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Original poster

Grade A cow - I just spoil everything

215 replies

MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 10:58

Typing because I can't talk to anyone.
We (DP, and 2 of the DC's) were going away today until Monday morning.

I've had a huge strop with DP and one of the teens. Now we aren't going away. DP has told me to fuck myself and pay for it.

The strop was about them staying in bed (9.40am), not packing, leaving kitchen in a mess last night (I went to bed early) after I did a real big spring clean in it yesterday.

My excuses - week has been tough for me.
I have a type of leukemia, it's managed but this week has been tiring. My back and hips had been painful. Not able to do my daily exercise that keeps me sane. I'm so tired. I was working yesterday afternoon and juggling activities for SEN child in evening.

I do the cooking/keeping the home. I work, currently 2 jobs - back to 1 role in July. DP works away alot and does work really hard. Sometimes it feels it come before family things but that's the current nature of his work.

I'm hiding away now crying. Braving it to go and unpack the food etc...

This is a continual.pattern. I ask for assistance. They ignore, I get cross- they do it with bad grace. Now DP and I are at the "fuck it, too much effort".

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:03

Can’t you just apologise and then all go.

I feel so sorry for the DCs that they were looking forward to it and then their mum and dad have an argument and now they can’t go.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time either.

I grew up with parents like this.
They’d promise us stuff and then on the day have a big row and we’d end up not going.

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:05

You are cutting your nose off to spite your face.

A messy kitchen is annoying but it’s not enough to cancel a trip that you were all looking forward to (including yourself).

rogueone · 17/02/2023 12:06

Go and leave them- they don't treat you well

MountainChalet · 17/02/2023 12:06

You need to stop blaming yourself. They're so used to have you do everything that they've just became lazy and entitled. Go have a restful weekend by yourself and the dog.

Cherrysoup · 17/02/2023 12:06

Why didn’t your dp get them out of bed, knowing you were leaving at 10? Has he abdicated all responsibility re the dc?

MeghanThyStallion · 17/02/2023 12:07

Take the car and the food. Only take the dog if you actually want to. Have a lovely time!

delayedtrauma · 17/02/2023 12:07

Your kids sound lazy and your partner like a complete asshole. Tell him to go fuck himself and leave. If he can't even support you while you're unwell what is the bloody point of him.

Butchyrestingface · 17/02/2023 12:07

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:05

You are cutting your nose off to spite your face.

A messy kitchen is annoying but it’s not enough to cancel a trip that you were all looking forward to (including yourself).

Sounds like HE'S the one who is cancelling it surely?

I'd definitely go and leave the three of them to devour each other in your absence, Hunger Games style.

PrinnyPree · 17/02/2023 12:09

That sounds like shit OP, agree with others, grab some books, bubblebath, bubbly and just go yourself and have a lovely relaxing weekend. X

Bettyboop3 · 17/02/2023 12:09

I really hope you've gone without them, give them all a shock. I would definitely take your dog for company and to ensure he's looked after properly!

lovescats3 · 17/02/2023 12:09

Sounds like you need the holiday/ break just tell them all to get ready to go

Ceryneianhind · 17/02/2023 12:10

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:03

Can’t you just apologise and then all go.

I feel so sorry for the DCs that they were looking forward to it and then their mum and dad have an argument and now they can’t go.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time either.

I grew up with parents like this.
They’d promise us stuff and then on the day have a big row and we’d end up not going.

Why does op need to apologise??

From what she's written, she needs apologising to

I hope she went off without them and took all the food

ManchesterGirl2 · 17/02/2023 12:11

How did you ruin it. What did the "strop" involve? Your partner sounds awful, but it's hard to know without the details of what he was reacting to.

From the sound of it it might be helpful to talk to a therapist, to learn healthier ways to set boundaries with your family and express anger.

TonTonMacoute · 17/02/2023 12:13

Sod that for a game of soldiers! I would have gone on my own and left the ungrateful lazy slobs to manage without you!

Ingles2 · 17/02/2023 12:14

I absolutely could have written this thread a few years ago... having to be the practical one always until I got to the point of snapping. I know its all very well to say go without dp /dc, but it's the horrible, lonely, unhappy feeling that goes with it, that means you don't enjoy it anyway.
Can you go tomorrow? How about taking yourself off out for lunch, then come back later and see if you can reset the mood? even if that means taking just the kids tomorrow and you feeling slightly happier / calmer?
Is DP the father of your dc btw? is he a long term partner?

