What is going on with MN?

[AdamRyan]

I used to find it a very refreshing and supportive place to discuss the absolute crap that women put up with in all areas of life. It helped me recognise and start questioning abusive behaviours by mu ex. I think its invaluable to women from that perspective.
Over the past few months though, it appears to have changed

• posts about men "needing" sex when their partner isn't up for it and saying women will only have themselves to blame if their partner has an affair because they aren't getting enough sex
• posts suggesting aggression is a reasonable response to not enough sex
• endless endless "women do it too"/"NAMALT"/"not my nigel" on any thread about male violence
• posters calling women stupid/illogical/rude for questioning the above
• and now loads of sponsored threads about sex toys/"reigniting intimacy" when you've just given birth.

I'm starting to feel the whole tone of the site is becoming very patriarchal, which I never felt before. And it's making me sad. I want a space where I don't have to put mens penis wants first. Aaaaargh.

I agree. As for accusing feminists of being ‘angry’ - yes, yes we are. Women have good reason to be angry. That’s at the root of all social justice movements.

I don't think you can deny that the Feminist board is quite intimidating and it does put people off @Babdoc I can't profess to participating in the discussion (the other thing is that the experts on there can make me question what I have to offer when they are already well-versed in the issues - far more than I will ever be).

However, all credit to them I have learned a lot about the trans debates, fairness in sports, and the safety concerns that has led to the demand to retain single-sex changing rooms/toilets in public places, so I am grateful for that, as where would we be without those strong voices preserving our rights - but it isn't exactly an easy place to feel 'at home' (I'll stick with the gardening and work boards )

I completely agree @FlyingIntoSpace . I wouldn't even be surprised to hear they had some kind of new policy in place about it, out had brought in an advisor or something.

Have not been on MN long and already have found that people seem to relish in twisting what you write. There’s been a couple of threads where I’ve really put my heart on my sleeve and had some shitty comments. I enjoy it for the lighter things e.g holiday and style advice but the more serious threads are becoming a big no no for me now as I don’t feel able to express myself fully for fear of the comments. Need to build my resilience!!

@Ursuladevinia82 are you taking the mick? You seem to be pointlessly trying to start an argument with @KangarooKenny in exactly the way she described is what she dislikes about MN.

You couldn’t make it up!

There is a definite shift to the conservative (small c)/traditional viewpoints recently. I am not convinced it’s all MRAs as they are more like sledgehammers, but I could be underestimating the Neanderthals.

I thought the same @TreadLightly3!!

^ Yup. Exactly.

People seem to forget your are allowed an opinion. Instead of answering the op with their opinion they pick on what you’ve posted to start an argument.

Freedom of speech and I’ll that. But as we’ve seen all you have to do to shut a thread down is start calling the op a cunt etc. 🙄It’s a pretty pointless forum now.

A lot of the old posters have long gone. There’s been an influx of trolls.

God, so many 'not my nigels'. Tiresome as fuck.

It’s a deeply unpleasant place isn’t it!

You know if lots of people disagree with you it might be you don't you ?

Actually it feels like men are in charge of the site now. Has there been a change in staff I wonder?

Surely the answer to NAMALT is to stop posting that AMALT.

Most people don't suggest that, but somehow you still get a NAMALT if you criticise a singular man.

Mainly just angry with each other though on mumsnet feminist boards!

Which is precisely what makes it such an unpleasant place!

Wow even this thread is not immune it seems OP 🙁

We used to have to put disclaimers (yes, NAMALT) in our threads right from the start because MRAs would pile on. That went away for a while but seems to be back.

@Ursuladevinia82 why are you constantly so goady?

You can talk about people as a class without meaning that every individual within the class follows the pattern. Saying that men (as a class) are more likely to kill women (as a class) than the other way round doesn't mean you think every man is going to kill every woman or that no women ever kill a man. So NAMALT is a given in those conversations but that doesn't mean we can't discuss the trend.

We should, shouldn't we, so we can work out what's going on? Constantly going on about 'not all men' just dilutes those conversations and makes it look like people are denying facts.

For saying that the feminist forums are very angry places and mainly between posters?

No @Ursuladevinia82 - for everything you post.

It's a bit of a two sided coin for me.

I love the feminist boards. I've learned loads, read a lot of thought provoking stuff, become a better and stronger woman as a result. I've learned so much that worries me but drives me to be a better mum, wife, friend, woman, human.

On the 'not my Nigel' 😁 stuff, I can understand why posters are provoked into that as there can be an anti-male slant to a lot of posts. I've seen some real mental gymnastics to make out that a male was to blame in some way for a scenario in which he really wasn't, even male children and male babies are viewed badly on MN. That makes me a feel a bit protective over the males I know and love.

you post a lot on the feminist forums yourself maddy for someone who tries to avoid them.

Ok.

You are often picked up on threads for picking fights I have noticed. So two peas in a pod! 😂