What is going on with MN?

[AdamRyan]

I used to find it a very refreshing and supportive place to discuss the absolute crap that women put up with in all areas of life. It helped me recognise and start questioning abusive behaviours by mu ex. I think its invaluable to women from that perspective.
Over the past few months though, it appears to have changed

• posts about men "needing" sex when their partner isn't up for it and saying women will only have themselves to blame if their partner has an affair because they aren't getting enough sex
• posts suggesting aggression is a reasonable response to not enough sex
• endless endless "women do it too"/"NAMALT"/"not my nigel" on any thread about male violence
• posters calling women stupid/illogical/rude for questioning the above
• and now loads of sponsored threads about sex toys/"reigniting intimacy" when you've just given birth.

I'm starting to feel the whole tone of the site is becoming very patriarchal, which I never felt before. And it's making me sad. I want a space where I don't have to put mens penis wants first. Aaaaargh.

Not to mention the dam right nasty posters that will pick anything they can at an op just for nasty sake!

Been on it for years

i just regard it as a useful place for the odd holiday question or to have a ganda at the property / diy forums or to chew the day in Chat or AIBU whilst I’m in the car waiting to collect one of my children or over a coffee break.

So for me 🤷‍♀️, it is what it is. An anonymous worldwide internet chat forum.

I am new to the site so not sure how now compares to then. From what you’re saying, it sounds like it’s not as supportive as before. Maybe the adverts for sex toys are about female empowerment rather than pleasing men (some women are gay after all). However, the comments you mention about people putting women down if they don’t want sex or they are subjected to violence sound bad.

A thing that struck me about what you’ve said is that the comments you’ve read sound like the kind of thing the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) or redpill communities might say. They are extremist pro-men/anti women communities and they are massively en vogue at the moment. Perhaps we have some trolls from these communities on Mumsnet who like to antagonise women/put forth their extreme point of view. Mumsnet is pretty famous so it would surprise me if MGTOW targeted it.

So I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all in your viewpoint. I think what you’re seeing is indicative of the uprising of extremist groups on the internet gaining traction. It’s common across a lot of the internet I find. I get recommended so many anti-women videos on YouTube for example! One thing I will say is that it depends which section you go on as to how supportive things are. I’ve had good experiences in the conception and chat sections. Maybe you need to avoid the debate sections for a bit; they sound upsetting and I’d feel the same if I’d seen what you’ve seen! Mumsnet is still supportive overall but there are antagonists on the internet that you need to try and avoid.

YANBU

The amount of times I’ve had people telling me how wrong I am, when it’s a public forum, is staggering. There is a feeling of bullying sometimes.

Wrong about what?

About whatever I’ve written.

Laughing at not my nigel.

I think a lot of it is trolling. Mumsnet is high profile as a place for feminist views. Its only natural that the trolls move in. Witness all the threads trying to goad an anti trans response out of MN. I've been here for years. MRA have always tried to wind us up.

I think the Ann Summers / sex toy tie on is just Mumsnet HO being willing to take whatever money they can and not being concerned about how it makes regular posters feel.

I don't know about you but I've ignored everything about sex toys. I'm not surprised they are trying to market to us and I suppose its that or baking equipment or maybe a special pink everyday production that costs 3x as much as the regular version.

So your problem with mumsnet is people not agreeing with you?

I try to. It's all so toxic. But then they creep into other topic areas too and in many active threads.

The place is full of MRAs who have nothing better to do because they're sad and bitter individuals whose lives would improve greatly if only they could learn to accept that women are sentient beings like themselves and are perfectly entitled to have views and opinions like any human being because we're human and not livestock.

Your bottom point is the most annoying for me. I don't want Sex threads in Active.

A but ironic though, OP, that you have two male names as your username. Still drawing attention to the "penis-havers" or is that the point?

I am sure there are trolls from Reddit etc who play games, place bets with each other etc.

Plus changes in the site have changed the tone of the demography.

And size always seems to bring a more anonymous feel, where keyboard warriors can take pit shots without feeling accountable.

Maybe some posters are sick of the all men are evil and all women don't have two brain cells to rub together and can only think if it involves men and are delicate little flowers who do no wrong

There’s disagreement, and then there’s venom. You can disagree with someone without the gratuitous nastiness apparent in some posters’ contributions.

I agree with you. The tone of the place has recently turned over-sexual. That 'intimacy after birth' stuff really does feel like a petulant husband pissed off because he's not getting his end away.

I think it's partly the decision to make the sex topic appear in active conversations. Mumsnet say 'you can hide the topic ' but that doesn't stop the absolute sleazeball men who frequent the sex topic now just posting on all active conversations. I am not a prude - sex is great - but a quick scan of that topic tells you off has been overtaken by pervy men who are immersed in porn culture. Nothing to do with women/mothers enjoying sex and everything to do with how we ought to be sexually available all the time.

This site has always attracted men who get annoyed that women have opinions and are not afraid to express them. Loads of trolls all the time. Just ignore and report. And remember, everyone is entitled to their opinion even if you don't like it.

@Ursuladevinia82 totally agree about the Feminist boards - agree or be damned 😳. I’ve tried to discuss stuff on there but been put firmly in my place so gave up.

It's a character from one of my favourite books! Lots of the female characters are taken - nothing deeper than that 😆

This is definitely the case with posters like Mark, who must have invested hours of his life amassing statistics to prove that women are well- represented in senior positions in the workforce and if they aren't it's because they aren't good enough.

And defending male coworkers who jump to the immediate conclusion that a woman in a meeting must surely be there to make their life easier by making the drinks, taking the minutes and enabling their stellar careers. One can only conclude people like him are coming on this primarily women-based forum to troll and wind people up, and has an axe to grind. I can't imagine "my Nigel" bothering to spend time on here

The feminist boards are my main reason for using MN. For years they were the only place where women could discuss the threat to our single sex changing rooms, sports, refuges, language and prisons, without being subjected to rape and death threats by trans activists.
The standard of debate there is very high - posters back up their arguments with reputable research, and they deconstruct the logical flaws in misogynist posters’ arguments with surgical precision.
I am surprised that PPs on this thread say they avoid them - it’s a debate that involves ALL women, as our rights are under threat, so you really should be concerned and participating.

Also. What people say on here is so different even between the same topic.

I posted once that I was thinking of leaving my husband and got a barrage of abuse about being selfish to my child , grass wasn’t greener and I should just have sex and be quiet and carry on living with him ( I didn’t leave and are now both happy with each other again )
Yet another thread not even a day later saying the same was telling the lady to leave , be happy don’t stay.

baffling.

I’ve been on and off here for years. I agree that there’s been a definite shift in recent months. Posters, yes. But from mumsnet themselves, the sponsored threads, the sex topic in active, the dismissive tone of their responses to questions about these things. It’s all starting to feel like men are being centred. I think they would do well to remember their demographic.