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Original poster

Grade A cow - I just spoil everything

215 replies

MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 10:58

Typing because I can't talk to anyone.
We (DP, and 2 of the DC's) were going away today until Monday morning.

I've had a huge strop with DP and one of the teens. Now we aren't going away. DP has told me to fuck myself and pay for it.

The strop was about them staying in bed (9.40am), not packing, leaving kitchen in a mess last night (I went to bed early) after I did a real big spring clean in it yesterday.

My excuses - week has been tough for me.
I have a type of leukemia, it's managed but this week has been tiring. My back and hips had been painful. Not able to do my daily exercise that keeps me sane. I'm so tired. I was working yesterday afternoon and juggling activities for SEN child in evening.

I do the cooking/keeping the home. I work, currently 2 jobs - back to 1 role in July. DP works away alot and does work really hard. Sometimes it feels it come before family things but that's the current nature of his work.

I'm hiding away now crying. Braving it to go and unpack the food etc...

This is a continual.pattern. I ask for assistance. They ignore, I get cross- they do it with bad grace. Now DP and I are at the "fuck it, too much effort".

OP posts:
user1471462634 · 17/02/2023 11:32

Please go, take time for yourself, it's not too late. You'll have a lovely time with your dog- it's love is unconditional. Your family will soon realise how wrong they were.

GoodChat · 17/02/2023 11:32

I agree you need this break.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/02/2023 11:33

I’m sorry to see you’re struggling. It looks as though you’re being used as a work horse, albeit your partner possibly feels the same. I’m not well, cannot work and it took a long time for dh to really step up to the plate.

Good on you for going alone. I hope you have a lovely time.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 17/02/2023 11:34

It sounds like every bit of that is hard.
And you are hard wired to accept the blame.
Rationalise it.
OK, you are not going. Is it because you didn't do your bit? No it isn't.
I'd look across the next few days and pick what you want to do.

Chimna · 17/02/2023 11:36

Oh love. Go and enjoy yourself! Leave them to mope!

Frangipanitime · 17/02/2023 11:36

Your husband has blocked you in?

op, are you in an abusive relationship? It sounds like you are. Is he doing this as he knows you want to go?

CurlewOnTheRocks · 17/02/2023 11:36

Is he their Dad? If not I'd probably be thinking about getting rid of him to be honest. He's left the kitchen in a mess and laid in bed knowing you were going on holiday then told you to fuck yourself when you've pointed out his utter selfish laziness. He's a prick.

If he's not their Dad then take the kids and explain to them how things are going to change and why. Then enjoy your weekend.

stairgates · 17/02/2023 11:37

There are 2 cars in the house, you go with the dog and if they want they can catch you up, I feel sad for you, go and try and enjoy the quiet for a while and see make some nice plans for the future with options for solo and family days out🙂

Lollipop999 · 17/02/2023 11:38

Sympathise with you, it’s like that here before a holiday, to the point where I can’t be bothered going in the end because I’ve worked so hard beforehand to get everything ready with no support or gratitude from anyone else. In fact dh actively does less the week before a holiday because he’s supposedly so busy at work.

I would probably swallow my pride, make a cup of tea, sit down with my feet up and say that if they want to go they have an hour to pack and get the car loaded. Put the ball in their court but stay as calm and relaxed as you can and don’t help them…. Probably easier said than done. You might be glad of the break when you get there and getting out of the door is the hardest bit, especially with teens.

BreviloquentBastard · 17/02/2023 11:39

I'd hit the roof if my husband ever spoke to me like that.

You're not a cow OP, it sounds like you're stuck in a cycle of being ignored, snapping, and then being blamed for "overreacting". Unless you did something really over the top like chucked ice water over them to get them out of bed or physically punched/kicked them out of bed, I think your strop is entirely justified.

Go on the holiday just you and the dog and let them be miserable slobs on their own for the weekend.

TiaraBoo · 17/02/2023 11:39

Fuck it, take HIS car, ALL the food and the dog.

randomuser2019 · 17/02/2023 11:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

xogossipgirlxo · 17/02/2023 11:45

You husband sounds lovely, doesn't he. Told you to fuck yourself. I swear to god, I would scratch my husband's eyes out after this. If someone there is grade A cow, it's definitely not you. Stop working your ass off for them.

cosmiccosmos · 17/02/2023 11:47

Flowers for you.

I've been in similar situations, once it was me who turned round and said, no not going, can't be bothered.

For me it was because I put so much effort into everything, organising, trying to make this nice, do things as a family. When you are then met with them not bothering to get up, not supporting, appearing as though they couldn't care less unfortunately it takes its toll on you. It's very upsetting. One thing for sure, you are not a cow who spoils everything. It sounds as though they are dragging you down 🙁.

Go away with the dog, treat yourself, relax and read. Leave them to their mess.

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 17/02/2023 11:50

I hope you get to go away with just your doggie for company. You'll have a much nicer time.

Esmereldapawpatrol · 17/02/2023 11:50

This isn't you, DP is being an arsehole and his behaviour is rubbing off on your teen who now thinks it is acceptable to treat you this way.

Pack up and go with your other DC and leave them to it! Arseholes!

Thelnebriati · 17/02/2023 11:50

They've really done a number on you if you think its you that's the problem in this scenario.

2Rebecca · 17/02/2023 11:51

Are they your children or just his children? It sounds like the relationship isn't working if his as he should have got them organised although the leaving time should have been a mutual decision. I'd be tempted to go on my own and leave him and his kids behind and think about the relationship. Did you move in to his house?

Motnight · 17/02/2023 11:53

Really hope you manage to go on the break Op.

roarfeckingroarr · 17/02/2023 11:59

This sounds miserable OP and not your fault at all. You should go on a trip by yourself and spend the time thinking about what will make you* happy. I bet it's not your unsupportive obstructive "partner"

CockSpadget · 17/02/2023 12:00

You are absolutely not a cow. You have been taken for granted for a long time by the sounds of it. As someone who also has a long term illness, and knows how hard everyday life is, I am in awe of how much you do. Hi and have your break and leave the ungrateful users to it.

MadeofElephantStone · 17/02/2023 12:01

Go yourself and try have a relaxing time, it sounds like you deserve it. Your family are selfish. If you can I'd be tempted to extend the time away and let them fend for themselves for a bit. They don't appreciate how good you have made life for them. 💐

Whatmeagain · 17/02/2023 12:01

Maybe say to them you are going and if they want to come with you they are welcome - then if they choose to stay you've done what you can and then you can go and enjoy your peace. Good luck whatever you decide to do

Original poster
MaryDerry · 17/02/2023 12:02

TiaraBoo · 17/02/2023 11:39

Fuck it, take HIS car, ALL the food and the dog.

This has made me laugh.

OP posts:
EternalCountrygirl · 17/02/2023 12:02

It sounds to me like you had enough reason to strop! I empathise with you, experiencing similar in my household and know how it feels! I think that this could be the best course of action - to not have the holiday. Some people only learn by experience and you’ve provided a worthwhile lesson that they shouldn’t take you and all that you do for granted and that they need to be responsible for themselves. It’s hard at the moment, but long term probably better than you just doing everything for them and feeling resentful

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