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Original poster

Is it possible to emulate private school education if you have motivated parents on a budget?!

177 replies

Explodingatomickittens · 09/02/2023 10:24

Can't afford private school, dd year 6 & ds year old 5... What extracurriculars do private schools provide? What are the main differences & how can we compansate?

OP posts:
Tirednest · 09/02/2023 15:14

MsMarch · 09/02/2023 15:10

Attended a private school and I don't remember any fights happening (albeit yes there was bullying)

Of course, becuase severe bullying is SOOOO Much better than physical fights? Also, let's not forget that some of he worst historical cases of long term sexual abuse were in private boarding schools.

Sorry, the snobbiness of "well, it's just not as bad in a private school" is bollocks. Plus, private school rich parents are just as bad at not seeing the reality of shitty b ehaviou from their precious darlings as the rest. Believe me.

I'd say bullying is definitely worse in our local state, without question. For a start there seem to be a group of parents who've started a Facebook group about it as they don't feel listened to by the school. Luckily bullying doesn't seem to be a thing in dds school, perhaps she's very lucky with the cohort.

carmenitapink · 09/02/2023 15:14

@MsMarch no severe bullying at all because fee paying parents would lose their shit and march into school if their kid was getting bullied.

Anyway I'm not saying all state schools are terrible, just that these are some of the things that private school parents are trying to pay for.

Travellers who behave like that don't tend to send their child to private school is all I mean, that's the reality of it.

MsMarch · 09/02/2023 15:16

carmenitapink · 09/02/2023 15:14

@MsMarch no severe bullying at all because fee paying parents would lose their shit and march into school if their kid was getting bullied.

Anyway I'm not saying all state schools are terrible, just that these are some of the things that private school parents are trying to pay for.

Travellers who behave like that don't tend to send their child to private school is all I mean, that's the reality of it.

Honestly, I think you're terribly naive. The worst type of bullying is the type that's just not seen or understood. Just like sexual abuse is usually not seen. Doesn't mean it's not happening.

It's absolutely true that the exact type of people from that video are unlikely to be in a private school, but to assume therefore that shitty behaviour doesn't happen in private schools is just wishful thinking.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Primary education Private schooling
Perfect28 · 09/02/2023 15:16

Yes absolutely. An engaged parent can teach a curriculum in less than half the time a school could, i would say.

Greyfelt · 09/02/2023 15:16

Encourage music - a brain-stretching and confidence-increasing hobby which will stay with them for life and provide them with a ready-made social circle. Put them in a church choir and let them take part in amateur musical theatre. Pay for music lessons in an orchestral instrument that appeals to them and is not too difficult to learn. Brass instruments are great if you have a brass band near you, as they provide free training and concerts.

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 15:17

Why would you want to?! Do your own thing

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 15:18

MsMarch · 09/02/2023 15:16

Honestly, I think you're terribly naive. The worst type of bullying is the type that's just not seen or understood. Just like sexual abuse is usually not seen. Doesn't mean it's not happening.

It's absolutely true that the exact type of people from that video are unlikely to be in a private school, but to assume therefore that shitty behaviour doesn't happen in private schools is just wishful thinking.

Show quote history

Ah yes, the magical completely invisible bullying that means the private school child doesn't even know they are being bullied but they must be because it's a private school and you knew someone once who went to one.

ExistenceOptional · 09/02/2023 15:21

You can't get them the contacts that top private schools nurture.
Oh I think I can deliver PPE even though my business has never done that. Lets phone up my old friend from school who is now the Health Secretary.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/02/2023 15:21

carmenitapink · 09/02/2023 15:07

@MsMarch bullying and shitty behaviour yes - kids getting attacked at school / playground fights, not really.

Attended a private school and I don't remember any fights happening (albeit yes there was bullying)

At uni, was shocked that a number of people from secondary state schools in big cities talked about pretty violent incidents and fights both during school hours, but especially after school.

Perhaps my school was unique, but physical fighting is rare at private schools as it results in an immediate expulsion.

Whereas I was shocked at uni by the extent of drug taking amongst my privately educated peers. Not to mention the number of eating disorders and other mental health issues. I had not really encountered these issues extensively in my state comprehensive.

And fwiw, I don't recall ever seeing a physical fight at secondary school either. My dd did witness one, and the perpetrators were either excluded or given a managed move to another school.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 15:23

I had not really encountered these issues extensively in my state comprehensive

Really?

MsMarch · 09/02/2023 15:25

Oh my god, you didn't even understand that the "unseen" bullying was referring to unseen by the adults involved?

Have you ever read any of the many accounts from private school educated people who talk about how they were isolated, attacked, bullied et but didn't feel they could talk about it or tell their parents or teachers? How hazing and indoctrination and initiation rituals damaged them for life? Have you read any of the stories about long term sexual abuse, most notably in boys boarding schools?

NONE of this was known to the parents. Or at least, I bloody well hope not as otherwise the parents are as much part of the problem.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/02/2023 15:25

I disagree quite strongly that private schools instill confidence.

What they do undoubtedly teach is how to exude an air of confidence, but from what I have observed, it is often little more than a veneer. Beneath that veneer, the privately educated people I know have just as many insecurities as anyone else. As a parent, I was more interested in instilling genuine confidence rather than merely the appearance of it.

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 15:25

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/02/2023 15:25

I disagree quite strongly that private schools instill confidence.

