all day telling him he is a waster etc, culminating in her saying she is chucking all his stuff out and not to come back.

I don't know the Mum at all. The boy is visibly distressed. We have a spare room he can stay in and I'm fine for him to do so-my view is it might take the heat out of the situation a bit. But I don't feel comfortable not speaking to the Mum
About it-I've asked
Him to send her my number and ask her to give me a ring. Not sure what else to do!

OP posts:
BlackFlyChardonnay · 21/02/2023 11:56

I'm glad you have helped him so far, and hopefully the school can continue to make sure he's safe and cared for.

ApolloandDaphne · 21/02/2023 12:19

MadamArcati99 · 21/02/2023 11:49

I think you should have rung social services straightaway. You are NOT equipped to deal with this sort of thing.

Ringing SS out of hours would have achieved nothing. They would not have removed him elsewhere, especially given the OP works in social care. The lad was safe with the OP and it has been dealt with correctly today via the school.

Mamansparkles · 21/02/2023 12:20

MadamArcati99 · 21/02/2023 11:49

I think you should have rung social services straightaway. You are NOT equipped to deal with this sort of thing.

Did you read the bit where she passed it to the school safeguarding lead first thing in the morning and discussed it and agreed they would contact social services rather than her for well thought through and valid reasons?
Or that OP is actually a social worker herself?
Well done OP.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 21/02/2023 12:25

Inform social services what is happening, tell him and them that it’s only temporary or you might get yourself involved with a lot of problems ,

whereaw · 21/02/2023 12:28

Well done! You sound awesome.
You have stepped up like 99% of people would not (although they do like to judge others on social media)...
Poor lad, I'll be thinking of him.

I know similar situations when I was a kid, and sometimes having a space when needed in the home of a friend's caring parent is the thing that can make all the difference to a kid going through troubles at home. Yes social services are important (and as established you've done everything you should there), but ultimately it's about rallying together as a community, which has mostly been forgotten in todays age.

Eightiesgirl · 21/02/2023 12:30

Just wanted to say thank you for looking after him. You are very kind and I'm so glad he has someone like you in his corner.

Meandfour · 21/02/2023 12:31

So good of you to give him a safe space for the evening. I hope you’ve managed to speak to school today and he is ok.

Goldenbear · 21/02/2023 12:36

You are amazing OP, my 15 year old DS is doing a couple of mocks today, it is hard enough revising in a calm environment with supportive parents, I can't begin to imagine when you described this boy revising for his Geography exams how much harder that would be with all this going on. It is really depressing to think you have this beautiful baby in your arms and then you treat them like this as a teenager.

Weedoormatnomore · 21/02/2023 12:43

Bless good of you to let him know he has a safe space to go too. Sounds like a good lad if trying to study still for mocks with everything else going on.

MarieRoseMarie · 21/02/2023 12:46

DD’s friend?

I would let a same sex friend stay but not an opposite sex friend in the long term. Sorry to be cynical but I’ve seen it go wrong a lot.

Lambchop1 · 21/02/2023 12:51

Social services - you should call them immediately. This child is too young to be thrown out, parents have a legal obligation to care for him.
Go through the authorities to protect yourself.

PinkyFlamingo · 21/02/2023 12:55

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/02/2023 10:03

Refer to SS. Always keep in mind, you've heard one side.

Shes seen awful messages from the poor boys Mum to him to.

Indecisivebynature · 21/02/2023 13:09

You should ask for her number and contact her.

Tell her you’re happy for him to stay with you temporarily.

Ask her for her side of the story so you can get an idea of what is going on.

Let school know he’s temporarily staying with you and the situation.

dimorphism · 21/02/2023 13:30

It's terrible advice to contact the Mum at this point. Let the school and SS deal with contact with his parents.

Since OP is in social services herself, she probably knows this. At best the family needs a lot of support OP can't provide but SS may be able to.

Well done again for stepping up OP, I hope your DD is not feeling too upset about all this.

dimorphism · 21/02/2023 13:30

(at worst SS have powers to remove him from his parents, which OP does not)

Justmeandthedog1 · 21/02/2023 13:38

Thank goodness there are people like you. Poor lad, his family sound vile.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 21/02/2023 13:42

No advice, just glad the poor lad has a safe port in a storm and a responsible adult on his side

Wecanallmakeadifference · 21/02/2023 13:43

Just like to say I think you are a wonderful person for taking care of him
Your comment on him going to bed with a hot chocolate brought tears to my eyes
A good friend of mine ( not now after what she did) chucked her daughter out age 15 once her ex stopped paying her £2500/month. Once she wasn’t living off her child’s money she didn’t want her. It’s awful to know there are people out there like that.

Hes so lucky to have someone to turn to.

Ihatethenewlook · 21/02/2023 13:46

Indecisivebynature · 21/02/2023 13:09

You should ask for her number and contact her.

Tell her you’re happy for him to stay with you temporarily.

Ask her for her side of the story so you can get an idea of what is going on.

Let school know he’s temporarily staying with you and the situation.

Why are people continually not reading the threads or the updates? There’s only a few of them. The op has contacted the mother and told her where her son is. The mother has completely blanked the op so obviously the doesn’t give a shit. People are jumping the gun too much about what’s happening next. He’s spent the night, that’s it. She’s not offered to permanently or temporarily foster him or adopt him. Social services have been contacted by the school’s safeguarding team which the op has sensibly notified. And the boy is going home after school today and will hopefully remain there. And whoever said the op is ‘not equipped’ for this. Speaking from personal experience as a foster child and a fosterer, the worst thing that could have happened to that child last night would have been picked up and put in an emergency placement. The op was happy to keep him for a night, and that’s the best possible outcome at this moment of time.

letthemalldoone · 21/02/2023 13:51

Indecisivebynature · 21/02/2023 13:09

You should ask for her number and contact her.

Tell her you’re happy for him to stay with you temporarily.

Ask her for her side of the story so you can get an idea of what is going on.

Let school know he’s temporarily staying with you and the situation.

Suggest reading the thread...

Duckswaddle · 21/02/2023 13:58

It’s so lovely he has you to help and support him.
I have a very similar sounding mother and step dad and would have loved to have somewhere safe to go when shit kicked off.

SummerWinds · 21/02/2023 14:07

ThankGod he's got you and your daughter looking out for him. It's such a difficult age as it is, never mind all that he's dealing with. I hope things really improve for him and you are so kind to be giving him a helping hand.

WetBandits · 21/02/2023 14:19

MarieRoseMarie · 21/02/2023 12:46

DD’s friend?

I would let a same sex friend stay but not an opposite sex friend in the long term. Sorry to be cynical but I’ve seen it go wrong a lot.

It’s entirely possible to have friends of the opposite sex and for it to be platonic on both sides. I don’t suppose this poor kid who’s been kicked out by his mum and is revising volcanoes in the middle of the night has sex on his mind.

I’m glad OP is kind. Thank you for giving a shit @TheLastDreamOfTheOak Flowers

Mammajay · 21/02/2023 14:23

Thank God for people like you in this world.

RLScott · 21/02/2023 14:26

AliceOlive · 20/02/2023 22:01

God bless you for taking care of him tonight. 💕

Yes. Well done OP.