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Original poster

What is going on with MN?

259 replies

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 08:29

I used to find it a very refreshing and supportive place to discuss the absolute crap that women put up with in all areas of life. It helped me recognise and start questioning abusive behaviours by mu ex. I think its invaluable to women from that perspective.
Over the past few months though, it appears to have changed

  • posts about men "needing" sex when their partner isn't up for it and saying women will only have themselves to blame if their partner has an affair because they aren't getting enough sex
  • posts suggesting aggression is a reasonable response to not enough sex
  • endless endless "women do it too"/"NAMALT"/"not my nigel" on any thread about male violence
  • posters calling women stupid/illogical/rude for questioning the above
  • and now loads of sponsored threads about sex toys/"reigniting intimacy" when you've just given birth.

I'm starting to feel the whole tone of the site is becoming very patriarchal, which I never felt before. And it's making me sad. I want a space where I don't have to put mens penis wants first. Aaaaargh.

OP posts:
Seabreezeme · 18/02/2023 00:29

And there also seems to be alot of offence taken towards sex. I'm pretty sure this was the posters issue. I've seen posts all day annoyed over sex. This might shock some of you but people have sex. They have all kinds of sex. Sex is absolutely fine as long as its consenting. It's healthy it's fun it's loving & it's how you keep a relationship alive. & instead of being open and tilt your head towards another opinion you seem to find it offensive. For having another view on it I will be deemed as a sla# or accused of being a troll. Or how about this. Its just a difference in opinion. The offensive level is off the scale here that mumsnet is unusable unless you are on the same abusive level! I honestly don't really care because I don't use mumsnet anyway. I'm just genuinely shocked at the level of unreasonable there is on here.

Seabreezeme · 18/02/2023 01:01

Infact I've come to realise this is the reputation of most mums. You lot are not representing mumsnset. Mumsnet is representing a total bunch of extremists. What personal cause it is makes no difference, you still meet the same disgusting behaviour.

CallieQ · 18/02/2023 01:05

😳

ilovesooty · 18/02/2023 02:09

@Seabreezeme quite a few posters are not "mums".

LifeunderMarrs · 18/02/2023 04:24

HedwigIsMyDemon · 17/02/2023 23:51

@LifeunderMarrs you’re penis beaker??? 😳😂

Haha, no! I actually read on here that penis beaker was a hoax though.

TeamadIshbel · 18/02/2023 04:39

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 08:29

I used to find it a very refreshing and supportive place to discuss the absolute crap that women put up with in all areas of life. It helped me recognise and start questioning abusive behaviours by mu ex. I think its invaluable to women from that perspective.
Over the past few months though, it appears to have changed

  • posts about men "needing" sex when their partner isn't up for it and saying women will only have themselves to blame if their partner has an affair because they aren't getting enough sex
  • posts suggesting aggression is a reasonable response to not enough sex
  • endless endless "women do it too"/"NAMALT"/"not my nigel" on any thread about male violence
  • posters calling women stupid/illogical/rude for questioning the above
  • and now loads of sponsored threads about sex toys/"reigniting intimacy" when you've just given birth.

I'm starting to feel the whole tone of the site is becoming very patriarchal, which I never felt before. And it's making me sad. I want a space where I don't have to put mens penis wants first. Aaaaargh.

Agree. I've been thinking it was just me but noticed high incidence of sex toy selling, marketing, cropping up in threads too, It feels like male comments are all over the place, although I think easyish to spot as always a victim angle and featuring a DH using porn or affairs post birth. I could be conflating these things though.

Iusedtobedontcall · 18/02/2023 05:25

The ads are makin MN unpleasant for me. Triggering ads when I’ve just lost a baby as a result of abnormalities showing children with disabilities on a thread where I’m asking for support. That ad pops up all over the site now.

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 08:07

You can get rid of ads with a blocker. I have never bothered, but if you ask someone will explain.

The underlying core here is still great, but there's a cohort of bullies roaming around I think.

There used to be the odd, emotional poster who had strange ideas and would lecture people. At the moment it's like there's a troop of them. I wonder if there's a coordinated group derailing and trolling, in order to make MN less comfortable for everyone else- the normal types?

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 08:11

I'd better make myself a tinfoil hat. I've just asked MN to take a look at a thread, I can't believe how nasty it got.

