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Original poster

When people disappear

204 replies

JoonT · 27/01/2023 22:10

Have you ever known someone who just disappeared? I was talking to someone today whose father recently died. He has been trying to contact his dad's brother, who vanished about 30 years ago, leaving no trace. They've put appeals out on social media, but no luck. The journalist AA Gill's brother also disappeared like this and was never seen again.

It made me think of a neighbor I had years ago. When I first moved in with my ex, I got to know a woman who lived opposite. Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

OP posts:
SeemsSoUnfair · 27/01/2023 22:19

My dads brother disappeared for around 40 years, left his family including kids in Scotland. Everyone expected he would show up dead some day.

Popped back up 40 years later, had been living 350 miles away in England and had a whole new family and kids, including a son who was a English premier league footballer.

He was always a bit of an strange one and never managed to beat his issues with alcohol.

CouldOfIsntRight · 27/01/2023 22:19

Sibling has a friend who’s husband went out for a loaf of bread and vanished. It was a lot easier years ago. She reported him to police as a missing person and then had private detectives searching for him and everything but no trace was found and he was eventually declared dead. His wife went on to meet and finally remarry but not for a couple of decades.

He actually resurfaced after around 30 years iirc when his DS was mid -late 30’s. Seems he just had another woman and wanted to leave, something had then happened and he wanted to reconnect. His DS wanted nothing to do with him unsurprisingly.

comedycentral · 27/01/2023 22:22

A man has been missing in my local area for a number of years now. It's as if he vanished into thin air. I always think about that reported missing episode on the BBC where they eventually found a missing man's car in the middle of a roundabout. He had crashed and was fatally injured without anyone even seeing anything. Heartbreaking.

Builtforcomfortbutnotspeed · 27/01/2023 22:26

My ex (who was fucking useless as a father but was fantastic at being a cocklodger) came round to see our son and headed out of my front door swearing blind that he’d see ds the following Friday

nobody has seen him since-he walked to the end of our street,turned the corner and vanished

it wasn’t that unusual for him-he’d agree to see you (say) next Friday and you wouldn’t see him for a year/18 months/2 years-then he’d show back up and act like he saw you the day before

odd thing was,he said he was going to see his mum-who claims she hasn’t seen anything of him for 13 years-I last saw him 9 years ago

his family seem to think he’s been murdered or has at least died

i just think I won’t be that lucky

CrescentMoons · 27/01/2023 22:26

Yes my friend’s husband is one. She has endured 11 years of pain whilst bringing up 4 children (now adult). He has been declared dead by the high court now. Murder, suicide, accident ….. no one knows. He had walked out two weeks before and slept in his car but had promised never to do it again, he dropped the children off at school and said he loved them and vanished.

A friend of mine had a daughter married with two sons British but lived in another European country. I knew them all reasonably well, husband, wife and two adult boys. She disappeared a couple of years ago, allegedly he said she wanted to leave and he withdrew 10,000 € and gave it to her. She hasn’t been seen or heard of since. She wouldn’t be out of contact with her parents or sons and yet nothing in years. I met him the husband several times- he has been investigated for her murder. He is saying her family have a history of depression etc it’s very painful for her sons and parents and the husband (if he is innocent). She also seemed frightened of him (the husband) so it is concerning. I have contact with her parents but they don’t keep in touch with the son in law any more. It’s very odd.

WaddleAway · 27/01/2023 22:29

comedycentral · 27/01/2023 22:22

A man has been missing in my local area for a number of years now. It's as if he vanished into thin air. I always think about that reported missing episode on the BBC where they eventually found a missing man's car in the middle of a roundabout. He had crashed and was fatally injured without anyone even seeing anything. Heartbreaking.

This (sort of) happened to my brother. He had a car accident, his car left the road and went through some bushes into a field, and due to the angle of the car and the position of the field in relation to the road his car wasn’t visible, and no one saw the accident so he was there for a while before he was found, dead.

007DoubleOSeven · 27/01/2023 22:29

@WaddleAway I'm so sorry Flowers

Highfivemum · 27/01/2023 22:34

I have a friend who seems to have disappeared. Tried everything and no one knows where she has gone. She was a very complex person but also so lovely and kind. I would love for her to turn up again but lost hope now. 28 years since I have seen her.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/01/2023 22:36

A girl I went to school with seemingly disappeared, together with her baby son, about 25 years ago. I say seemingly because her family don't appear to be looking for her, so I wonder if she had to start anew for some reason, to avoid some risk that still exists

PolarBlair · 27/01/2023 22:42

There was a lady who worked in a shop I used to go to . She probably had some sort of SEN but this job was great for her. She disappeared about 15-20 years ago. She wouldn't really have had friends or anywhere to go or the resources (mental, logistical, financial) or any reason to start a new life. And her family say she was very routine oriented. So, sadly, I think she died (murdered).

lifeturnsonadime · 27/01/2023 22:45

Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

In that situation it's pretty obvious that she either got away or he got away with her.

Original poster
JoonT · 27/01/2023 22:51

Some people are so strange – so vacant and shallow – that they seem to kind of drift away. Then they'll reappear years later as if nothing has happened. I have known a couple of people like that. My friend's brother disappeared then reappeared. I always thought he was odd. Nice enough, but odd. You'd chat to him, and he'd smile and so on, but it was like there was nobody there.

Anyway, he vanished one day, leaving no note behind, nothing. Then, years later, he casually strolled into his mum's house, as if nothing had happened. He'd been living in Brighton all that time and hadn't bothered to contact anyone. He genuinely couldn't understand what all the fuss was about.

OP posts:
thecoconutcat · 27/01/2023 22:57

My brother went missing 28 years ago and I found him this year living at the other end of the country.

