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When people disappear

204 replies

JoonT · 27/01/2023 22:10

Have you ever known someone who just disappeared? I was talking to someone today whose father recently died. He has been trying to contact his dad's brother, who vanished about 30 years ago, leaving no trace. They've put appeals out on social media, but no luck. The journalist AA Gill's brother also disappeared like this and was never seen again.

It made me think of a neighbor I had years ago. When I first moved in with my ex, I got to know a woman who lived opposite. Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

OP posts:
AnImaginaryCat · 28/01/2023 02:38

Nobody close and it's in that vague friend of a friend way. But it's just such a heartbreaking situation I frequently think about it.

Their brother (22 at the time) went out to their Christmas party and disappeared over 22 years ago. Once it was realised he never got home there was a large amount of news coverage. Family kept up an appeal for a long time.

There's been re-appeals since. All possible traces followed. There was
a search for his body a few years ago.

Incredibly sad to think there's a family that just don't know where he is or what happened. Also that there's many families like this.

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 02:40

These stories😔

Dartmoorcheffy · 28/01/2023 03:15

Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

that could* be me. I was with a violent abusive partner. I got a job that involved working away. I sorted out somewhere to live, 300 miles away, flatshare with 2 male colleagues who were ex military and I knew if he did find me I would be safe. He left for work one morning and that gave me a few hours to pack and leave. I rang him up that evening and told him he would never see me again. *I never went back to that area or had any contact with friends as I couldn't risk him finding out where I was. Luckily it was before Facebook and any other social media.

LemonTreeSkies · 28/01/2023 03:44

Not personally but a friend’s sister didn’t appear in court a few weeks ago and no one knows where she is. No one has had any contact for months.

about four years ago a guy in his early 20s left a party in the early morning to walk a short distance home and he’s never been seen or heard of since. His mum’s facebook posts are heart breaking

sashh · 28/01/2023 05:01

Inhibitor · 28/01/2023 01:56

A couple of years ago, I watched a YouTube documentary made by a man whose close friend died suddenly from a heart attack. In trying to contact his family to let them know, he discovered his friend was not the person he told him he was and was using a false identity. Through some detective work, he finds the missing person poster and gets in touch with the man’s family who didn’t know what had happened to him. It was fascinating and moving.

Was that 'Looking for Mike'? Well worth a watch.

I heard one of a phone in show once. A man told his girlfriend he was popping to the shop for milk or cigarettes or something.

Two years later he walked back in, wearing the same clothes and just sat down.

He'd been arrested and sent to prison but didn't contact her.

icanneverthinkofnc · 28/01/2023 05:08

My 'D'F went to work in 1968. We haven't seen him since. I think he had another woman lined up and just walked away.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 28/01/2023 05:21

Some of these are so sad. I can't imagine what families go through with no sense of closure.

I can't remember the name (Claudia someone?) but there was a chef who disappeared on her way to work several years ago, and has never been found.

People who just "take off" and don't bother contacting family are a different kettle of fish. I appreciate that there may be MH issues, but not even letting people who love you know you're alive is just cruel.

custardbear · 28/01/2023 06:00

So sad and bizarre that people just up and leave! I'm sore there are plenty of reasons but I'm sure many are unsolved murders too. Frightening!

shiningcuckoo · 28/01/2023 06:11

Claudia Lawrence, a chef who lived in York just disappeared. Foul play is suspected though. There is a detailed BBC podcast about her disappearance.

I knew a friend of a friend and her mum disappeared when she was a young teenager. She had just separated from her dad and was seen getting into a car with a mystery man one morning, never to be seen again. She was eventually declared dead.

A local lad here disappeared as a teenager 10 years ago. He was staying at his mates place and upped and left at dawn in his distinctive car. There was a massive search for him by police and his family.. once away from town the roads are dangerous and there are lots of places a car could come off and not be found easily. His family payed for helicopter searches and there were endless appeals. A friend of mine owned a farm in the wider area and his son was good friends with the missing boy. They had been at his place the day before riding motorbikes. My friend was questioned more than once about whether he had buried the missing boy and his car at the farm and the police did some digging with a bulldozer. Nothing was found. Seven years later back in town and 5 mins from the flat that the boy disappeared from, a bigger than usual boat got into trouble docking at the port and divers had to go and work out the problem. They found the missing boys car and his body. He had driven off the wharf and had been there all that time. My friends son was married with a child by then - his grief was palpable as he was photographed by a journalist watching his friend"s distinctive car being lifted from the water.

userxx · 28/01/2023 06:20

icanneverthinkofnc · 28/01/2023 05:08

My 'D'F went to work in 1968. We haven't seen him since. I think he had another woman lined up and just walked away.

