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Original poster

DD hates swimming lessons with school..

209 replies

canthurryup · 08/02/2023 06:49

Daughter is 9 years old and recently started swimming with school. She hates it. It has got to the point now where she cries the night before begging me not to let her go, she is sick waking in the nigh. I have discussed with teacher who have said it's part of the curriculum so she has to do it.
She has it fhis morning and has been waking throughout the night and being sick this morning. WIbU to keep her off school because school are not interested in helping.

OP posts:
monitor1 · 08/02/2023 06:51

Does she have some sort of SEN? If not then I think you need to gently explain that it's part of the school day and she has to do it. What doesn't she like about it?

Original poster
canthurryup · 08/02/2023 06:54

No SEN. She doesn't like getting changed, wearing a costume. The actually lessons. Although she can swim and has had private lessons herself

OP posts:
legalseagull · 08/02/2023 06:55

This isn't normal and you shouldn't encourage it by allowing her to take days off. You need to establish what it is she doesn't like and work on that issue with her. Can you take her swimming yourself as well?

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TeenDivided · 08/02/2023 06:56

If she was sick this morning, then she can't go in according to 24/48 hr rules, surely?

legalseagull · 08/02/2023 06:56

Can she go to school with her costume under her uniform? Then use a towel robe for privacy getting changed

TeenDivided · 08/02/2023 06:57

Is she smaller / larger / more developed than the others?
Is there communal changing?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 08/02/2023 06:58

What are you expecting the school to do?

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 08/02/2023 06:58

OP I could have written this about my DD when she was in Year 4 (now a grown adult!) She was very bright, neurotypcial, robust, not sensitive in any other part of life. But she just detested the lessons and had really worked herself into a proper state about them, like you say she would be sobbing for the 2/3 days before them, actually making herself sick with the crying.
How many weeks of them has she got? She normally had fantastic attendance and we ourselves work in education so really do understand the importance of that. But in the end I think we did end up keeping her at home with ‘illness’ on 2 or 3 of the 8 week course. I also wrote a note one week saying she had an ear infection so she couldn’t get into the pool. Reading this back I do worry it makes us sound like one of those troublesome families but honestly it was so out of character for DD who was usually so easygoing and loved school, I just couldn’t let it carry on.

Switchwitch · 08/02/2023 06:59

Having been a 9yo myself (a looooong) time ago, I'd put money on it being different developmental states of the girls in the changing room. Perhaps she feels exposed and different to the other girls (I remember at that age very much noticing that I was getting hips and the other girls were all skinny as a rake) Can you buy her a changing robe so she can maintain her privacy?

Cosycover · 08/02/2023 07:00

I wouldn't make her go. I'd just tell the school the truth.
Shes had private lessons. She can swim. What benefit is there to sending her?

Needmorelego · 08/02/2023 07:01

Short term solution - Don't send her in with her swimming kit - that way they can't insist she swims.
Then you need to find out the reason why.
It could be many reasons - the changing in front of others, having to be in a part of the pool where her feet don't touch the bottom, getting splashed in the face....
I frequently refused to go swimming at primary school because I hated the deep part of the pool.
At 9 years old there may be some girls who have started their periods so the school should have a plan for what to do with a child who can't go swimming.
During my swimming refusal days it was me and another child who didn't go (he had epilepsy) and we were basically sent to 'help' in the infant's class. We were sometimes joined by another girl which now when I look back it was probably because she had started her periods.

HotPotInASpot · 08/02/2023 07:01

I think you need to dig down into why, exactly, she doesn’t like getting changed, wearing a costume and the actual lessons. Has someone made comments about her body? Is she noticeably worse at swimming than the rest of the class?

It’s ridiculous to allow her to have the day off school if it’s a simple case of her not wanting to do it though.

AutisticLegoLover · 08/02/2023 07:02

Poor lass. Can she pinpoint what it is she doesn't like? Is it the getting changed perhaps? Does she have any body image issues? Do they teach differently at the pool the school use? My ds is learning in a different county to the school pool and they use totally different teaching. He starts next term but I remember from my girls that it is different. It's going to be confusing. How well does she swim? Is she confident in the water.
Whatever the cause the teachers need to be supporting her. It's not just a case of she doesn't like going, it's making her physically ill. I'm a big believer in pushing through but this is beyond that.
I hope you get to the bottom of it and school support herFlowers

otterlyr · 08/02/2023 07:02

I don't think running away from it is the answer - sometimes in life we have to do some things we don't like, so it's a good hurdle for her to overcome if she can, but she obviously needs support.

It's concerning that she hates the changing room part so much that it makes her cry and get into such a state about going. I would be trying to dig into that to be honest. Has someone said something to her about her body? Or is she just feeling self conscious? If so, why? Are the girls being left to their own devices and making comparisons or something - if so, could the teachers instigate a 'silent changing' rule?