LakeTiticaca · 27/01/2023 22:59

I remember the car crashing into the roundabout. Very sad case. I remember a few years ago a young guy went missing after a night out. Searches proved futile. Many years later his remains were found in undergrowth under a motorway bridge. I think he had jumped but hadn't realised how big the drop was.
Desperately sad x

Highfivemum · 27/01/2023 23:02

thecoconutcat · 27/01/2023 22:57

My brother went missing 28 years ago and I found him this year living at the other end of the country.

Wow.
have you a relationship with him now ?

JupiterFortified · 27/01/2023 23:09

Highfivemum · 27/01/2023 22:34

I have a friend who seems to have disappeared. Tried everything and no one knows where she has gone. She was a very complex person but also so lovely and kind. I would love for her to turn up again but lost hope now. 28 years since I have seen her.

Oh that’s so sad :( I hope she’s ok, wherever she is x

Some awful stories here, really shocking.

MrsCarson · 27/01/2023 23:17

My Mums friend disappeared like this.
One day we were all at her house and having lunch with her and her kids. Then I never saw her again. After all these years my Mum is still convinced that her husband has killed her and disposed of the body somehow.
She lived for her kids and would never have walked out and left them. She dropped them to school then was never seen again.
Over the years I've heard more stories of what a nasty bastard he was, not just to her either. His kids always had that lost look on their faces when I used to see them after she was gone.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/01/2023 23:30

One of my ex's girlfriends. He was all set for them to move somewhere new a couple of thousand miles away, had worked his resignation period, her house was sold, she'd sold her car, everything was packed in storage other than a few personal bits and documentation, he came in from his last day of work on the Friday evening before they were supposed to be leaving at 9am Saturday morning and she had gone. She completely disappeared, changed her phone number, email addresses didn't work, all her family and friends had blocked his number and her old employer hung up on him twice and then threatened to call the police when he turned up there - and she'd formatted his hard drive so that there wasn't anything on his laptop that he could use to trace her.

That was a full on run-for-the-hills, all semi aquatic fowl cued up on a conveyor belt, I've realised that this is my one and only chance, escape done properly.

I suspect he'd probably either scared her or more likely hurt her about six months previously and had decided he would graciously continue the relationship only if she demonstrated her commitment to him by giving him half a house as far away from her friends and family as possible. And she went along with it because it gave her a chance to escape without the physical risk of actually trying to get him to leave (and his stories of how he would 'absolutely destroy' anybody who crossed him).

That abusive prick found himself homeless, unemployed (as strangely, his employer wouldn't allow him to withdraw his resignation) and without somebody propping up his lifestyle/image with her hard earned money.

Mystery disappearing woman, I salute you. You did everything right.

NocturnalClocks · 28/01/2023 00:57

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/01/2023 23:30

One of my ex's girlfriends. He was all set for them to move somewhere new a couple of thousand miles away, had worked his resignation period, her house was sold, she'd sold her car, everything was packed in storage other than a few personal bits and documentation, he came in from his last day of work on the Friday evening before they were supposed to be leaving at 9am Saturday morning and she had gone. She completely disappeared, changed her phone number, email addresses didn't work, all her family and friends had blocked his number and her old employer hung up on him twice and then threatened to call the police when he turned up there - and she'd formatted his hard drive so that there wasn't anything on his laptop that he could use to trace her.

That was a full on run-for-the-hills, all semi aquatic fowl cued up on a conveyor belt, I've realised that this is my one and only chance, escape done properly.

I suspect he'd probably either scared her or more likely hurt her about six months previously and had decided he would graciously continue the relationship only if she demonstrated her commitment to him by giving him half a house as far away from her friends and family as possible. And she went along with it because it gave her a chance to escape without the physical risk of actually trying to get him to leave (and his stories of how he would 'absolutely destroy' anybody who crossed him).

That abusive prick found himself homeless, unemployed (as strangely, his employer wouldn't allow him to withdraw his resignation) and without somebody propping up his lifestyle/image with her hard earned money.

Mystery disappearing woman, I salute you. You did everything right.

That's incredible! Well done to her! I hope he was your ex before this and not afterwards. 🤣

NocturnalClocks · 28/01/2023 00:58

So many sad stories here. 😔

sneakyrussian · 28/01/2023 01:00

SeemsSoUnfair · 27/01/2023 22:19

My dads brother disappeared for around 40 years, left his family including kids in Scotland. Everyone expected he would show up dead some day.

Popped back up 40 years later, had been living 350 miles away in England and had a whole new family and kids, including a son who was a English premier league footballer.

He was always a bit of an strange one and never managed to beat his issues with alcohol.

He didn't end up living in the Forest of Dean did he?

OutForBreakfast · 28/01/2023 01:14

A friend disappeared and then reappeared twenty years later and wanted to be friends again without any apology or explanation. I said no.

Inhibitor · 28/01/2023 01:56

A couple of years ago, I watched a YouTube documentary made by a man whose close friend died suddenly from a heart attack. In trying to contact his family to let them know, he discovered his friend was not the person he told him he was and was using a false identity. Through some detective work, he finds the missing person poster and gets in touch with the man’s family who didn’t know what had happened to him. It was fascinating and moving.

Inhibitor · 28/01/2023 02:09

Just realised the question was about personally knowing someone - thankfully not but my DF’s first girlfriend, who was a family friend, went missing in her early 20s while they were in a relationship - DF has talked about that time, joining the searches, the worry and confusion. She was eventually found many years later in a disused car in the garage. She died by suicide and was there the whole time.

seewhatididthere · 28/01/2023 02:21

My uncle has been missing for 20+ years. In that time, his sister, dad, brother in law and stepdad have all passed away. He fell into a bad crowd so we expect the worst has happened to him also... but hope against what our gut feeling tells us, that he has started a new life somewhere.

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