DD age 5 described as rude and nasty by holiday club leader

[ilovetomatoes]

As the title says when I picked her up today the leader said this. She wasn’t listening, wouldn’t follow instructions when asked and was “nasty” to another kid ( no details given). I’m a bit shocked. I just said I would speak to her but I’ve never had such horrendous feedback before. The not listening thing for sure which we’ve spoken about but more annoying rather than rude?

I’ve sat her down and talked through how she needs to behave and follow instructions. Bit upset she was described as nasty tbh

Yeah, a bit different from Their parents did nothing. However, I smiled and said nothing to the parents. As did everyone else. 😂
The first post was just basically made up then.

This. At the very least I'd be getting to the bottom of exactly what has gone on and ensuring DD hasn't just been standing up for herself.

Heather I've seen enough children told off wrongly that I wouldn't assume anything esp of your children have a good track record.

I've also seen dc lash out with real violence with totally oblivious parents.

A teacher who is properly trained and see the dc every day I would trust more than this camp lady.

You are right in that, they don’t.

Hello, I have just got back today from working at a Supercamps and some of the children can be very nasty indeed.

We have had a lot of bullying today in the older class amongst children that dont know eachother. Little popular groups forming and excluding a child for no reason.

A lot of the children do not listen at all and talk under their breath at you and take the piss. I was there today thinking inwouod never bring my kids here.

One of them has a physical disability and I could see exactly how horrible they would be.

I would take massive issue with anyone who said my child had behaved in a way they perceived as ‘nasty’. I don’t like that word used in the context of children and I would find it difficult (nigh impossible actually) to reconcile that description with my own children - they’re not perfect but they are children. I would have definitely asked the holiday leader what had happened to warrant that description and I would be thinking about whether or not to send my child back tomorrow - either to protect my own child or others if it was in fact the case that my child had behaved poorly.

It's not if they've been used to behaving that way at home. People have different ideas of what constitutes being rude.

5 is very young and 5 year olds are still developing listening skills, social skills and the ability to self-regulate. They do often need adults to model and referee interactions and to gently guide them to make good choices.

I wouldn't want to leave my DC with a staff member who gives feedback like that, as I'd question if they had a clue about what makes children of that age tick. It might be true of an older child, but hardly appropriate to describe a 5yo on her own for the first day in an unfamiliar environment.

Completely agree.

Being told your dd was nasty to another child is not the same as being told she 'is nasty.' The phrasing might have been incentive (I can see how nasty feels a bit strong.) 5 year olds can be unkind to each other, which is perfectly normal! Could you get any further details so you can talk to your dd about what happened and address it?

Op doesn’t know what child done so no idea whether she was nasty. Speaking to parents isn’t usually done lightly. If your child was only one having behaviour spoken about then I’d definitely want more info to try and see what had gone on. It might be overreacting or misunderstanding or it might be your dc has done something you need to know about.

I think I would have to ask more questions. Your DD says that a boy was following her around? Perhaps she didn’t want him to and told him so - was this perhaps how she was ‘nasty’? Some people still seem to think that little girls should be ‘nice’ to everyone no matter how they feel about it. Definitely I would need to know more.

I know such feedback is not nice to hear but it's important to address your daughters behaviour.

I once told a mother that her daughter had been 'fooling about' in my lesson, she then went to the Head and complained I'd called her daughter a fool. Luckily he didn't accept her view.

A holiday club has little incentive to be honest to you about your child's behaviour. In fact childcare whatever the setting its an unspoken rule that being honest about bad behavior is generally bad for business.

So it speaks volumes that you were told that today. Also that nobody has said it before is not definitive proof that she is or is not badly behaved in the past.

I think for the childcare provider to actually have said something indicates your child's behaviour was excessively bad today.

I would want to know if my child was being nasty to another child and not listening tbh. Truth sometimes hurts.

Try not to take this personally. All kids go through an unkind nasty stage. It's all part of learning to be kind.

Yep.

I am childcare trained. You all beat me to it.

Massive difference here.

Yes yes and yes 👍

As poster has already said, Holiday Clubs are all about getting bums on seats otherwise they cant run (so I think they let things go that perhaps a teacher wouldn’t and I think they accept its the holidays when kids do go abit wild too). I think it must have been fairly rude for them to talk to you. You’ve done the right thing talking to your daughter and if another child was winding her up/following her, just ask your daughter to tell the staff straight away. She is 5 so old enough to say if theres a problem.

She is only 5. You need more information. Why were you given such negative feedback. You need to find out more so you can work on it. Maybe she is bossy and headstrong and it’s the staff member with the issue. But if she is being unkind you need to teach her other options.

Wrong choice of word by the leader…unkind is better

You definitely need to establish what the nasty behaviour was. Nasty could be a harsh word or she could genuinely have been nasty. It’s a strong word yes but sadly yes kids can be nasty, not just “unkind”. They don’t have the filter or the empathy yet.

Find out the behaviour and go from there. It doesn’t sound like it was fed to you well but going on the defensive of harsh words isn’t going to help. The amount of parents I see at school who brush off or even chuckle at the comment of their child not listening is actually quite disturbing and worrying for the future. It will stop being cute before long.

One minor thing to note is that quite often these clubs are run by students or people who don’t work with kids outside the holidays. Not all, and not saying this is bad. But thinking back to the days when I worked at one during my school holidays and uni holidays, as did many others my age….also might not have the “feedback filter” so to speak, ie the knowledge about how to phrase things a bit more professionally. Decode “your child was very very lively today” for example. It means said child wouldn’t calm down! No disrespect to holiday club staff, I was one.

Yeeeeeouch, that must have been hard to hear OP. Rather than get defensive, see this as a learning opportunity. You admit there are aspects of your child's behaviour that are unacceptable and that need to be worked on. You can't bury your head in the sand about that. Correct, correct, correct. Just because she did something that WAS nasty, that doesn't mean she IS or will be in future, a nasty person. She is young enough that behaviour is not embedded yet and she can improve with good behaviour management. Not listening is rude, no matter how much anyone tries to doll it up.

It doesn't sound like the leaders have enough training to handle difficult children. I wouldn't send her back there. You do have a problem.