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Original poster

DD age 5 described as rude and nasty by holiday club leader

181 replies

ilovetomatoes · 14/02/2023 19:02

As the title says when I picked her up today the leader said this. She wasn’t listening, wouldn’t follow instructions when asked and was “nasty” to another kid ( no details given). I’m a bit shocked. I just said I would speak to her but I’ve never had such horrendous feedback before. The not listening thing for sure which we’ve spoken about but more annoying rather than rude?

I’ve sat her down and talked through how she needs to behave and follow instructions. Bit upset she was described as nasty tbh

OP posts:
Bleachmycloths · 15/02/2023 19:15

“Nasty” is a nasty word to use about a 5 year old. The holiday club leader needs more training.

Mollymoostoo · 15/02/2023 19:18

You need to pick this up with the manager because rude and nasty are not addressing the unwanted behaviour and these terms are adult vocabulary that a 5 year old would not understand.

You need to know exactly what happend and then you can challenge any behaviour that is unwanted.

In terms of not listening, get her hearing checked. I was told this about my son and it turned out he had moderate hearing loss but the teachers just kept saying he wasn't listening. He needs hearing aids.

Fairydustandsparklylights · 15/02/2023 19:18

Naunet · 15/02/2023 18:32

Absolutely agree with this. We shouldn’t be teaching girls to be nice to boys who won’t leave them alone. I’m not suggesting the boy had any ill intent, but girls need to be raised to know that it’s ok for them to assert themselves in situations like that, not groomed to believe they always need to #BeKind.

Show quote history

It’s not about boys or girls. We’re talking about 5 year old children. Stop turning it into male harassment of a female as you’re implying there is a sexual connotation and that the boy will abuse women one day and harass them. It’s simply that one child needs to be taught to respect the boundaries of another. You are implying that the boy had ill intent.

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Sillyname63 · 15/02/2023 19:19

As for the not listening, have you thought about having her hearing checked. It might be that she is ok if you are in front of her and can see your lips but if you speak to her from behind is that when " she doesn't listen" just a thought, also if it is her hearing that might be why she didn't like someone following her around.

nopuppiesallowed · 15/02/2023 19:20

nofluffsgiven · 15/02/2023 18:32

So what if she wasn't really listening, it's a kids club, it's meant to be fun! It's not meant to be like school Ffs! 🙄 They're there to supervise your child while they play and have a nice time on holiday, not boss your child around! If she didn't want to join in the stupid songs or listen to them waffle on in baby voices talking about fluffy toys and all the other crap, she doesn't have to

Oh my goodness! Yes. Kids' Club is meant to be fun, but that doesn't mean that a child doesn't have to listen and take notice of the adults in charge. If every child did exactly what they wanted, it would soon end up like a Lord of the Flies training camp.
'Join in the stupid songs', 'waffle on in baby voices....and all the other crap'? Iit s really a responsible adult posting this? I've taught in primary schools and also helped at various kids' clubs. Believe me - children need love, kindness, guidance and discipline or they end up making their own lives and the lives of others a total nightmare.

Clarabell77 · 15/02/2023 19:22

I’d have had to ask in what way was she nasty, however I don’t think that language is very professional or appropriate. Also, most 5 year olds don’t do listening very well, it’s up to the adult to help them with that.

Naunet · 15/02/2023 19:23

Fairydustandsparklylights · 15/02/2023 19:18

It’s not about boys or girls. We’re talking about 5 year old children. Stop turning it into male harassment of a female as you’re implying there is a sexual connotation and that the boy will abuse women one day and harass them. It’s simply that one child needs to be taught to respect the boundaries of another. You are implying that the boy had ill intent.

Show quote history

No, I’m not implying that at all, in fact I even made that point. I’m talking about social conditioning.

Clarabell77 · 15/02/2023 19:25

PaigeMatthews · 14/02/2023 22:35

The not listening thing for sure which we’ve spoken about but more annoying rather than rude?
not listening to instructions is rude though.

A 5 year old not listening to instructions is not necessarily rude.

Abc12389 · 15/02/2023 19:32

I’m with Onnabugeisha - what was this boy doing? Did she say ‘stop following me’ and he ignored her?

In my experience (with three girls and 1 boy) the girls are expected to behave far ‘nicer’ than boys. I regularly hear boys will be boys and it’s infuriating. I’d want to know exactly what happened.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/02/2023 19:39

nofluffsgiven · 15/02/2023 18:32

So what if she wasn't really listening, it's a kids club, it's meant to be fun! It's not meant to be like school Ffs! 🙄 They're there to supervise your child while they play and have a nice time on holiday, not boss your child around! If she didn't want to join in the stupid songs or listen to them waffle on in baby voices talking about fluffy toys and all the other crap, she doesn't have to

Not listening could be a safety risk. Talking about fluffy toys in baby voices - really?

