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Original poster

When people disappear

204 replies

JoonT · 27/01/2023 22:10

Have you ever known someone who just disappeared? I was talking to someone today whose father recently died. He has been trying to contact his dad's brother, who vanished about 30 years ago, leaving no trace. They've put appeals out on social media, but no luck. The journalist AA Gill's brother also disappeared like this and was never seen again.

It made me think of a neighbor I had years ago. When I first moved in with my ex, I got to know a woman who lived opposite. Her husband was ten years older than her and a bit of a bully/control freak. We saw each other almost every day for years and became quite close, then she vanished. She'd told me that she was saving money and planned to leave him one day, but it still came as a shock. I never saw or heard of her again.

OP posts:
Sunshineismyfriend · 29/01/2023 15:36

romdowa · 29/01/2023 14:35

There was a guy working in our local pub 20 years ago from America, he was a nice friendly guy, worked there all summer and then all of a sudden he vanished, not unusual as its a tourist town and we often get people coming for work for the season. A few weeks later his parents show up, he'd been missing for 5 years and they had tracked him to our town. They spent weeks here hoping he would come back, put up postered with his pictures but he never resurfaced. No idea how they tracked him down but I always reckoned that he got wind that they were coming and he ran.

A local woman's husband vanished in the middle of the night leaving her alone with 2 small children. She woke up in the morning and he'd gone so she presumed he'd gone to work. He never turned up to work and was never seen or heard from again and that must be over a decade ago.
My mother's friend vanished when they were children back in the 60s. He was about 7/8 and his mother sent him down to the shops 2 streets away and he never returned. They searched the harbour and the woodlands and nothing. My mam reckons he was taken by someone. His poor poor mother was never right again she used to go down to the area where he was last seen and she'd cry his name and beg him to come home to her.

This is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine wondering what had happened to your child for ever more.

Starrynightz · 29/01/2023 15:45

FindRod · 29/01/2023 15:34

Me too. It’s awful for his family and friends. How can someone just disappear.

Show quote history

Agree its a living nightmare for his family and friends. It's all surreal, how can he just vanish without trace.

Izzabellasasperella · 29/01/2023 15:50

OldTinHat · 29/01/2023 08:29

@Beezknees @alloalloallo
Damien Nettles - local to me, too. He vanished in 1996 and there are still appeals to find out what happened to him.

This is local to me too. One of my friends knew him very well.
I knew the drug dealer who was a suspect in his disappearance.
So many rumours around what happened to Damien.
I hope that one day his Mum will find out the true story. I read her book and it was heartbreaking.

CocoFifi · 29/01/2023 15:53

Awful thing to say. What if he was suffering from mental health problems.

Standbyguest · 29/01/2023 17:17

@KatherineJaneway according to the reports and media coverage, it wasn't unheard of for her to go off and stay with friends for days, her mum wasn't concerned until she didn't answer her messages.

Herebemynewusername · 29/01/2023 17:21

My ex's brother has been missing for over 30 years. All his belongings including passport wallet money etc at home. It is generally accepted he has been murdered although no body has been found.

piggypoole · 29/01/2023 17:28

I can understand why people do because trust me if I had enough money I would have done it. I just wanted to change my name and start afresh . I once read in a newspaper about a man who just disappeared leaving Behind a wife and family. He was traced living down South but just said he was ok but never wanted any contact ever again . I often wondered if he won the lottery or just went off with another woman. He must have been bitterly unhappy to have done this .

piggypoole · 29/01/2023 17:31

Could the police look up their National Insurance number ? That will tell them if this person was alive if they have been
Paying tax or claiming benefit . That's how suspicion about the whereabouts of Heather West were raised as they discovered she had never used her NI number .

KatherineJaneway · 29/01/2023 17:43

Standbyguest · 29/01/2023 17:17

@KatherineJaneway according to the reports and media coverage, it wasn't unheard of for her to go off and stay with friends for days, her mum wasn't concerned until she didn't answer her messages.

Thank you

Mummapenguin20 · 29/01/2023 17:45

It’s scary there are so many x

Ginger1982 · 29/01/2023 17:50

There's a person near me called Allan Bryant who vanished from a nightclub in 2013. No trace of him has ever been found. His parents assume he's been murdered but there's just nothing to say one way or the other.

Motnight · 29/01/2023 17:57

My grandmother did this, just before the second World War. Left her young son, parents and sisters.

She told my mother about it 60 years later. Somehow my mother found her (half?) brother, or rather his wife. He had died a few years before. My grandmother was reunited in her late 80s with her surviving sister, who wept when they met. My grandmother showed no emotion, and no interest in the family she had left behind.