I think it needs a bit more exploring in a gentle way. 9 is a difficult age but she shouldn't be feeling this bad about her body.

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 08/02/2023 07:03

Also to mention that even the few weeks we forced DD to just get on with it resulted in her having a phobia of swimming pools that she did not overcome until last year (!!!!) with very expensive private swimming lessons and therapy. She used to love the water. Don’t do what I did and force it!

LiveRightNow · 08/02/2023 07:04

I wouldn't send her in with no kit. If she's already upset it would just put her on the spot (as I'm sure teachers would tell her SHE should be remembering it and she may feel told off on top of everything). Otherwise as others have said getting to the bottom of it and ensuring teachers know exactly how upset she is getting so they can support her. My daughter hated the changing at this age. We practiced changing under a towel at home.

FloorWipes · 08/02/2023 07:07

I was a bit like this and my mum happily wrote me various excuse notes. Maybe not every time but quite a bit. And I remember so many girls pretending it was their period. School swimming sucks. Don’t make her. Despite faking my way out of swimming I think I’ve turned out ok.

nicknamehelp · 08/02/2023 07:12

My dc hated swimming with school. And ds would do anything to get out of it. Most of issue was it was a lot of being hurried along for what seemed like 10 mins in the pool then feeling cold all day, especially if swimming at this time of year dd hated her hair being wet all day as no time to blow dry. Other issue was not wearing swimwear they wanted boys was speedos and girls very dull black suit.

Ticketybloop · 08/02/2023 07:18

Mine also hates the weekly school swimming and has more than once deliberately ‘forgotten’ her bag of kit on swim day. In her case, she says it’s because 1) the pool water is cold, and 2) they make them swim laps, which is exhausting and takes all the fun out of swimming. She has tried playing sick a few mornings to get out of it. Most of the kids in her class feel the same way, so it’s not just her!

We’ve expressed sympathy but have also explained over and over that unfortunately it is part of school—and therefore not optional—and she just has to go. Sometimes there are things in life that we have to do even though we don’t like doing them. She will be thankful for it one day, because even though she already knows how to swim, all of the laps and technique training are making her a stronger swimmer, which is a lifetime skill.

Original poster
canthurryup · 08/02/2023 07:19

DrMarciaFieldstone · 08/02/2023 06:58

What are you expecting the school to do?

Make some suggestions of what to do. They expect me to drag her in and they will take her. I have offered to attend the lesson with her, I've asked for separate changing room, all have been rejected.

OP posts:
Original poster
canthurryup · 08/02/2023 07:20

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 08/02/2023 06:58

OP I could have written this about my DD when she was in Year 4 (now a grown adult!) She was very bright, neurotypcial, robust, not sensitive in any other part of life. But she just detested the lessons and had really worked herself into a proper state about them, like you say she would be sobbing for the 2/3 days before them, actually making herself sick with the crying.
How many weeks of them has she got? She normally had fantastic attendance and we ourselves work in education so really do understand the importance of that. But in the end I think we did end up keeping her at home with ‘illness’ on 2 or 3 of the 8 week course. I also wrote a note one week saying she had an ear infection so she couldn’t get into the pool. Reading this back I do worry it makes us sound like one of those troublesome families but honestly it was so out of character for DD who was usually so easygoing and loved school, I just couldn’t let it carry on.

This sounds exactly like my dd. Last year and all previous years attendance was 100%. Feel so sad for her. I just feel why should she be forced to do something she doesn't want to do and clearly gets so upset about

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 08/02/2023 07:20

We had this too, not quite as extreme but it was very common and I'd say about 80% of the class hated those lessons!

I think you just have to power through, bribery, rewards and maybe met her skip a couple. I think it's about 10 weeks so it will pass!

ImAvingOops · 08/02/2023 07:22

She doesn't have to do it if the pool is off site. They require parental permission to take her!
But either way, if it's causing her this much distress then I would withdraw her from the lessons, regardless of what the teacher says - school swimming lessons don't actually teach children how to swim, since they are rarely frequent enough and the classes are too large for sufficient individual attention. My dd found the teaching method of school swimming lessons completely contrasted with the paid lessons we were taking her to and undermining them. I pulled her from the school lessons - she's your child and if something is causing her distress you don't just have to put up with it!

Original poster
canthurryup · 08/02/2023 07:22

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 08/02/2023 07:03

Also to mention that even the few weeks we forced DD to just get on with it resulted in her having a phobia of swimming pools that she did not overcome until last year (!!!!) with very expensive private swimming lessons and therapy. She used to love the water. Don’t do what I did and force it!

Thank you, I definitely won't be forcing her to go even thought that is what the teacher thinks I should do. Last time I took her in school crying and brought swimming kit agterwards as she wouldn't carry it in, she come out of school so angry and frustrated which isn't like her at all

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 08/02/2023 07:25

There is a time for making children push through on things.
And then there comes a time when if they are too scared/anxious it becomes counter productive.

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