Is it possible to emulate private school education if you have motivated parents on a budget?!

[Explodingatomickittens]

Can't afford private school, dd year 6 & ds year old 5... What extracurriculars do private schools provide? What are the main differences & how can we compansate?

You can’t emulate it. However, if your child wishes to do extra curricular activities, then why don’t you ask them what they would enjoy doing and support that.

A grammar school

Talk to them all the time, conversations about what is going on around them, take it to a deeper level, not just what tee-shirt do they like when choosing clothes, but where was it made, what was it made of, how where the workers treated, why should we care?

Keep a cheap globe by the TV, and look up every country mentioned

Be active in the community with them - take them on litter picks, demonstrations, explain why every time

Expose them to music and art, and follow their interests and preferences

music lessons do not need to be one-to-one, they can start an instrument in a group and see how they like it

Sport, what ever is cheapest, sporting skills are transferable if they find another sport they are more interested in later on, My football crazy son started his sporting life at free basketball sessions put on by the local council in school holidays.

Teach them to be articulate, teach them complicated adult words, dont just talk down to them, help them find the right word if they are struggling.

Teach them to talk clearly, and stand tall and look people in the eye, and smile

I don't think it's necessarily the most helpful thing to think in terms of trying to emulate a private school. Just be as invested in their education as you possibly can, and be prepared to allocate time and money to any extra curriculars they have an interest in (e.g. are they sporty, musical, arty...?) Make sure they have all the educational resources they need, a good and quiet working space at home, and that you (and their dad, if relevant) take the time to discuss schoolwork with them, support them in any difficulties, and make clear that you value their education.

Agree with everything Nimbo says.

Keep on the mailing lists for theatre, music, art, dance, opera and look out for low cost tickets.

There are a ton of amazing performances on YouTube. Model the concentration required to actually focus on a full length concert or dance piece.

If you can scrape up any religious feeling - start going to a place of worship that has music. My music education was mostly via 8 years of church choir.

What sort of parents are you already?

And what sort of environment do your children inhabit?

All the advice above is excellent - but it will be much easier to follow it if you’re already actively involved in intellectual and cultural pursuits and feel comfortable between the covers of a book, wandering around an art gallery, attending free concerts at a conservatoire, debating political issues at the dining table, striding across the countryside …

And there are obviously different challenges if you’re in the middle of a wealthy city or in an isolated hamlet with little transport.

One thing that’s useful is to involve friends and family outside your immediate household - ensure your children absorb a range of positive influences and enjoy what might be called ‘aspirational’ experiences from a young age in the company of other adults. Let them spend plenty of time with aunts, cousins, godparents who have interests and expertise beyond your own - whether birdwatching or dressmaking or representing clients in court.

And don’t stint on books.

What is it you admire about public school that you want your children to experience?

it seems an unusual aim

One of the key things private schools often build is confidence in communication and public speaking.
if Dc are interested, drama groups, public speaking, LAMDA, etc can really build communication skills. There are lots of extra curricular classes- languages, art, sport, martial art- build on their interests and skills.

I like @Nimbostratus100 post but sad that a lot of this isn't just actually considered parenting skills

OP, very little of what people find appealing about private education has much to do with education as such. It’s generally a farrago of poorly-thought-through class aspirationalism, a fear of contact with children you consider socially or behaviourally beneath your own, an ability to delegate some aspects of parenting to school, and an exposure to class-appropriate ‘nice friends’ and ‘genteel’ pursuits that you feel will advantage your average offspring. Oh, and a notion of ‘getting what you pay for’. It’s the appeal of the VIP lounges most people are debarred from. The idea it’s there, conferring its ‘advantage’ acts as a spur.

Clever children will do well anywhere.

Private schools are not automatically better than state schools. What is it exactly about a private education that you want to emulate? What do your local private schools offer (or what do you perceive that they offer) that your local state schools don't?

It's certainly possible for kids to get every bit as good an education in the state sector as they would in the private sector, but you need to know what you're aiming for.

As you asked this question, I think you are probably already an involved parent.

It depends on your child to an extent. One of my children is curious and interested and is so easy to chat to about everything and anything. My other child, despite being in the same household, while being a far more easy going child generally, has very limited interest in anything. DC2 does a lot of extra curricular activities but complains about all of them..

The main obstacle is DC2's lack of interest in reading. For that reason, I think the priority should be reading above everything else.

The main benefits of a good private school are:
1.high quality teaching
2.small classes
3.decent cohort
4.clear ethos/values
5.cultural capital/sport

You can get 1, 3 and 4 in some state schools but difficult to compensate for at home if the school doesn’t have them. 5 you can do yourself but it’s a lot of effort.

