We want our evenings back

[IvanaB]

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a toddler to go to sleep alone?

My DS is 31 months. Since birth he was rocked to sleep. When he became too big to be rocked he had to be bounced (we had to be standing, not sitting). Our backs were breaking as he's a big boy.

He's now 31 months and moved from his cot to a single bed a couple of months ago. Since then, he can fall asleep in his bed but either DH or I have to be sitting beside his bed singing to him. We wouldn't have an issue with this if it didn't take, on average, 1.5 - 2hrs for him to fall asleep. Some nights it can take longer. He's in bed for 7.30/8 but often doesn't go to sleep until 9/9.30pm by which time, we are shattered and good for nothing.

He still gets up during the night too and needs us to repeat the process (thankfully it usually doesn't take anywhere near as long). We're just lucky that our 10 month old sleeps fairly well.

I'd love to be able to tuck him into bed, read him a story, sing him a lullaby and then leave him to drift off.

Wow some people really are twunts on here aren't they.

You've done nothing but be nasty on this thread, hun. Have a day off.

Drop the bap, he doesn't need it anymore! Then bring bedtime earlier.
Staying with your child while they fall asleep is not a bad habit.

Why did you have a baby if you want your evenings back 31 months in? Did you not consider this? Is a few more years sacrifice not worth it? Seriously, just be there for your baby, just cos the sun goes down doesn't mean they need you any less.

Unpopular opinion, but what’s wrong with him staying downstairs until 9-9.30pm if that’s what’s his body clock tells him?

honestly staying with a toddler in bed for 2hrs seems such a waste of time.
What happens if you just leave him there?
I would assume he may just play and then go sleep when he’s tired. Let him do that.
When he’s gonna start school he’s going to get more tired from running around and earlier bed time will come more natural.. or not. (I as a child have HATED bed time, and my parents tried to enforce the 9pm bed thing till about 12ish.. - I think they gave up in their mind around 10 because I just wasn’t tired and I woke up fine in the am, maybe groggy a bit but fine.) as an adult I still physically cannot get to bed before 11.30pm-12am and can still wake up energised at 5am. Some of us are just like that.

We have just invested in a Tonie box which is similar to a Yoto, just to throw another option into the mix.

It can play lullabies for a set time which might help you.

Good luck!

He is 5 months off turning 3. That is 16% of his life to date! Toddlers develop a lot month by month. I don't understand why OP is getting such unhelpful comments about the way she has described the age of her DS. If she'd said he was 2, people might have assumed he was just 24 months and given advice accordingly which wouldn't have been appropriate given how much toddlers develop in 7 months.

Easy to say until you've got a wired, overtired baby screaming at you.

No, he isn't. Two and a half is 30 months. He's just over two and a half.

Drop the nap!! It’s a clear sign he’s ready to drop it if it’s taking him that long to fall asleep. My almost 3 year old will do the same if she even sleeps 20 minutes in the buggy-will take her hours to fall asleep at night. No nap and she’s sleeping within minutes at 7pm.

@IvanaB You don't necessarily need a Yoto. They're overpriced and limited. A Bluetooth speaker in his room along with an Audible subscription would do. You could also try some music on Spotify if that will help.

Retreat then checks of 2/5/10 minute increments so he knows you're still there. It worked for us.

Our thing is we can't force sleep to a child that isn't ready but you do have to try to chill out in bed.

Toddler sleep training. “Taking Cara Babies” does a programme.

They have to learn how to go to bed and go to sleep. Pays off in the long run - for everyone’s sake

Another vote here for ditching the nap. It was a game changer for us at around this age with our eldest. She was kicking off at bedtime too

Just to say OP, DC1 and DC2 both dropped their midday nap at the same time, i.e. actual same point in time - there’s 18 months between them, so DC1 was about 3 and a half, and DC2 was 2. 2 is well within the realms of normal to be dropping day time naps, although some DC definitely take longer.

I’d go with a combo of dropping the midday nap (or at least trying that), and explaining what the new set-up is going to be (always found that if we explained stuff to DC in advance, they understood and didn’t have to read our minds as to what our expectations and intentions were) -

So, “you’ll have a bath at X time, then into bed for a story, and then I’ll tuck you in and say goodnight at X time. I’ll stay with you for X minutes then will pop out and [do random chore] before coming back in again to check on you. Remember this is because you’re a big boy now, who can go to bed on his own with [name of believed toy], and mummy and daddy are close by all the time, even if you can’t see us, we can hear you, yada, yada…”

Put him to bed later? You’re obviously putting him down too early! He’s so young, it’s not like he has to be up for school the next day!

We had this and it wasn't fun. We started by getting a Stair gate for his room. We do bath, teeth read a story and he plays in our room for half an hour usually jumping on the bed and hiding in the wardrobe. We then tell him it's bedtime, give kisses and tuck in. The first few days were really difficult and lots of shouting and crying. Now he goes to bed without a fuss by 7pm and sleeps until 7.30 and has for two years. Best of luck it's tough going!

Sleep training, adjusting a child's bedtime routine takes consistency, repetition, routine and strength, when you aren't feeling very strong because you're tired and fed up. But that's what it takes.

By a week 🙈🤣🤣🤣🤣

31 months 😂 Sorry OP that did make me
laugh, he’s 2. 31 months is just silly. He sounds over tired, I would bring bedtime forward a bit. Sometimes they get stuck in this routine of waking up and then get over tired and it’s self fulfilling.

1. It is definitely definitely the nap. I agree that you should gradually retreat to letting him fall asleep on his own but this will be tricky when he’s not really that tired. Drop the nap then do it - he will be properly tired at 7pm so will be much easier for him to learn.

1. No one would have batted an eyelid if you’d said “my son is 2 years 7 months” or “my son is two and a half” so the fact that some people find it so hilarious that you said 31 months probably shows that they’re just not capable of calculating months into months and years and/or just being massively bitchy for the sake of it.

Is he still napping in the day? If bedtime takes 2 hours he may be too tired. You will need to be firm for a few days: "stories for 30 minutes then sleep time" and stick to it. Good luck!

Cringing at the use of 31 months

Drop the nap - it's a long time for a child that age bring bed time forward

Just going off to calculate my age in months...

I don’t know why everyone is hating on the OP saying 31 months (or the general obsession on mumsnet for jumping on this). Of course the age in months is relevant to the thread. Advice might vary a lot depending on whether he is 24 months or 35 months.
Just say something constructive or keep scrolling!

@GlassBunion* *
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“I'm not the best person to ask as I'm an aged hag and someone, I feel sure, will come along and give you better advice.”

Aged hags give very sage advice! 👵🏻 😂