Is it possible to emulate private school education if you have motivated parents on a budget?!

[Explodingatomickittens]

Can't afford private school, dd year 6 & ds year old 5... What extracurriculars do private schools provide? What are the main differences & how can we compansate?

I'm sure that education at the small number of really exclusive top private schools does open doors and give you some connections. But as I understand, an education at the great majority of normal or "average" local private schools ("St. Custard's School For Girls, High Wycombe") is unlikely to give you better results than a decent state school once parental income and education level is factored in.

I would choose a state school in a good area, do lots of reading and educational days out, watch the news and educational TV as a family, and get a tutor in for any areas where they are weak or seem to be struggling. Not sure there is any great mystique to any of this.

I would make a point of making sure my kids got plenty of geography and history stuff at home, because I do think the English school curriculum is a bit haphazard in this regard.

Similar background here. Interesting how you frame your DH in this interaction. As though he sees beyond your class background to the real you. It reads like you had to prove yourself, to show how you are not what society thinks kids from bad comps are. I wonder if you had the same power to judge who he was?

Yes I thought this.

I wonder if you had the same power to judge who he was?

I’m sorry, I don’t understand this sentence.

Our all girls state school is packed with doctors / lawyers / tertiary educated parents kids. Results are as good as the private. Buildings are lovely. Dds have nice friends and are happy. Really don’t get what we’re missing bar possibly sport - private definitely do more but both mine do that out of school anyway. If state option were different wouldn’t rule it out but seems an unjustifiable outlay for us.

You don't sound as though you are missing anything! Why not just accept you are lucky enough to live in the catchment of a very leafy sounding affluent state school and let those who don't get on with educating their kids the best way they can?

No worries.

It’s about judgement and whose judgements really count. Privileged backgrounds tend to afford the confidence to not even think about class background and what this means. Whereas the OP says she has no hang ups about background but also talks about her mother being intelligent.

A person from a privileged background likely wouldn’t think about framing their family this way because they wouldn’t have to disprove a stereotype. It shows an understanding of what society perceives working class women to be (not intelligent) and a desire to demonstrate distance from this.

Working class women and girls are often disempowered through stereotypes and representations and gain some power through proving they are not the stereotype. But this is dependent on the judgment of others.

Ime let them take part in lots of sports, interest in current affairs (when old enough and age appropriate), encourage them to be confident enough to speak to adults, give them a chance to do public speaking (local drama classes), encourage debating/lateral thinning skills

can dl the above on a budget using resources online, free activities, radio on during car rides etc

UpUpandAwol

Thank you for explaining.

DS's fiancée attended a good local boarding school as a day pupil. From what she says I think the biggest advantage was the class size, a maximum of 15 per class. Now it's the links formed there with other pupils that help in life that shows.

Her parents could afford to send her there and even well into adulthood they gift her far more than the school fees per year. Being from a wealthy family has given her a life she doesn't pay for or earn, unlike DS. I don't necessarily see this as an advantage because everything that can be bought comes so easily to her. For example she has a £50,000 car that was a gift and her parents pay all of the costs associated with it, including fuel.

I think you can give your children a great education away from the private sector but you can't naturally replicate the links they make and the confidence it gives. I think it's also doubtful you could give your children the financial advantages they have going forward because if you could you'd probably be easily able to send them there in the first place.

Sorry I'm here alright! Catching up on the post now, I work evenings & had a hectic night so I didn't have a chance to read... Apologies! @palygold no I didn't look into bursaries. We would still have pay a percentage & that would be our holiday fund depleted!

This

We're not in a grammer area unfortunately.

I'm sorry if that's how it comes across because it wasn't like that at all. I don't know how else to frame it. I just know that dd went from quite a judgemental position in Year 7 to a much more nuanced and open-minded stance by Year 11, as she really got to know people from backgrounds that were very different from her own. She had encountered a wealth of ethnic diversity at primary school, but very little socioeconomic diversity. She had existed in a little middle class bubble, if you like, and in the early days of secondary school, she had a tendency to judge people who didn't quite conform to her middle class expectations. Over the years at secondary school, she inevitably got to know people much better and to see things from a much broader range of perspectives. She became good friends with some of the kids who she had initially put in the "too different from me" category. She learned not to judge too quickly.