PollyPaintsFlowers · 29/01/2023 18:00

This thread is utterly heartbreaking 😢

I wonder if my old school friends think I disappeared. It was the end of the autumn term and on the last day we all wished each other a Merry Christmas and said we'd see each other in January. Then two days later my father told me we were moving to another part of the country hundreds of miles away and we moved before Christmas. I've never forgotten not being able to say goodbye to everyone I knew and I wonder what they thought

AngelDelightUK · 29/01/2023 18:05

When I was in my unhappy marriage I used to dream about doing it. I became a bit fascinated with this case, I often wonder if she is alive

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/sneha-philip-mystery-disappeared-9-11-b1917381.html?amp

OldTinHat · 29/01/2023 18:10

@Izzabellasasperella I hope so too.

My son has vanished, it's been 3yrs now since I saw him. He kept in contact with family initially but dropped everyone off month by month and its now 2yrs since anyone heard from him. He's 22.

Is a thread for people looking for missing people people appropriate here? Can we add that?

AliceMcK · 29/01/2023 18:44

@romdowa this reminded me of my friends partner, he left his home country and cut contact with his family. It’s been over 20 years at least and he wants nothing to do with them. His sister has put up appeals looking for him which he knows about but he dosnt care.

To be honest, if I’d known back in my youth what I know now and had my current outlook on life I would have disappeared myself. I had opportunity but my toxic family where always in my head and I was, I don’t know, maybe to scared to cut contact. I regularly think how much happier I would have been if I’d been brave enough to walk away.

Bytrgrewd · 29/01/2023 20:35

OldTinHat · 29/01/2023 18:10

@Izzabellasasperella I hope so too.

My son has vanished, it's been 3yrs now since I saw him. He kept in contact with family initially but dropped everyone off month by month and its now 2yrs since anyone heard from him. He's 22.

Is a thread for people looking for missing people people appropriate here? Can we add that?

You must miss him terribly 😞

ItsCurtainstothat · 29/01/2023 21:36

Motnight · 29/01/2023 17:57

My grandmother did this, just before the second World War. Left her young son, parents and sisters.

She told my mother about it 60 years later. Somehow my mother found her (half?) brother, or rather his wife. He had died a few years before. My grandmother was reunited in her late 80s with her surviving sister, who wept when they met. My grandmother showed no emotion, and no interest in the family she had left behind.

Where did she go?

ItsCurtainstothat · 29/01/2023 21:43

Who do you think you are? Seems to come across many people who went missing , leaving families behind. Mostly men. I think in the past it was easy to just vanish.

007DoubleOSeven · 29/01/2023 22:24

OldTinHat · 29/01/2023 18:10

@Izzabellasasperella I hope so too.

My son has vanished, it's been 3yrs now since I saw him. He kept in contact with family initially but dropped everyone off month by month and its now 2yrs since anyone heard from him. He's 22.

Is a thread for people looking for missing people people appropriate here? Can we add that?

Oh god, I am so so sorry @OldTinHat
If you do want to link to details I will pay attention Flowers

Waterfallgirl · 29/01/2023 22:52

OldTinHat · 29/01/2023 18:10

@Izzabellasasperella I hope so too.

My son has vanished, it's been 3yrs now since I saw him. He kept in contact with family initially but dropped everyone off month by month and its now 2yrs since anyone heard from him. He's 22.

Is a thread for people looking for missing people people appropriate here? Can we add that?

@OldTinHat I am so sorry, that must be so hard for you.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/01/2023 23:22

That is heartbreaking @OldTinHat.

Did your son have a problem with depression or any other kind of mental health problems prior to this?

Koicrap · 30/01/2023 00:45

A boy I had a huge crush on at college went missing. He was apparently involved some dodgy stuff. I look up his name every so often but nothing ever comes up.

Hollyhobbi · 30/01/2023 01:51

AnImaginaryCat · 28/01/2023 02:38

Nobody close and it's in that vague friend of a friend way. But it's just such a heartbreaking situation I frequently think about it.

Their brother (22 at the time) went out to their Christmas party and disappeared over 22 years ago. Once it was realised he never got home there was a large amount of news coverage. Family kept up an appeal for a long time.

There's been re-appeals since. All possible traces followed. There was
a search for his body a few years ago.

Incredibly sad to think there's a family that just don't know where he is or what happened. Also that there's many families like this.

Is that Trevor Deely you are talking about? I can still remember seeing all the missing person posters for him on lamposts as I would have passed them on the way to work. So sad for his family and friends.

Hollyhobbi · 30/01/2023 02:02

Philip Cairns dissappeared in Dublin in 1986 aged 13 while on his way back to school after having his lunch at home. His first cousin was in my sister's class at school (in a different part of Ireland) and my sister was the same age as him too. His schoolbag was found 6 days later with all his books and pens still in it bar a geography book and 2 religion books. But it offered no clues as to where he might be. Tragically the case is being treated now as a murder case. There was a reward of €10,000 offered too. But poor Philip is still missing.