DD age 5 described as rude and nasty by holiday club leader

[ilovetomatoes]

As the title says when I picked her up today the leader said this. She wasn’t listening, wouldn’t follow instructions when asked and was “nasty” to another kid ( no details given). I’m a bit shocked. I just said I would speak to her but I’ve never had such horrendous feedback before. The not listening thing for sure which we’ve spoken about but more annoying rather than rude?

I’ve sat her down and talked through how she needs to behave and follow instructions. Bit upset she was described as nasty tbh

Rubbish.

@RicardaPrycke

We has some lovely ones at dds old club but it just takes one or two very immature teens to cause concern
They don't understand they are supposed to model good behaviour or distract and help.

Is this the first time your child has been to this setting? The reason I ask is I once sent my children to a holiday camp. On collecting them the receptionist told me how terrible my child had been. How she had picked in another child, the list went on and on. This was the first time she had been to this setting and the first time she had met this lady.
I took my daughter home and asked what had happened. It wasn't remotely as the receptionist had told me. In fact my daughter hadn't actually done anything wrong. She hadn't picked in another child, the situation had been misunderstood and handled very poorly by the member of staff. She had presumed something when she didn't even know my child.

I had a conversation with her the next day. She later apologised to me and more importantly to my child.
My point is context is everything. Your child is still very young, I would be asking more questions.

I’d ask what she did that was ‘nasty’ to the other child? Some children do nasty things and it’s right to describe the action that way which is what this person did. And it is rude to not listen.

Shes 5. Keep talking to her about the right ways to behave. She’ll get there.

@RicardaPrycke

That's who are employed as sports coaches. The wage is awful. If you want someone more experienced or qualified then the cost of the club would rise significantly.

Don't be concerned. My son is huge in comparison to this little girl and his dad was sitting right next to him, handing him back the toys she took from him and physically removing her hands when she pulled on his bib and his hair.

I don't know what part of that post makes you think he was on his own or somehow neglected by every adult around?

But her parents seeing her do it and still letting it happen means they are scum in my opinion and we will be avoiding this family.

Exactly why the OP needs to check her kids behaviour. She is not aware of what happened as she wasn't there. But if her kid is actually being mean regularly then people will still be avoiding her kid and it will be a repeating pattern. The kid will have difficulties making friends or difficulties keeping friends and other adults will also try to keep their children away from the child.

I believe in cases like this you need to intervene. Children cannot advocate for themselves, a responsible adult should. It doesn’t have to be done in a way that makes anyone uncomfortable, most parents know their children aren’t perfect.

You've got it the wrong way round.
Of course 5 year olds can be rude. When a child gets to about 3 it becomes an issue of being rude rather than being a baby/ toddler. Nasty, of course they can be. That's a fact. They do usually listen - if it isn't an engaging talk and goes on for an unreasonable amount of time, attention will thin.
OP, hopefully she has a better day next time and doesn't bother any of the children. Nothing wrong with what was said- although they're probably surprised you didn't ask what happened. Have a talk, she can apologise to the child next time and listen!

Why didn’t I ask for details? She spoke to me at the door where parents collect. It wasn’t private, she used very strong language and I was shocked. My daughter was standing there next to me. It was an older lady not a teen. This is a very large holiday club group in london.

I coach junior sport extensively and have many kids who don’t listen or have the odd altercation. I have never ever described any of those kids as rude or their behaviour as nasty.

I am not defending poor behaviour from my DD. I am worried that an adult in her charge using this kind of language clearly dislikes her and how that will play out in how she is treated

What part of your post?

Their parents did nothing. However, I smiled and said nothing to the parents. As did everyone else.

It's very rare for a 5 year old to be rude and nasty, she sounds like a miserable old crow.

There isn't anything wrong with the language used. It was factual. She was rude and she was nasty.
I would have used horrible, but nasty isn't really a word I use. Same meaning. It is factual. It would have been said so you could have words and as long as there are no more issues, all will be well and forgotten about.

No it’s not.

I hate people who calls others “rude”. To me, that is rude.

Not read the full thread but I agree with @SofiaAmes and @Onnabugeisha .

‘’’I told DD that she made a very poor first impression and she needs to apologise properly to the leader tomorrow and make it right’’’

Does she understand that?
She’s 5

To be honest if I got that same feedback on my kids I'd be mortified, assume the holiday club leader was correct and give my kids a right telling off. I wouldn't automatically assume that the club leader was in the wrong. I'm amazed at the poor behaviour our teachers, carers etc have to tolerate with children these days and it's right they don't turn a blind eye to it.

Can you ask for a bit more detail in the morning? Say you were concerned after the leader felt compelled to use such strong language for a child, and you’d like to know the finer details so you can tackle it with your daughter. Once you know more, go from there.

Op..

People who know what a professional response would / should have been understand this ladies interaction was wrong.

I would certainly be asking her actual teacher about her in class, say you had some shocking feedback snd you would like her to be honest with you about her behaviour in general.

However op... I think you are right to be concerned about this lady. She isn't professional and I wouldn't want my dc there.

@PurpleFlower1983
The kid in question is not actually a kid it's a baby, mine, and obviously we did not leave him alone or let him get hurt.

He squinted in response to this little toddler girl hitting him because the size differential is substantial, despite her being a little older than him. He's tall and heavy and strong. She was frankly a little terror but not really a physical threat as we could see her little attacks barely got a response from him and my partner was physically removing her every time she did. But what exactly is it you expect a big man to be doing in response to someone else's little toddler?

Some useful feedback for the parents probably would have been hey why are you letting your kid be nasty to mine? He's younger than her, not walking and she is, she is taking advantage of this and continuously trying to take things from him - and luckily he's strong enough not to be physically hurt by any of it and nice enough not to try hit her back - why aren't you disciplining her or stopping her?
But we didn't give any feedback , which I think is fairly average as a response at my friend's baby's first birthday party. We protected our child and will avoid the other in future.

I wasn't sitting immediately next to my baby but noted the behaviour and that my son was fine and my partner perfectly capable of physically protecting him from a tiny toddler.

@Heatherbell1978 but surley you would either... Not be surprised because you have witnessed your dc behaviour at play and you already know there are issues 9r you would be surprised because you intimately know your dc and seen them react and behave in many play situations and it's out of character??

Your first post just insinuated you witnessed another child being continually tormented by another, no mention of the father being there or the age of the children. No one else needed to be involved as the child had a protector. Your first post suggested otherwise.

@endoftheworldniteclub
By their parents I meant the other kids parents. The first kids parents - us - responded by physically removing the child each time. Minimally physically intervention with another persons baby/toddler when that person is sitting right in front of us. I think that's reasonable.
I don't think saying "hey watch your child" or carrying the kid to the other side of the room or telling it off ourselves would have been nice at a party.

Sorry my post was so ambiguous. I excluded details I didn't see as relevant - the ages or genders of the babies or the location of the parents - because my only point was when kids are horrid people generally don't give you feedback they just avoid.

My DC are both very well behaved so I'd be surprised but I'd assume something had happened to make the adult make those comments in the first place. I know a lot of parents who are completely blind to their children's poor behaviour and take offence if they're called up on it.