When people disappear

[JoonT]

Have you ever known someone who just disappeared? I was talking to someone today whose father recently died. He has been trying to contact his dad's brother, who vanished about 30 years ago, leaving no trace. They've put appeals out on social media, but no luck. The journalist AA Gill's brother also disappeared like this and was never seen again.

It made me think of a neighbor I had years ago. When I first moved in with my ex, I got to know a woman who lived opposite. Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

I also keep checking for news about Rodrigo Falcon. Very sad.

This thread is very sad. I know someone who started again, reinvented their history/ family.
For the people who have loved ones missing, the pain must be intolerable. I hope you find some resolution and peace.

Not the same but my granddad lied about his age to get into the Navy during the Second World War. When he came back, his parents had moved house and hadn't told him where they'd moved to. I don't know if they were reunited again.

On the other side of the family, my other granddad was told that his father had died and he never knew him. Turns out from DNA and family history research, that he was alive and living round the corner until my grandad was an adult.

People disappearing seems to be much more common when there was no mobile phones or internet to trace people.

Also it was hard to get a divorce and men had all the economic power, so if they decided they didn’t like their life, they could just bugger off

@IdisagreeMrHochhauser how old was your granddad when he came back from the navy? That must have been so shocking to find his family had vanished.

Very sad stories here

He was 15 when he went away to sea and it was towards the end of the war so I think possibly only 17 or 18.

That must have been horrendous for him..

It would explain a lot. There is a lot of trauma passed down on both sides of my family.

Absolutely awful .

@Hollyhobbi

AnImaginaryCat · 28/01/2023 02:38
Nobody close and it's in that vague friend of a friend way. But it's just such a heartbreaking situation I frequently think about it.
Their brother (22 at the time) went out to their Christmas party and disappeared over 22 years ago. Once it was realised he never got home there was a large amount of news coverage. Family kept up an appeal for a long time.
There's been re-appeals since. All possible traces followed. There was
a search for his body a few years ago.
Incredibly sad to think there's a family that just don't know where he is or what happened. Also that there's many families like this.
Is that Trevor Deely you are talking about? I can still remember seeing all the missing person posters for him on lamposts as I would have passed them on the way to work. So sad for his family and friends.

Trevor walked back to his workplace when he left the Christmas party at the pub that night to collect his umbrella because it was raining and he knew he would be walking home. He couldn't get a taxi that night because the taxi drivers were on strike.

He chatted to a friend at work who was working the night shift at the bank where they both worked. Collected his umbrella and headed for home.

There were three or four shadowy figures all dressed in black, it looked like to me waiting outside the front of the building where he worked. They have been identified as his co-workers. Really ? Why were they waiting for him in the pouring rain on a cold dark December Dublin night ?

Did they see the person who then followed Trevor ?

One person, also dressed in dark clothing, followed Trevor as he started his walk home. Trevor never made it home and has never been seen since.

Was a forensic examination of Trevor's home done ?

Trevor had not long returned from a last minute trip to Alaska to catch up with a girl he met whilst she was holidaying in Ireland. She didn't know he was going to visit and was no more than civil to him when he caught up with her.

Is that connected to his disappearance or just a 'red herring ?'

Convicted paedophile Eamonn Cooke was qustioned about Philip but sadly revealed nothing before he died. There was a paedophile ring at the time but took years later to look into it. So sad for his poor family to never have had closure.

My Parents had friends whose teenage son disappeared. He came home from school, packed his clothes and has never been seen since. The parents only discovered when they came home from work. It must have been about 40 years ago. He also left behind a brother and sister.

They spent years trying to find him but never did. They must have accepted it eventually as they emigrated to another country about 10 years ago, so even if their son ‘came home’ he would struggle to find them.

obviously you never know what goes on at someone’s home but superficially they were a very naice family with no money problems. The remaining family stayed close so I don’t think there was anything ‘dodgy’ going on in the family.

@OldTinHat so sorry, do link and tells us all about your son if you’d like to.

I'm so sorry to read this. How awful for your brother and your family.

Some hearkbreaking cases here. to those who have had friends/friends who have disappeared

To PPs who have asked, thank you. My DS is 23 now, we thought we had a rough idea of which city he was living in but that turns out to have been a false lead.

He did have MH issues, suffered from anxiety, from around age 15. He met an older woman, forged a relationship with her when he was 17. He was at university (left home at 18 to live in halls) then dropped out to live with this woman. He kept in touch but contact dwindled until he stopped answering my calls and texts, then his GPs contact and then contact from his DB 3yrs ago.

It's heartbreaking. None of us know what we did wrong for him to vanish. I still send him texts and try to phone occasionally. The number is in service but he never replies. I just hope he's safe, knows he's loved and missed and perhaps he'll reach out one day. It's awful but if he had died then at least we would know. Not knowing where he is or how he is - or if indeed he is alive but assume he is as his phone number is live - is something no one should have to carry.

This is heart breaking, and must be torture for you, @OldTinHat. I'm so sorry for you and your family. There are no words to make sense of this. 💐

I'm not saying this is the case with your son, but so many young people can be incredibly selfish and actions are taken without as much as a thought to the consequences.

I ran away when I was 15, was gone for almost a year. I don't recall that I gave a single thought to how my poor family must have felt. Now, as a parent and grandparent, it horrifies me to think how scared and confused they must have been, when in fact it was nothing to do with any of them, just a lark on a whim, following an older friend for adventure. Nobody to blame but me. I'm not proud of this, just honest.

@202018SoFarSoGreat You sound like an amazing person. I just want to give you a hug!

This is the case I always remember the most: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Genette_Tate

I lived close by at the time and was a similar age. As an adult, I made friends with someone through an NCT group (hundreds of miles away from Devon) and her husband was at school with Genette. It's so sad that she was never found.

@OldTinHat thank you. I worried after posting that you would feel I was minimizing your pain.

Hugs right back to you!

Anybody following the news on Nicola Bulley ? Really hope she's found very soon.

So many sad stories. A case that I always think of is the Beaumont children in Australia, utterly heartbreaking.

@Shopgirl1 yeah the Beaumont children case has always fascinated me too. So sad their mother died no knowing what happened to them. Also Eloise Worledge who was literally taken from her bedroom one night.

I guess those cases are a bit off topic, kids those ages don’t vanish of their own accord. Horrific to think there are people that can invoke so much fear and harm and hurt among us. And others who have information but don’t come forward.

I keep thinking about Julian Sands and that lady with the dog at the moment.

So sorry to hear about those posters who have missing friends and relatives 😞