What they do undoubtedly teach is how to exude an air of confidence, but from what I have observed, it is often little more than a veneer. Beneath that veneer, the privately educated people I know have just as many insecurities as anyone else. As a parent, I was more interested in instilling genuine confidence rather than merely the appearance of it.

😅😅😅

bestbefore · 09/02/2023 15:27

this thread is so funny - the OP @Explodingatomickittens just drops the thread and never returns - stirring it all up! What a weird Q though.

theworldhas · 09/02/2023 15:28

Research shows that peer influence is massive, and the impact of it increases as children get older. In light of that (and also my gut feeling as a parent and teacher who’s worked in public and private setting) I think replicating the fee paying school “experience” is quite easy in the primary school years, but probably much more difficult in the secondary years - unless of course you live in a wealthy area and attend a very good state school.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/02/2023 15:32

Tirednest · 09/02/2023 15:23

I had not really encountered these issues extensively in my state comprehensive

Really?

Yes really. Not saying that there was no drug taking but actually very little. Lots of alcohol and cigarettes though.

And as for eating disorders, I knew one girl at my state secondary who was almost certainly anorexic. There was a much greater prevalence of this amongst the privately educated people I met at uni, and indeed, amongst the friendship group of the girl I spent my gap year with, who had gone to a very prestigious boarding school. I think my existence had been incredibly sheltered in comparison to hers.

I'm not trying to argue from this that eating disorders, drug problems etc don't exist in the state sector, or even that these issues are more prevalent in the private sector. That would be ridiculous because this was just my experience and anecdote obviously isn't data. But it would be equally ridiculous to suggest that private schools don't have problems with behaviour too.

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 15:34

God my state educated Dd aged 14 is at the heart of the private school party set in our small city really not sure this is a particularly good thing…Guess she’s getting this famous “peer influence” for free but I have my doubts !

palygold · 09/02/2023 15:37

bestbefore · 09/02/2023 15:27

this thread is so funny - the OP @Explodingatomickittens just drops the thread and never returns - stirring it all up! What a weird Q though.

Oh, they haven't returned? Hmm
I tagged them a short while ago to ask if they'd looked into scholarships and bursaries.

theworldhas · 09/02/2023 15:37

While the "decent cohort" may sound offensive

Replace “decent” with motivated and there isn’t really any arguing with it. That’s they key difference between an average fee paying school and an average state school when all is said and done, certainly at secondary level. The former will have 90% of the class highly motivated and ready to learn, with a couple of kids also motivated but with some obstacles to overcome such as English as a second language or whatever. While the average state school will have say 40% highly motivated and ready to learn, 20% readyish though sometimes lazy/disruptive, 20% motivated but struggling with the language and/or learning difficulties and 10% highly disruptive.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/02/2023 15:38

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 15:34

God my state educated Dd aged 14 is at the heart of the private school party set in our small city really not sure this is a particularly good thing…Guess she’s getting this famous “peer influence” for free but I have my doubts !

I can understand that. A number of my uni friends and former colleagues have kids of around the same age as my dd, going to some pretty big name private schools. They are certainly not all studious types who spend all their free time doing model MUN etc.Wink Their parties make dd and her friends look very tame!Grin

theworldhas · 09/02/2023 15:39

Ok that doesn’t add up to 100%, I blame my teachers.

TheaBrandt · 09/02/2023 15:40

This is what I am worried about! The private school ones are worse! Dd offered to tidy up after the last party the mum said “oh don’t worry darling the staff will do that” ha! Not in our house sadly!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/02/2023 15:40

theworldhas · 09/02/2023 15:37

While the "decent cohort" may sound offensive

Replace “decent” with motivated and there isn’t really any arguing with it. That’s they key difference between an average fee paying school and an average state school when all is said and done, certainly at secondary level. The former will have 90% of the class highly motivated and ready to learn, with a couple of kids also motivated but with some obstacles to overcome such as English as a second language or whatever. While the average state school will have say 40% highly motivated and ready to learn, 20% readyish though sometimes lazy/disruptive, 20% motivated but struggling with the language and/or learning difficulties and 10% highly disruptive.

Yes, but most state schools set by ability, so the motivated dc who work hard will rarely have that much contact with the kids who are really disruptive, unless they are at quite a low level academically. As I said above, I do think that private education can add value for those kids who aren't very academic, not least because it gets them away from the more disruptive kids. For kids in the higher sets, disruption isn't generally an issue.

theworldhas · 09/02/2023 15:45

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

Look at our exPMs - often on the piss etc. Bottom line - it’s not so much what they do - it’s how they think and sell themselves (the networks help too of course). Boris Johnson has infamously been a lazy sod who likes a drink since he was a teenager. But at any of his parties he would have told you that despite not putting in the work etc he would rise to the top. It’s about aspirations and network more than anything. The bright state school pupil will work their ass off to a six figure salary, while their equivalent at a public school will sprinkle some bullshit over their more modest effort and find a way to a million.

MsMarch · 09/02/2023 15:47

haha, the private school children I know aren't naturally motivated. They're motivated because that's expected and if they don't make it, they'll be kicked out. Also, rich parents with children who are less bright/less motivated probably send them to different schools or different types of private schools becuase they won't get into the big name private schools. I know a couple of families with children at private schools where one child is at the more traditional private school and one is at a lower-level private school or even state school.