MarshaBradyo · 18/02/2023 08:13

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 08:07

You can get rid of ads with a blocker. I have never bothered, but if you ask someone will explain.

The underlying core here is still great, but there's a cohort of bullies roaming around I think.

There used to be the odd, emotional poster who had strange ideas and would lecture people. At the moment it's like there's a troop of them. I wonder if there's a coordinated group derailing and trolling, in order to make MN less comfortable for everyone else- the normal types?

There do seem to be some intent on bullying others.

Maybe to drive people off yes

It’s easier not to engage. They can deal with each other instead ;

Original poster
AdamRyan · 18/02/2023 08:56

GarlicGrace · 17/02/2023 23:45

@AdamRyan, I have had a lot of garlicky names, yes! How nice of you to remember.

I am so pleased to see you back! Was on a lot of threads with you back in the day and missed you when you stopped posting. Yay!

OP posts:
IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 18/02/2023 09:23

SausageCat47 · 17/02/2023 11:03

I used to find mumsnet super great as a young mum… now my kids are older and the site has changed I don’t really use it as much

I avoid the feminist board even though I studied feminism and gender at university!

It seems populated by (small c) conservatives, suburban types, who didn’t seem to care about women in prisons until a few years ago. I had a relative in prison and what’s more shocking is what the male guards can get up too. The whole board can seem quite naive to me, about prisons etc.

When I first browsed the thread I thought GC meant ‘gender conforming’ 🫣

As someone who was r*ped when I was younger I feel the focus on penises as a source of rape and focus on trans issues as misdirection from structural misogyny.

There’s never any discussion on the issues of men in power on there anymore. People would rather slag off other women.

As someone who's personally experienced sexual assault I’m more worried about the lack of regulation on police recruitment!! The amount of issues relating to serious cases of sexual violence to misconduct, are never really discussed and increased focus on ‘men in changing rooms’ seems odd. I mean, what’s statistically coming out as the worse threat at this point.

And the recent murder of Brianna Ghey seems pertinent in discussing trans hate crime, which is not fully discussed. I’ve never seen that a GC was murdered for their beliefs?

And this general combative attitude to everything seems frustrating. I don’t think it’s trolling, I think this is just what mumsnetters believe these days

I saw on the mumsnet wiki page it was compared to 4Chan, makes me worry about the direction of this site! Makes me think my time on mumsnet is coming to an end… it’s a shame had some really good advice on mortgages and house moves over the years

I’ve come to the conclusion that, on some issues, mumsnet is really not on the pulse and a bit outdated now

There is no evidence at all that Brianna was murdered due to them being trans. There is zero evidence it would be a hate crime. Very few trans people are attacked, indeed and in fact, they are the post privileged and protected group.

GC women are given rape threats and death threats. Trans people don't receive this. At a meeting where women were doing nothing but talking about giving birth, TRAs showed up to protest, and one man had a bag full of knives confiscated.

Another time, recently a womens meeting was being planned, and two men (notice how it's these male trans activists?) were tweeting with each other about planning to set the building alight with the women in it, on twitter. I was watching it happen on twitter in real time, and many of us screenshotted the threats and alerted the local police.

When is the last time GC women have ever given trans activists RAPE threats and death threats, picketed outside their meetings, brought knives and weapons, talking about setting fire to them, held signs saying they should be decapitated, etc? WHEN?

WHEN?

If a trans person was ever victimised, we'd KNOW ABOUT IT. Because they never let a moment go by where they aren't playing the victim.

Don't act like these vicious thugs are victims here, they are the instigators who threaten GCs with rape, burning, death threats, decapitation, rape us till our uterus bleeds (yes, that was actually a tweet by a MALE transactivist). What you are doing is GASLIGHTING and DARVO. As if any women tweet any of these things in these images....

Sadlifter · 18/02/2023 10:04

There is no evidence at all that Brianna was murdered due to them being trans

Oh come on

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 18/02/2023 10:26

Sadlifter · 18/02/2023 10:04

There is no evidence at all that Brianna was murdered due to them being trans

Oh come on

Where? Where is the evidence? Even police said there is no evidence of a hate crime. That they were trans is incidental. Where is the evidence they were murdered because they were trans? Where?

