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Original poster

DD age 5 described as rude and nasty by holiday club leader

181 replies

ilovetomatoes · 14/02/2023 19:02

As the title says when I picked her up today the leader said this. She wasn’t listening, wouldn’t follow instructions when asked and was “nasty” to another kid ( no details given). I’m a bit shocked. I just said I would speak to her but I’ve never had such horrendous feedback before. The not listening thing for sure which we’ve spoken about but more annoying rather than rude?

I’ve sat her down and talked through how she needs to behave and follow instructions. Bit upset she was described as nasty tbh

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2023 19:03

You’re not sending her back there are you?

CupEmpty · 14/02/2023 19:03

Big difference between saying she ‘was nasty to another child’ and she ‘is nasty’.

Freddiefox · 14/02/2023 19:05

Try to listen to what the other person is telling you. Whilst I think nasty was over the top, your Dd on your own admission doesn’t listen, and it is rude.

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Whyisitsososohard · 14/02/2023 19:05

CupEmpty · 14/02/2023 19:03

Big difference between saying she ‘was nasty to another child’ and she ‘is nasty’.

Exactly this. I'm sure it's not nice hearing this feedback but I think you're saying two different things.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/02/2023 19:05

she wasnt described as nasty - you were given feedback that she was nasty to another child

maranella · 14/02/2023 19:05

CupEmpty · 14/02/2023 19:03

Big difference between saying she ‘was nasty to another child’ and she ‘is nasty’.

You beat me to it.

OP you admit she doesn't listen, so this is something you know is a problem. And she was nasty TO another child. The leader didn't say that SHE is nasty.

musicalgymball · 14/02/2023 19:06

I don't think people will usually tell you so directly if they think they see behavioural issues in this way, so although that seems quite offensive of them to say, I would still look into in case she is being mean to other kids a lot.

If she is, then in the long run it is only going to hinder her as she'll find it hard to keep friends so I would try to nip this in the bud.

Of course it's always possible that the club leader was massively generalising because they saw one bad behaviour and may need a talking to themselves on how they say things to parents.

Still, I'd check out my kids behaviour subtly when they're in groups to see if any of it rings true.

PeekAtYou · 14/02/2023 19:06

Why didn't you ask what nasty thing she did? My mind would be whirring with all kinds of possible scenarios and some would be much more serious than others- for example hitting someone without provocation is very different to taking the last apple from the pile of fruit at snack time.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/02/2023 19:07

What a parent describes as "annoying" for not listening sounds like a huge amount more serious in a group situation. You have had feedback that her behaviour is not acceptable, be grateful to the member of staff who is giving you plain, unvarnished feedback, you are lucky.

Now change your daughters behaviour! She is 5 - this doesnt need to become "set in"

Spottypaperdoll · 14/02/2023 19:08

I think it’s highly unprofessional to use those names and then not go on to explain exactly how your daughter was those things. How are you supposed to correctly address the behaviour for one, but also, it’s just seems a bit immature. The staff are meant to provide care.
Children can be nasty and rude at 5 but it’s the adults job to manage that and then factually relay it to the parent.
(I’m a teacher)

musicalgymball · 14/02/2023 19:09

I've reread the post. Saying she was nasty to another child just seems to be a neutral observation, which is a reasonable way to describe behaviour. They didn't call your child nasty in general.

Clymene · 14/02/2023 19:09

Who said she was rude? The leader told you she wasn't listening.

Why didn't you ask how she was nasty to the other kid?

PeekAtYou · 14/02/2023 19:09

People who aren't her parent will perceive not listening as rude. The play scheme leader was giving instructions and doesn't want to have to repeat herself multiple times. The instructions may be safety related or important to listen so she's not in the position to the told off because she didn't know the rules and expectations.

N1Co · 14/02/2023 19:10

Why didn’t you ask what she did to the other child? Have you asked your dd? You need to know what happened really to be able to
properly address it with her.

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 19:10

Didn’t you ask for feedback as to what the nasty thing was? If she was nasty to someone else you need to no OP. I wouldn’t send her back there but it sounds as though some of her behaviour needs addressing.

PandyMoanyMum · 14/02/2023 19:10

I’m surprised they used those words. Usually the phrase “unkind behaviour” would be used. It doesn’t sound particularly professional. And she’s only 5. You’ve already had a discussion about listening - perhaps emphasise how it’s important so the leaders can keep everyone safe? And that’s why grown ups get cross - they don’t want anyone to get hurt.

Idontmeanto · 14/02/2023 19:10

Sounds like fairly typical 5 year old behaviour, but you do need to address it rather than rail against holiday club leader giving you feedback.

Tell her you are sad to hear she didn’t listen and was unkind. She may need to tell you her side of a disagreement, which is valid.

If a play leader is telling you she’s not behaving/isn’t kind 30 other sets of parents are hearing about the same stuff from their kids and forming opinions that she isn’t a friend to be encouraged. Help her!

Original poster
ilovetomatoes · 14/02/2023 19:11

Ok yes I’m thinking back to the conversation and she did say she was nasty to another child so fair point

Still I feel this is very strong feedback and language to use. Implies DD is really awful which she isn’t as she’s been to many holiday clubs and doesn’t get this kind of feedback

OP posts:
Freddiefox · 14/02/2023 19:13

What happened with the other child op?

Original poster
ilovetomatoes · 14/02/2023 19:16

The leader did say she was rude, that’s the language she used. And gave the example of her not listening.

DD said a boy was following her around and wouldn’t leave her alone. That’s all I can get out of her.

I am of course taking the feedback and going to observe DD more closely. It was the use of language by the leader that shocked me. I was taken aback when she was speaking to me that it seemed really awful.

OP posts:
cansu · 14/02/2023 19:17

Holiday clubs are all about getting bums on seats so your dd must have been pretty difficult for them to tell you.

Coffeellama · 14/02/2023 19:17

I don’t understand why you didn’t ask for more information? If your child was rude and nasty you need to no why.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/02/2023 19:17

ilovetomatoes · 14/02/2023 19:11

Ok yes I’m thinking back to the conversation and she did say she was nasty to another child so fair point

Still I feel this is very strong feedback and language to use. Implies DD is really awful which she isn’t as she’s been to many holiday clubs and doesn’t get this kind of feedback

I think you are very lucky to get it, because 9/10 staff wont risk the aggro, so if you get it once, you can basically assume its happened 10x, roughly, exactly the same way 99/100 people dont bother to write and complain to companies, so if they get one complaint letter, they assume 100 unsatisfied customers

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/02/2023 19:18

CupEmpty · 14/02/2023 19:03

Big difference between saying she ‘was nasty to another child’ and she ‘is nasty’.

Yes. 'She did a nasty thing' is different to saying 'she is nasty'. I don't suppose the other child's parents want another child being nasty to them.

Nimbostratus100 · 14/02/2023 19:19

you say yourself she doesnt listen! And that you personally dont find that "rude" which does imply your perceptions of your daughters behaviour are somewhat milder than the average disinterested observer, because most people would find that rude