What’s your favourite joke?

[Username721]

Just that. Will be stealing any decent ones. 😁

What did nought say to eight?

I like your belt.

Why do you never hear pterodactyls going to the toilet?

Because they have a silent pee

(You can thank DS for that one)

Where do average things get made?

In the satisfactory

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees

2 monkeys got into a bath.
One said "oooo oooo OOO, aaa aaaa AAA"
The other one said "well put some cold in then".

why did the bald man place some rabbits on his head ?
because from a distance they looked like hares.

How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

why was six nervous standing next to seven ?
because seven ate nine.

Rude....but funny...
Teacher in class asked kids to give her the definition of 'contagious'.

Johnny puts his hand up, 'please miss, it's like when you catch something easily.
Teacher: ' yes, that's good Johnny. Anyone else?'

Jack puts his hand up, ' miss, it's when you're really slow or not very good at something?'

Teacher: 'I'm don't think that's quite right Jack'

Jack: 'well it is Miss, last week my uncle was helping my Dad clean his car and Dad said 'look at him, it'll take that contagious to finish that'

I know it slightly differently: two zeros walking, an eight passes them by. One zero says to the other, “Look at that floozy”.

What did the mummy biscuit say when her baby got run over?

Oh crumbs!

Daughter: Mum, why cant we get a trash can like normal people?

Mum: Shut up and keep eating!

@Emsb2022 I really laughed at that.

My simple contribution is:
A man walked into a bar.
Ouch!

Two lions walking through town.

One says to the other "Not many people about".

Knock knock?
Who's there?
The doorbell repair man

Hahahahahahahaha this absolutely shit!!!

It's my fave 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What do you call a fish with no eyes

Fsh

Candle in Cumbria.

Why didn't Han Solo enjoy his steak? Because it was Chewie.

This is literally my only joke and made me chuckle to see it first. 😂

Why do elephants have Big Ears?
Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

Tommy Cooper is another favourite -

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

I have some fish jokes! 🐠 🐡 🐟

1. What do you call a fancy fish? 🎩

So-fish-ticated

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?👁👁

Fsh (doesn't work so well written down)

1. What do you call a fish with no ears?👂

Whatever you like, it can't hear you!

And

1. There's an old saying: Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man how to fish... and he just might fuck off for the whole weekend 🎣 😉 😁

Why is there no aspirin in the zoo?

Because the parrots eat em all.

Laughed for hours after hearing that one.