This is a bit of a weird question. What do private schools offer? Usually:

• smaller class sizes which CAN be a benefit for children in terms of more attention from teacher etc (quality of teaching is random and totally depends on school). To replicate this, you'd probably need to engage tutors outside of school hours but that comes with downsides.
• Additional facilities and extra curricular activities: you can replicate this by doing extra curricular yourself. It is expensive and also very time consuming when you are not leaving the school to largely manage it.
• Contacts and confidence in social skills: difficult to replicate but I guess if you do things like look for extra curricular groups that attract private school crowds etc you might achieve this but it will be limited.
• Travel/ exposure to wide variety of art/culture/sports etc: you can replicate this at home.

Personally, I see lots of benefits to (good) private schools but with the possible exception of access to lots of other rich people with connections etc, which is something private schools DO excel at, the rest can be done without a school and is often already happening at good state schools.

OP, very little of what people find appealing about private education has much to do with education as such.

Clever children will do well anywhere.

Hmm … You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. How can you possibly know what my family’s motivation is for choosing one school over another? And how can you even begin to imagine the challenges that might have derailed our ‘clever child’s’ educational experience?

I'm sorry, I thin this is absolute rubbish. It MIGHT be true in SOME cases but it is not universally true. Plus all of these things are absolutely possible at good state schools.

Also what does "decent cohort" mean? Quite frankly, that's why I am very happy we decided NOT to send our DC to private school. There is no doubt that the children I know at private school have all kinds of advantages, not least of which is that, for example, ALL their friends parents have high powered/high profile/high paid jobs and down the line there will be opportunities for internships and relationship building and all the rest. But it doesn't make the cohort "decent". That's so offensive.

This

but ….. it’s also about opportunities. So do make sure you and your DC are open to proactively seeking out and grabbing opportunities for enrichment , trips, work experience, in and out of school. These are available on a plate to many at independent schools, those 93% of kids in state schools have to be a bit more creative to find them!

LOL at decent cohort. <Snort>

Agreed

You can't overestimate the benefits that singing in a (proper) church choir can give you.
DS1 is currently at National Opera Studiio as a repetiteur, DS2 is an organ scholar at Oxford Uni.
Both state school educated throughout. Both started their musical education in church choirs.
Musical performance is also brilliant for building confidence.

Rubbish.

Clever children do not achieve their full potential 'anywhere'. SOME do better than their classmates and this is seen as 'doing well'. SOME do really well. But clever children absolutely do not do well 'anywhere'.

Some clever children will thrive in any environment.

However, I agree that being clever isn't always enough. Some kids lack intrinsic motivation and need to be in a pushier environment to succeed.

I'm really not convinced that clever children will do well anywhere. But more importantly, the reality is that a lot of privately educated children who are AVERAGE will do very well in future life. And that is where private education can stand out. It's not to do with the education itself really but more to do with how that private school education gives them a sort of "gilding" that many state school children don't. It's the fact that they get confidence and a network that sets them up for the future. Often, just the name of the school opens doors for them. If they're not that great academically, additional resources are built in. If they're into sport, they'll get to play with the best facilities and against the best teams (again, expanding their network). The social skills and capital they'll build will be immense and that is why private school children, even the most mediocre (see the bulk of our politicians) do well.

Part of me would like that for my children. Part of me hates the very idea of that level of pomposity and privilege.

In fact, to take my earlier comment a step further, I'd far rather spend the money to live in an area with great state schools, pay for cultural and other opportunities etc independently, even though I know that my children won't get the "network" because I can replicate everything else a private school gives and even if it means my children won't have ALL the same advantages, they have a higher chance of being nicer, more rounded people.

I think more than one ex public school friend would highlight-
Create a competitive hierarchy within the children of the house. Give them over generous titles such as head boy and encourage superiority rather than team work.
Talk about the opposite sex in very traditional ways. View marriage as a business transaction, looks, youth, family money &connections- leverage these assets and over state with confidence.
Use U and non U language, encourage sniggering when others use terms like homework rather than prep

Good at sewing or be prepared to buy in. Make them do textiles apparently that's an easy A at public school because the staff lend a hand.

I do agree that private schools typically add more value for kids who are academically average, who probably benefit from smaller class sizes, more attention etc. And also for kids who are naturally a bit lazy/lacking in self motivation, who benefit from being in a pushy environment. And finally for those who are lacking in self confidence etc, who benefit from opportunities to be pushed outside of their comfort zone etc.

However, I think there are plenty of other ways in which parents can address the above issues if they choose to do so. Private school is just one option amongst many.