When people disappear

[JoonT]

Have you ever known someone who just disappeared? I was talking to someone today whose father recently died. He has been trying to contact his dad's brother, who vanished about 30 years ago, leaving no trace. They've put appeals out on social media, but no luck. The journalist AA Gill's brother also disappeared like this and was never seen again.

It made me think of a neighbor I had years ago. When I first moved in with my ex, I got to know a woman who lived opposite. Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

I often wonder if some are under the police protection system ( not sure if that's it's real name )
They need to disappear very quickly !
Some just want a new life I suppose and manage to go under the radar
A few may have been killed and not discovered
I'm sure there are many reasons people disappear

A friend of my sister disappeared when they were 13. This was over 40 years ago. She had left home one afternoon on her bicycle saying she was going to a friend's house (not my sister, another friend). She never made it to the friend's house and her and her bicycle have never been found. Exhaustive searches, including draining a local pond, turned up absolutely nothing. It's so sad.

Dh's brother went out to pick up his benefits from the post office one day, then never went home. His family heard nothing from him for 7 years, then suddenly he resurfaced again.

They never in that time reported him missing or asked around or anything. They just accepted that he'd disappeared and hoped that he'd show up again, which he eventually did.

That's awful. Was it in the news at the time?

Wasn't this on the news again just recently. It rings a bell

There was a very similar case last month, Robert Hoagland.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Robert_Hoagland

An old friend of mine who used to come out with us at the weekends vanished suddenly. There’s rumours that he had got involved with drug dealers and was murdered

Someone disappeared here yesterday. She was walking her dog and just vanished. The dog was found in the last place she was spotted. I can’t stop thinking about her.

Damien Nettles? I remember watching a documentary on him.

@determinedtomakethiswork
@thinkponk48

This happened in a small town in the US
There have been News stories about it over the years

Yeah! We had actually never met, but now we are building a good relationship! I came across him on LinkedIn!

Damien Nettles disappeared 25 years ago whilst living on the Isle of Wight. I've listened to the Podimo podcast where his mother describes him and his life and the impact of his disappearance.

Very sad.

He may have fallen foul of the local drug dealer/s. Basically, got in over his head or upset the wrong person. Was his body dismembered and disposed of ?

Andrew Gosden has already been mentioned. I realise he could have fallen into the hands of wrong doers but I wonder why he left home that day ? The circumstances of it have me baffled.

Stephen Clark - age 28, disappeared whilst out for a walk with his mum. Both his parents have been arrested for his murder but were released without charge. They were on t.v. a couple of years ago where his mum remarks that's our story. His Dad corrects her by saying 'it's the truth' I've listened to a You Tube presentation about it. There is a school of thought that his Mum and Stephen didn't go for a walk that day i.e. it's baloney that he used a public toilet and was never seen again. Personally I suspect his Dad knows more than he's letting on.

A relative of my uncle had alcohol issues, he went off somewhere one day and no one knows where. Used to ring someone in the family every couple of years, was obviously drunk. Calls dried up about 20 years ago. Not been heard of since

My dad disappeared for 15 years. His wife died, which they kept a secret(she had cancer and was a very private person, she didn’t want any fuss), and he just stopped answering calls, no answer at the house or to letters. House was sold and he was gone. He was already untraceable because of his job, so this made it even harder.
He popped up in my Facebook messages under a pseudonym a few years ago. We are rebuilding our relationship. He gave me away at my wedding and that was the first time I’d seen him in years. It was wonderful.

My brother in laws ex wife disappeared. She had MH issues and it had happened a few times. She had abandoned her sons from her first marriage with DBIL, and it was thought she did the same with her sons from her second marriage. But her body was found a few years later

Yes I've seen this on local news reports. North westEngland?l

Brian Shaffer - went into a bar in Columbus, Ohio and never came out ? He was a young good looking medical student. His mother had died from cancer nine days before he disappeared. He had a bright future ahead of him and was about to propose to his girlfriend.

However, he harboured a desire to be a musician and live an easy life. He wrote in a journal that, 'this doctor thing is just a job.'

He was last seen at about 1.50am walking back into a bar which he knew closed at 2am. Why did he glance at a uniformed security guard then slip his mobile phone into a female friend's hand bag ?

Why did his friend pay a lawyer to state that he has told the police everything he knows and has nothing further to say ? Did him and Brian have a disagreement that night ? This friend says the last time he saw Brian that night, he was walking towards the stage where the band were getting ready to leave.

Did Brian leave with the band when they packed up and exited through the kitchen ? Did the band have boxes or cases that he could have hidden in ? Was the band in on it ?

Brian, I suspect, planned his own disappearance. Usually, when someone disappears of the own choice they've been planning it for a long time and/or they have help and support.

Brian's bank account has not been used since he disappeared. He left behind his car, passport etc etc.

His Dad has since died leaving Brian's brother with two dead parents and a brother who is a missing person.

All very sad.

This is such a heartbreaking thread. @FindRod we live in the same area. I think about Rod daily and hope he's found safe and well soon.

The Vanished is a really good missing persons Podcast, almost always has family members discussing the person/events and always gives case updates, of which there have been a surprising amount.

I sometimes wonder if my family consider me missing. We're long term estranged. Last contact was when I was homeless about a decade ago. I wouldn't be too hard to find, I'm on the electoral register, though not on social media. I am glad they leave me be though, our opinions on life don't align at all

My ex housemate. We were playing board games, he said he was going to pop out to the shops and just didn't come back. It later turned out that he hadn't been paying the rent (although he was collecting it from us) and was in debt to some seriously nasty people. I've no idea why - he was employed and seemed functional, no drugs or drink. It was all very weird. The flat got threatening phone calls from these loan sharks, the police got involved, we all got questioned. Total nightmare.

He turned up a few years later, I heard, in a monastery of all places. It was all very strange. His family were frantic.

Oh dear
sorry to hear that
you aren't near Clapham Woods perchance?

I remember Damien Nettles and Brian Shaffer as well.

Same, I keep checking for news

Sort of. Mutual friends I studied with at uni got married and had a baby soon after. The thing was she became totally obsessed with the child. She wouldn’t put her down or stop talking about her. After a while he moved into the spare room and spent all his time at work. Anyway one day she got back from her mothers and he’d gone leaving nothing to show he’d ever lived there. She called his work but they said he’d left months ago. She called his parents who turned out to be his foster carers. She notified the police but they found nothing. That was ten years ago and nobody has seen him since. However there’s something odd about the whole thing. I knew him quite well and he wasn’t the sort of guy to go “walk about”. Strange.