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Original poster

Grade A cow - I just spoil everything

215 replies

MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 10:58

Typing because I can't talk to anyone.
We (DP, and 2 of the DC's) were going away today until Monday morning.

I've had a huge strop with DP and one of the teens. Now we aren't going away. DP has told me to fuck myself and pay for it.

The strop was about them staying in bed (9.40am), not packing, leaving kitchen in a mess last night (I went to bed early) after I did a real big spring clean in it yesterday.

My excuses - week has been tough for me.
I have a type of leukemia, it's managed but this week has been tiring. My back and hips had been painful. Not able to do my daily exercise that keeps me sane. I'm so tired. I was working yesterday afternoon and juggling activities for SEN child in evening.

I do the cooking/keeping the home. I work, currently 2 jobs - back to 1 role in July. DP works away alot and does work really hard. Sometimes it feels it come before family things but that's the current nature of his work.

I'm hiding away now crying. Braving it to go and unpack the food etc...

This is a continual.pattern. I ask for assistance. They ignore, I get cross- they do it with bad grace. Now DP and I are at the "fuck it, too much effort".

OP posts:
GoodChat · 17/02/2023 12:23

Because she was the one who had a ‘huge strop’ over them over sleeping and leaving the kitchen a mess

She's also said she's a grade A cow and ruins everything when she's actually been pretty rational so let's take what she's saying with a pinch of salt as she's currently quite emotional

Xol · 17/02/2023 12:24

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:03

Can’t you just apologise and then all go.

I feel so sorry for the DCs that they were looking forward to it and then their mum and dad have an argument and now they can’t go.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time either.

I grew up with parents like this.
They’d promise us stuff and then on the day have a big row and we’d end up not going.

Don't the kids have any responsibility for creating the situation that led to the argument? Like, say, not creating a mess, and getting up and packing so that they would be ready to leave at the agreed time?

rainbowstardrops · 17/02/2023 12:25

You have definitely not been a cow! I'd have been fuming too if I was the only one bloody doing anything whilst they snoozed merrily in bed!
Hope you've managed to go with the dog. They might not take you for granted then.

Ihatethenewlook · 17/02/2023 12:26

I hope you’ve still gone op x

Salzburggirl · 17/02/2023 12:27

Oh fuck that.
You should just go and leave them to it.
They weren't ready so they missed out.

And I'd be planning some more trips away on my own - assuming you can afford it of course.

DarkShade · 17/02/2023 12:29

Fuck that for a game of soldiers! Go and take the kid who got up in time!

It does seem a shame, especially for the child who was up and ready, to miss out on a holiday and stay at home while family rage around them.

Original poster
MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 12:29

Thank you. Your responses have been helpful in getting some rationality into my head.

I repacked my things. Got my route planner. Decided against the dog so I could indulge in retail shopping if weather grim.

Asked DP to move his car. He said "dont you want us to go?".

Felt that was a little push putting the blame fully on me. So calmly said i don't feel that's fair though I respect they will not see my pov. But I booked it for all us, I sorted accommodation, bought, packed food. I'm upset because I do this and no-one ever seems interested. " I'm sure you are, but to me it looks like you'll all sit back. And I'm struggling and tired. But as I am paying I am going and I will be fine."

He apologised. Said he wanted to go. He had to rally the troops. So they've repacked (bet stuff is forgotten but hey ho not getting vexed about it).

We are in the car. One DC is struggling as they have SEN and this morning has upset their mind. The elder DC gave me a hug and told me to not be upset which for them is quite something. Other DC staying home as previously planned gave me a hug.

I'm aware this doesn't fix the problems. Somethings said on here are helping me see this cannot continue.

Dog seems happy though.

OP posts:
Turtonator · 17/02/2023 12:31

Trigger for the type of crap I put up with for quiet life. Please seriously go on your own, it won't be the family weekend you wanted/anticipated but some chill time for yourself. Take the dog if you want, stop at a charity shop and buy a jigsaw, or a book, just go, don't leave it to overthink it, just go.

2 jobs, a health issue, caring for everyone else in the house, up early to walk the dog first, food already packed. What the heck - you are not asking for much. Go baby go!

Circumferences · 17/02/2023 12:32

Ah at least he apologized that's something I suppose

Have a lovely time!

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 12:32

I hope you have a nice time OP. I'm glad you got to say your piece before you all headed off. Hopefully it'll mean they're a bit more considerate.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 12:34

Fuck his apology. He only apologised to get his way off your dime. He awful and not half-arsed apology erases his abuse.

Pyjamageddon · 17/02/2023 12:34

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 12:32

I hope you have a nice time OP. I'm glad you got to say your piece before you all headed off. Hopefully it'll mean they're a bit more considerate.

Until the next time.

Turtonator · 17/02/2023 12:34

Great for update. Take this as time to reset the family thinking and try yourself not to be the enabler for future. Maybe communicate over the weekend, don't let it be a slow build up for massive melt down. I hope it's a great weekend for you all.

rainbowstardrops · 17/02/2023 12:35

Well at least he's apologised and the DC have recognised that you were at the end of your tether this morning.
I hope you have a lovely weekend away

randomuser2019 · 17/02/2023 12:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/02/2023 12:39

Great update OP. Your going anyway obviously shocked them into realising you won't be a doormat.

Go and enjoy the weekend.

On return have a family meeting and discuss your feelings please.

tara66 · 17/02/2023 12:41

OP hope you have a lovely time and everyone is kind and thoughtful - including the weather!

Nanny0gg · 17/02/2023 12:42

When you come back, look again at the title of this thread.

Then get it out of your mindset. Have a really good think about what YOU want and what YOU need and see if your DP can contribute or not.

Gh12345 · 17/02/2023 12:44

Maybe all of you were out of line and you can all agree to disagree.

WimbyAce · 17/02/2023 12:46

I'm glad you are still going. You were def not to blame. They all need to take a look at themselves.

Salome61 · 17/02/2023 12:46

I hope you have a lovely time. Your post reminded me of our last holiday with our teens in Cyprus, they just wouldn't get up, every day was a trial and I ended up going off on my own one day. Sometimes we just need some space :)

Original poster
MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 12:47

And that's the worry isn't it.... until next time.

I think we need a family chat.. the children are getting older and can help more. DP (father to all the kids) needs to rebalance work/home).

I need to be clearer in what I want/expect, they need it spellbound clearly.....

My strop wasn't horrific. No blazing rage or shouting More of a not fair/tears. Not great and a good point from a few people is I need to accept and learn I don't have to be the happy one.

OP posts:
Tallulasdancingshoes · 17/02/2023 12:48

You haven’t spoilt anything. They have with their selfish, lazy attitude.

Original poster
MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 12:48

☆not spellbound - Spell out...

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:48

If OP started a thread saying her and the kids overslept and didn’t clean the kitchen and so her DH had a huge strop, caused a massive argument and is now going on the family holiday without her or the kids - everyone would be calling him every name under the sun.

OP snapped because of what sounds like an ongoing situation but it’s OP that wants them all to go - she’s not going to have a good time without them and it’s not going to solve the bigger issues they have.

It takes one person to apologise and break the ice and then hopefully the other person will apologise too and it opens up a discussion.

As OP started the argument I would have said - I’m sorry for having a big strop, I’m just annoyed because of X, Y, Z and I don’t want us to miss out on this experience over a messy kitchen.
Hopefully then they’ll apologise back for over sleeping and not packing etc and promise to make more effort in the future.

I definitely think a proper discussion is needed afterwards but I think it’s more important that the DCs and OP get the holiday that they’ve been looking forward to.