Merryoldgoat · 17/02/2023 12:14

So you asked them not to leave mess after you spent hours cleaning; you agreed a leaving time and reminded them to get up and pack and they were still in bed 20 mins before; you have leukaemia but do all the housekeeping and child stuff.

They did fuck all and YOU are being blamed?

I don’t think you’re the problem here.

JMSA · 17/02/2023 12:16

Oh my God, you are so NOT being unreasonable FlowersFlowersFlowers

Ingles2 · 17/02/2023 12:16

and by resetting the mood, I don't mean apologising btw.. you haven't really done anything wrong. But seeing if you can jolly the kids along

LookItsMeAgain · 17/02/2023 12:16

By him moving his car to block yours, he's made quite a macho move there. Time to deflate his ego a bit, if you're insured to drive his car, then take it. If you're packed the pop your luggage in the car, bring the dog and enough food for the weekend (and a couple of bottles of wine or whatever your tipple is) and just set off.

This is the living embodiment of "You snooze....you lose" after all you did tell them to be up and packed by the time you got back from walking the dog and they didn't, so you go and enjoy yourself. Let them fend for themselves for a day or two.

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:17

Why does op need to apologise??

From what she's written, she needs apologising to

Because she was the one who had a ‘huge strop’ over them over sleeping and leaving the kitchen a mess.

Yes I would be annoyed too but OP admits starting the argument so therefore it’s on her to apologise.

This is a trip that she wanted her DCs to do.
So by not going with them she is actually punishing herself.

I would apologise, have a great time and then sit down and have a family discussion when we got home.

Ridemeginger · 17/02/2023 12:17

Contrary to popular belief, you are actually allowed to get angry/show displeasure in justified situations. This does not make you an abuser of your partner or children or a "spoiler". This sounds like one such situation. As PP have said, go on the holiday and get away from these people. And please spend the time evaluating whether this is the life you want to live. It sounds miserable. Your partner sounds like a prize shit. You children need a cold hard dose of reality that treating people badly has consequences. Do they understand that you are ill?

Littlewhitecat · 17/02/2023 12:20

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:03

Can’t you just apologise and then all go.

I feel so sorry for the DCs that they were looking forward to it and then their mum and dad have an argument and now they can’t go.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time either.

I grew up with parents like this.
They’d promise us stuff and then on the day have a big row and we’d end up not going.

^ this

I grew up like this as well. It's not great. Cancelling a trip is a very extreme reaction.

ManchesterGirl2 · 17/02/2023 12:21

Ridemeginger · 17/02/2023 12:17

Contrary to popular belief, you are actually allowed to get angry/show displeasure in justified situations. This does not make you an abuser of your partner or children or a "spoiler". This sounds like one such situation. As PP have said, go on the holiday and get away from these people. And please spend the time evaluating whether this is the life you want to live. It sounds miserable. Your partner sounds like a prize shit. You children need a cold hard dose of reality that treating people badly has consequences. Do they understand that you are ill?

To be fair, it depends what "a huge strop" involves. Having grown up with a mother for whom "getting cross" meant tirades of rage-filled verbal abuse, I think not all expressions of anger are acceptable.

I'm not saying that's what the OP did, but we can't tell without more info.

Xol · 17/02/2023 12:22

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 12:17

Why does op need to apologise??

From what she's written, she needs apologising to

Because she was the one who had a ‘huge strop’ over them over sleeping and leaving the kitchen a mess.

Yes I would be annoyed too but OP admits starting the argument so therefore it’s on her to apologise.

This is a trip that she wanted her DCs to do.
So by not going with them she is actually punishing herself.

I would apologise, have a great time and then sit down and have a family discussion when we got home.

Why does she need to apologise for a justified strop? The argument was started by their conduct, they need to apologise.

OMG12 · 17/02/2023 12:22

Glad you’re going. The dog sounds much better company - make sure to pick up some lovely treat foods for yourself (and dog) pack some things you never have chance to do, books, a craft. Whilst you’re away book another solo break