DD age 5 described as rude and nasty by holiday club leader

[ilovetomatoes]

As the title says when I picked her up today the leader said this. She wasn’t listening, wouldn’t follow instructions when asked and was “nasty” to another kid ( no details given). I’m a bit shocked. I just said I would speak to her but I’ve never had such horrendous feedback before. The not listening thing for sure which we’ve spoken about but more annoying rather than rude?

I’ve sat her down and talked through how she needs to behave and follow instructions. Bit upset she was described as nasty tbh

And this is why places like this find it hard to recruit staff.

Plus this little girl is only five, and she's in an unfamiliar setting. How many adults would get it right all the time in a new situation with new people, some of whom might be annoying? If 'not listening' is a recurrent theme, then that needs addressing - but this is a child who should really be at home, in familiar surroundings, with people who care about her, not at a holiday club she's never been to before, with people who don't give a toss about her.

I think its odd that you haven't asked for details

I agree with PPs that if someone took the time to raise this with you at a holiday club, it's got to have been quite an issue. I imagine you would have asked about the details and that will dictate the kind of conversation you will need to have with your daughter.

@Sherrystrull

Because its not the appropriate language to use about tiny children.

The person who said it sounds like an uneducated teen who is doing the job but hates it.
She doesn't sound like a professional who has studied early years and she sounds personally irritated by ops dd which is unprofessional and even alarming.

The approach should have been calm and kind and something like ", your dd had some interaction with another child and we observed this. Your dd said this so I stepped in and distracted and asked your dd why she said blah."

She didn't say or do blah.. I hope it's okay to mention this.. Let's see how she gets on tomorrow.

@endoftheworldniteclub

I'm surprised by your immediate assumption the nasty kid was a boy and the person whose hair being pulled a girl.

Why did you assume that?

I would assume there are other children of a similar age at the club but the club leaders have found the OP's child more difficult than the others. If they were all behaving the same way the OP's child wouldn't have been singled out.

I would want to know what my child had done as I would hate to think my child was being nasty to other children.

Don’t be so wet! Why wouldn’t you get more information on what she does that was nasty?
Either the staff were unfair -surely you want to know so you don’t blame your child?
Or they’re correct, in which case how do you teach your child how not to behave if you can’t be bothered to ask what they did?

@Barbie222

I disagree. Like pp said it depends on the club.

I used a few and in one room you could have two brilliant staff members who would come and take your child by the hand, lead them to an activity and help them get settled in.

Or the sulky teen who clearly hates it and doesn't want to be there and should not be there.

@Puddywoodycat She does not sound as if she is trained on how to talk to parents. But it is quite an assumption to make that she does not like children. She could love children and feel sorry for the children the OPs DC were being nasty to.
And yes 5 year olds can have nasty mean behaviour. But they are still very young, it can be changed. But not when parents refuse to see any issues with their DC.

Anyway this is exactly why so many staff give zero feedback about issues.

Maybe not. But some children are more adaptable than others. Plus all five year olds can have a bad day. Anyone who knows anything about children or child development would know this. This is one of many reasons I never used childcare. It's too unpredictable. The OP's child could obviously be a complete PITA in any situation, but the setting the OP describes isn't one I'd have been happy to leave my DC in when they were five.

Existence

I don't trust her feed back because she doesn't know how to feed back and she sounds immature.

I've witnessed too many adults at toddler groups getting it so wrong that I don't trust her.

@ExistenceOptional and nor should they if they are going to give it like this.

They should have strategies to hand to help.

@musicalgymball you’re right, I thought I read pulled her hair but went back and it said their. But it doesn’t matter who did what, still you or noone else helped the poor child. We need adults to teach children what is right or wrong.

In my experience holiday clubs aren't the same as nursery and schools - those in charge whilst they must comply with the law of course don't seem to have to comply with very strict rules schools have about what they say and do. Things may be more relaxed, more volunteer based, and they may well speak their minds a bit more. I remember a lovely elderly lady who ran a club my children went to who was brilliant with the kids but absolutely would offer unsolicited and sometimes critical advice to parents. I was soundly judged because I mentioned my ex husband and I were planning on a sneaky lunch together whilst the children were in the club! The audacity of having some time as a couple without the children being front and centre! Definitely ask for a bit more detail as it's not clear what happened. A five year old not listening in a holiday club when they're excited and playing isn't exactly crime of the century - the "nasty" element needs a bit of clarification so you can tackle that if needs be.

The leader will likely be a teen on NMW. It's unlikely they will have studied Early Years.

Please can someone explain how saying a child wasn't listening and was nasty to another child anything other how people speak?/

I think you have to be quite neutral and open to the fact that she might have been nasty. Sometimes even the loveliest children can have moments of being vile at that age. I had a play date recently with my 6yo and her two best friends who are normally lovely girls and they all made each other cry and were just awful. I had to intervene and almost run a therapy session. I think there is a lot of low level illness, tiredness at the end of term etc which doesn’t leave them at their best.

If the issue arose because the boy was annoying her, she needs to have the confidence to tell a teacher as it sounds like she possibly might have snapped. Would be good to understand a bit more from her though.

@Spottypaperdoll

I missed your post but exactly.

Op I would seriously ask about quals etc because I would be nervous sending my child back and dc don't listen for all sort of reasons again they are tiny and still learning.

What I would do is ask her actual teacher at school to be honest with you about her behaviour at school.

Five-year-olds very often don't listen or pay attention to instructions, it is hardly unusual. What is unusual is an adult responsible for looking after kids that age describing it as rude.

It is rude not to listen to instructions when adult in charge is speaking to you. It’s bad manners. She said child was nasty to a child not she was nasty I’d want to know what had been done.
I personally think that teachers have to sugar coat feedback so much that it’s a shock to child and parents when activity leaders etc don’t. Plus they don’t have to tolerate it eg can ask child not to come back unlike school. My DD really notices her ballet teacher’s feedback v how feedback would be said at school.
I’m a volunteer leader in girlguides and have definitely said to them it’s rude not to listen because it is.
If dc enjoyed club I’d send her again and remind her to listen.
It sounds like honest feedback delivered at end of a busy day.

You’re mis-directing your disappointment, OP. Discipline is not a bad thing; maybe teach your daughter some truths now so you can have more harmonious tween years.

But who would want a teen on NMW to be looking after their child?