Nocutenamesleft · 15/02/2023 19:40

ilovetomatoes · 14/02/2023 20:16

Why didn’t I ask for details? She spoke to me at the door where parents collect. It wasn’t private, she used very strong language and I was shocked. My daughter was standing there next to me. It was an older lady not a teen. This is a very large holiday club group in london.

I coach junior sport extensively and have many kids who don’t listen or have the odd altercation. I have never ever described any of those kids as rude or their behaviour as nasty.

I am not defending poor behaviour from my DD. I am worried that an adult in her charge using this kind of language clearly dislikes her and how that will play out in how she is treated

She didn't say she was nasty

She said she was nasty to another child....

Mainlinethehappy · 15/02/2023 19:59

@ilovetomatoes I am worried that an adult in her charge using this kind of language clearly dislikes her and how that will play out in how she is treated
i’d expect changes to be made in how she is treated. I’d bloody want changes if it was my DD. Takes a village to raise a child, and if my DD was rude I’d want consequences to be raining.

Cas112 · 15/02/2023 20:18

CupEmpty · 14/02/2023 19:03

Big difference between saying she ‘was nasty to another child’ and she ‘is nasty’.

This

Jelly89 · 15/02/2023 20:20

Lots of holiday club staff are not the usual nursery staff so they might not know your child as well. I would take the feedback and see if you get anymore like it about your child. Hopefully it’s just a one off!

Original poster
ilovetomatoes · 15/02/2023 20:31

update. She was bossing some boy around apparently. That’s all I got.

Her behaviour much better today apparently until they were watching a movie this afternoon and she was not watching and was given a time out.

OP posts:
thecathasbeenfed · 15/02/2023 20:49

She was given a time out for not watching a movie?? Surely they had other activities available and they weren't expecting all the children to just sit and watch a film?

I'd look for another childcare option ASAP.

Original poster
ilovetomatoes · 15/02/2023 20:58

I’m a bit surprised they were watching a movie. It’s a pretty expensive holiday club £300 per week.

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 15/02/2023 21:06

ilovetomatoes · 15/02/2023 20:31

update. She was bossing some boy around apparently. That’s all I got.

Her behaviour much better today apparently until they were watching a movie this afternoon and she was not watching and was given a time out.

Blimey, she got told off/time out for not watching a film?

That's terrible. There should be more than one sedentary activity available at a holiday club. It's not nap time at nursery.

Supergirl1958 · 15/02/2023 21:37

Time out for not watching a film 🤦‍♀️. I used to run a play scheme, we’d have several things to choose from. Start to build all
this up and make complaints. £300 for the week is horrific for the service!! It’s more than £50 a day!!

eastegg · 15/02/2023 23:17

endoftheworldniteclub · 14/02/2023 19:38

You should have intervened when he was pulling the girl’s hair. Poor girl, not a single adult in that room she could trust to help her.

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The pp didn’t say anything about the sex of the two children. You might have guessed correctly, but it’s interesting that you just assume boy perpetrator and girl victim.

eastegg · 15/02/2023 23:33

RaychyR · 15/02/2023 17:23

This is a child we are talking about, not a 18 year old boy.
qMy 4 year is autistic and can struggle
socially, they desperately want to play but don’t quite know how to make that happen so can just follow kids around in their attempt to be part of things. Are you suggesting it would be ok for someone to be rude and nasty to them because they dont understand they have been rebuffed? Just because he’s a boy doesn’t make him some kind of future predator. We should be teaching our children tolerance of those who function in a different way not that it’s ok to lash out:

Totally agree. Horrible to talk about a 5 year old as ‘harassing’ another child just for following them. It’s what many kids do. Can’t believe a pp is saying it’s ok to teach a child to be nasty in return.

JustPoppinBy · 15/02/2023 23:47

A five year old was given a time
out for not watching a movie? That’s awful! There’s not many kids that age that could sit through a whole movie and as child care providers they should know that! Sorry op but it doesn’t sound like she’s being treated very nicely, please remove her from the setting! 😔

mustgetoffmn · 15/02/2023 23:48

Whatever happened you have the right to better complete details. Otherwise the accuser is not doing their job properly. What value this vagueness it just turns this into a situation that makes the leader themselves the nasty one. There should always be a point which can help parent to address child not just unprofessional pointless criticism. I’d raise this as a complaint

mustgetoffmn · 15/02/2023 23:54

Sorry posted before your update but it doesn’t change my reply. Additionally time out for not watching a movie?!!!you’re paying for not resorting to this as childcare in your own home!!! If you can find an alternative choose it. And complain it sounds like a bad set up

keeprunning55 · 16/02/2023 00:27

As a teacher I wouldn’t say a child was rude or nasty to someone else, but I would love to. Teachers tend to use other phrases.
Holiday clubs are run by anyone, rarely qualified teachers & they were probably saying it as it was. Don’t get upset with them-I would look closer to home and try and sort the main issue out.

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