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:32

@Sadlifter I think it depends what you read. I haven't seen any such evidence, but I'm not local, not in the trans community (whose I don't find reliable witnesses anyway). I only see what's on the news, and there's been nothing so far.

Obviously that doesn't mean she wasn't.

I do find your rage disarming, IamWoman. I don't agree with everything Sausage says, but they expressed themselves moderately and would perhaps be open to discussion rather than shouting.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 18/02/2023 10:37

Sadlifter · 17/02/2023 13:46

Yeah I'm GC, but have some sympathy for trans kids so wouldn't go anywhere near the FWR board.

I think the OP might need to hide the Sex topic.

@Sadlifter I think you'll find FWR have sympathy for trans kids as well, and care about them and children in general, so I don't understand why you wouldn't go near it. It's arguably one of the few places on the net that do care about trans kids or kids that think they're trans and what is happening to them. Very few other places seem to have any sympathy or care for them.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 18/02/2023 10:39

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:32

@Sadlifter I think it depends what you read. I haven't seen any such evidence, but I'm not local, not in the trans community (whose I don't find reliable witnesses anyway). I only see what's on the news, and there's been nothing so far.

Obviously that doesn't mean she wasn't.

I do find your rage disarming, IamWoman. I don't agree with everything Sausage says, but they expressed themselves moderately and would perhaps be open to discussion rather than shouting.

@picklemewalnuts I'm not raging, nor am I shouting. I am talking normally, so I don't understand what you are getting at. If you are talking about me capitalising the odd word, that's for emphasis. I am not at all shouting. You've misinterpreted my posting tone.

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:45

Your tone comes across as shouty. Capitals and repetition for emphasis ( see quote below) don't come across as open to discussion, but as shouting down opposition.

"When is the last time GC women have ever given trans activists RAPE threats and death threats, picketed outside their meetings, brought knives and weapons, talking about setting fire to them, held signs saying they should be decapitated, etc? WHEN?

WHEN?

If a trans person was ever victimised, we'd KNOW ABOUT IT. Because they never let a moment go by where they aren't playing the victim."

FrippEnos · 18/02/2023 10:53

AdamRyan · 17/02/2023 20:20

I don't use the terms handmaiden or cool girl either. But a certain type of poster likes to post things that will attract that kind of comment, then post everywhere about being "silenced" and how women criticising other women is the worst thing ever. Drives me demented.

So on the one hand victim blaming = bad on the other its ok for you to call posters names because they are asking for it.

Its this sort of hypocrisy that stifles any type of debate.

Karwomannghia · 18/02/2023 10:53

So you’d know about every incident of a transperson being victimised? That’s a bold statement.

It is possible to accept that trans people have been and continue to be attacked and ridiculed and should be supported (and I don’t mean giving hormones and surgery to teens etc etc) and also think that TRAs are dangerous violent extremists who do nothing to help their cause.

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:58

Absolutely

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:58

Not that this thread is about that.

WallaceinAnderland · 18/02/2023 11:03

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 18/02/2023 10:37

@Sadlifter I think you'll find FWR have sympathy for trans kids as well, and care about them and children in general, so I don't understand why you wouldn't go near it. It's arguably one of the few places on the net that do care about trans kids or kids that think they're trans and what is happening to them. Very few other places seem to have any sympathy or care for them.

Show quote history

Many posters on FWR do actually have children themselves who are caught up in the ideology of identifying as something (anything) other than the sex they were born in. This is why so many posters there are so well read on many aspects of the transgender movement and so very cautious about what is happening to women and children right now.

Karwomannghia · 18/02/2023 11:17

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:58

Not that this thread is about that.

Yeah. Interesting how the original point of the OP has actually played out though!

ilovesooty · 18/02/2023 11:43

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 10:45

Your tone comes across as shouty. Capitals and repetition for emphasis ( see quote below) don't come across as open to discussion, but as shouting down opposition.

"When is the last time GC women have ever given trans activists RAPE threats and death threats, picketed outside their meetings, brought knives and weapons, talking about setting fire to them, held signs saying they should be decapitated, etc? WHEN?

WHEN?

If a trans person was ever victimised, we'd KNOW ABOUT IT. Because they never let a moment go by where they aren't playing the victim."

I agree that the tone of posts like this comes across as angry and hectoring.