Jesus, how the hell did you deal with that.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 28/01/2023 06:24

The oldest son of very dear family friends has been missing for many years ( he’d be late 50s now if still alive). There were some mental health issues I believe. His DF died nearly 3 years ago & that must have brought it all home again, not that it ever goes away. Can’t imagine not knowing.

MumGoneMild · 28/01/2023 06:38

My mum disappeared in 2003 when i was 17(i had already moved out)
she waited till my sibling went to work then packed up and left
when my sibling got home the landlord was there and it turned out mum had given notice a month before so they were suddenly homeless
we heard nothing from her from that day on

Wee got visit from the police in 2022 say she had been found dead in her home.
she literally drunk and smoked herself to death according to the coroner.

odd thing was she was only 60 miles away and she worked in a shop in a hospital all that time… my cousin did a year placement in that hospital and never knew

userxx · 28/01/2023 06:48

@MumGoneMild Wow. How does somebody do that, I can't wrap my head around it. It must have had a huge effect on you and your sibling.

TheNefariousOrange · 28/01/2023 06:57

My brother. Someone accused him of rape but it turned out to be their roommate. He told us he got a summer job in Cornwall. He broke up with his girlfriend out of the blue, quit his degree, threw away all his possessions and left. 4 days later his number was invalid and none of us have heard from him since. That was 2 years ago.

Standbyguest · 28/01/2023 06:57

There's a very active missing person campaign in my town - Georgina Gharsallah. Just disappeared of the face of the earth one day, leaving behind her 2 boys and a mum who spends every day trying to find her. The police have assumed murdered but there have been no clues, no witnesses, nothing.

Daydre4mer · 28/01/2023 07:05

@Standbyguest hace got listened to the ‘Missing ‘ podcast on Spotify/Amazon? About Georgina? It’s made by Missing People Charity and Locate International. Has interviews with her family. It’s desperately sad.

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:01

How do people just up and leave with no contact at all?! And in some of these posts, the missing person just turns up out of the blue like everything is normal! My God, what a wow

PatAndMargaret · 28/01/2023 08:17

A friend came close to having this happen to them. She came home from work one day to find her husband gone, no warning, no note just gone. She was unable to contact him, family and friends all claimed to know nothing, social media gone. She did eventually track him down and was able to obtain a divorce but it appears that his intention was to disappear (from her at least) and never return.

RiceOnABike · 28/01/2023 08:24

My auntie disappeared about 15 years ago. Another relative was going a family tree and discovered that she'd had a child in her home country when she was very young. She was asked about it (rightly or wrongly) and then packed up and vanished, as she evidently couldn't deal with everyone knowing :(

RiceOnABike · 28/01/2023 08:25

RiceOnABike · 28/01/2023 08:24

My auntie disappeared about 15 years ago. Another relative was going a family tree and discovered that she'd had a child in her home country when she was very young. She was asked about it (rightly or wrongly) and then packed up and vanished, as she evidently couldn't deal with everyone knowing :(

*doing a family tree

EyesOnThePies · 28/01/2023 08:33

@WaddleAway How terrible. I’m So sorry.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 28/01/2023 08:34

Standbyguest · 28/01/2023 06:57

There's a very active missing person campaign in my town - Georgina Gharsallah. Just disappeared of the face of the earth one day, leaving behind her 2 boys and a mum who spends every day trying to find her. The police have assumed murdered but there have been no clues, no witnesses, nothing.

I live there too and I often think
of her. There were some suggestions that a site that is being redeveloped
should have been searched but I think the police had ruled that out early on. Her poor Mum, it must be so devastating not knowing.

Greenfairydust · 28/01/2023 08:37

I sort of did that.

I left the country where I was born to escape a toxic family. I initially kept basic contact with them until therapy and growing older made me realise how unhappy I was. I was really struggling with the mental and physical effect that their neglect had on me and there were more incidents of really awful behaviour by one of my parents even with low contact. So I went full non-contact.

My relatives did not respect my going NC and started to harass me and try to get various people to get in touch with me.

In the end, I moved to a different town, changed my number and email and I never share my location on social media. None of my relatives knows where I am now. I did not say anything to my neighbours either when I left. Only my close friends & workplace here know where I live now.

FKATondelayo · 28/01/2023 08:38

These stories are so sad. It's hard to believe with the amount of data, phone tracing, CCTV, social media, digital tracking on passports and ID that people can still vanish into thin air.

DuncanBiscuits · 28/01/2023 08:38

A lad I went to school with disappeared after a night out, over thirty years ago now.

His mum appears on local TV from time to time. She’s haunted by it. It seems odd to think about him at school, an ebullient little chap who wrote ‘I hope you fail your exams’ on my folder as a joke, and then disappeared five years later. Sad.