That gradual broadening of understanding and perspective was something that I personally valued very highly in her education. However, I recognise that not everyone will place the same emphasis on developing that kind of understanding and awareness, and I also appreciate that going to a comprehensive school is not the only way of developing these attributes. It is simply our personal experience.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I agree. It's not that private schools are filled with mean obnoxious people, but the opportunities to really understand a wider variety of people is limited.

There's a girl in DS year who is always late for school - I often see her as I'm coming back from dropping primary DD at school. I asked DS about it and he said, "yes, she's got 5 younger sisters and brothers so she's often late because her mum needs her help to get them ready." I'm pleased that he already understands that her tardyness is more complex than her just being a bit lazy.

Why would a private school kid assume she was lazy? If they knew her circumstances they would understand as well.

Absolutely, just foster a sense of entitlement and privilege, combined with a tendency to take over entire public spaces when with friends.

Rather take over a space than sit resentfully and bitterly in the corner!

MsMarch · Yesterday 15:47
haha, the private school children I know aren't naturally motivated

Sorry, the snobbiness of "well, it's just not as bad in a private school" is bollocks. Plus, private school rich parents are just as bad at not seeing the reality of shitty b ehaviou from their precious darlings as the rest. Believe me.

For a start, state schools vary widely so please don't lump them all together.

MsMarch you obviously spend a lot of time with privately educated children since you know so much about them and their schools. Since you hate them and everything they stand for, why do you spend so much time with them?

Also, you are happy to make plenty of generalisations about private schools yet you jump on anyone who does the same for state schools.

Thank you! All this is doable!

I have to say there is a lot of judgement all round in here. We know lots of private school children despite ours being state educated. This is largely because we socialise and get involved in things away from school. And yes, the matter comes up, not because people ask whether other's children are state or privately educated, but because people tend to ask which schools other children attend. In terms of knowing which type of schooling parents had, many privately educated have mentioned boarding in discussions, or perhaps a contexts which led them to attend a particular type of school. Just the other day I asked a mum I know reasonably well whether her husband attended the catchment school we are all looking at, knowing he was one of the few local parents. She simple said, no, he went to x (local indie) and the conversation moved on.

in terms of whether these kids think themselves better than others, unfortunately that seems relatively common round here. We live in an affluent commuter village and I see such attitudes in both private and state children. Interestingly, I also see the opposite in both state and privately educated children (& parents)

What’s your point, @Equimum ?

This is nothing like private school. Honestly.

can you articulate what you wish to achieve? My child was privately educated, the key benefits were small class sizes , I think the biggest ever was 16, each class having a ta, and also staff who came in to read with the kids, also much more one to one tailored tuition especially as they reached the senior years. The school,also had full materials to support the children, from educational to paint supplies. University and career path advice was very tailored and supportive.

they also had a wide range of clubs if someone wanted to avail but honestly that’s not the major differentiator , but it is there.

manners, inc table manners are taught with teachers sitting with the kids at lunch, and good handwriting also a key part.

individual reporting back is a major part on where a child is performing, where they need support and how the school will support.

also there are a lot of misconceptions of private school , the kids who go are often from a wide range of families, from the wealthy to the teachers kids to those on bursaries or scholarships and those whose parents skint themselves to pay it. If anything the benefit is it makes children equally as comfortable across Folks from across much of the financial spectrum. It’s not all skiing and baying.

if I was going to emulate it, I’d use tutors to support my child in more one ti one tailored tuition and encourage them to explore different interests through different clubs, be it music, to learning a different language to sports

I’d also add that poster is basically saying ban tech and make them do sports they don’t like. Tech has a place in a child’s life, it teaches a lot of skills. But it’s up to you to teach self regulation. And forcing a child to do a sport they dislike is a sure fire way to have a miserable child and turn them off sport for life.

Speech and drama, debating as extra curriculars - develops confidence to speak out / up and properly project voice