What’s your favourite joke?

[Username721]

Just that. Will be stealing any decent ones. 😁

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Europe?

Europe who?

No, you're a poo!

A man takes his dog to the vet as he’s a bit worried about him. The vet finds nothing wrong, the owner asks for a second opinion so a cat comes in and looks over the dog and agrees with the vet. The owner asks for a third opinion so a Labrador comes in and waves his paw over and agrees with the vet.

The vet says that will be £200 please, £200! Exclaims the owner but you said there was nothing wrong! There isn’t but what with the cat scan and lab report..

DS loved this one! So did I...

My daughter pulled it on me when she was 7. Yes, I fell for it!

I always tell my dd7 that it's Where do policemen live? 999 Letsbe Avenue. I just love that it makes absolutely no sense to her as it's so dated.

Secretly, it's a very very long joke, told by Paul Reubens on Letterman in 1984. Ending with the punchline, I dont know, but his face rings a bell. Used to know it by heart.

I always tell my dd7 that it's Where do policemen live? 999 Letsbe Avenue. I just love that it makes absolutely no sense to her as it's so dated.

The thing that's really funny about that is this:

@ErrolTheDragon ha! Whoever named the street must have known!

Why did the banana go to the doctor ?

Because he wasn't feeling very well.

Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana

Yes, I've read it was deliberate.

Were does a general keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.

I don't get it!

Oh that was the first joke my mum ever told me. I've gone all nostalgic.

what's brown and sticky .... a stick

Knock Knock
Who's there
Boo.
Boo who.
Don't cry it's only me.

What's and angry
A vicious circle.

Where did the bull and cow go to on their first date.
To see a mooovie.

I believe that cemetery round the corner is fantasic. People are dying to get in there.

Ill get my coat.

*peeling 🤦‍♀️ FFS

Two women on a night out when walking home through a church yard one gets caught short and has to pee, so ducks behind a gravestone, with nothin to wipe with she grabs a card from the bouquet on the grave , knickers up- staggers home

Next day the two husbands are chatting when one says to the other - "I think my wife might be having an affair "
Second bloke turns to first and says "what on earth would make you think that ?"
Bloke one says "well this morning when I woke up the wife was in bed , I found a card in her butt cheeks that said "from all the lads down the fire station, we will never forget you "

Or my old fave
How
Does an elephant as for a bun ?

(Do elephant action using arm as a trunk ....)
Can I have a bun please?

Yup. I work for them . Always tickled me .

I'm probably being dense but I don't get this one..

It's from a Punch cartoon of the 1930s and was supposed to exemplify a surreal brand of British humour! Why on earth might a hippo be remotely exercised by what day of the week it is? But you either relate to that kind of joke or you don't!

This one I remember from years ago, I think it was Bob Monkhouse.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father.................... not screaming in terror like his passengers!

And another Bob Monkhouse

They all laughed when I said I’d become a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.

It was a dark and stormy night when a man hears a knock on the door the man opens the door and there is a snail on the doorstep. The snail asks 'Can I come in out of the storm?' and the man's says 'No you can't, piss off, kicks the snail down the path and slams the door.

A year passes and once more there is a knock on the door, the man opens the door and the same snail is on the doorstep again. The snail looks up at the man and says 'What did you do that for?'