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Original poster

We want our evenings back

225 replies

IvanaB · 17/01/2023 20:48

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a toddler to go to sleep alone?

My DS is 31 months. Since birth he was rocked to sleep. When he became too big to be rocked he had to be bounced (we had to be standing, not sitting). Our backs were breaking as he's a big boy.

He's now 31 months and moved from his cot to a single bed a couple of months ago. Since then, he can fall asleep in his bed but either DH or I have to be sitting beside his bed singing to him. We wouldn't have an issue with this if it didn't take, on average, 1.5 - 2hrs for him to fall asleep. Some nights it can take longer. He's in bed for 7.30/8 but often doesn't go to sleep until 9/9.30pm by which time, we are shattered and good for nothing.

He still gets up during the night too and needs us to repeat the process (thankfully it usually doesn't take anywhere near as long). We're just lucky that our 10 month old sleeps fairly well.

I'd love to be able to tuck him into bed, read him a story, sing him a lullaby and then leave him to drift off.

OP posts:
Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 21:27

I'm aware that we've created this problem and he's only following our lead. We have made sure not to make the same mistake with our youngest, you live and learn!

Thank you for the recommendation of a Yoto, i'd never heard of it before but have looked it up and it sounds good. I agree that a gradual approach is probably best and will help him get into a new routine easier. I appreciate that consistency is key.

Thanks to those who have replied with constructive advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 21:32

WeWereInParis · 17/01/2023 21:23

I'd love to be able to tuck him into bed, read him a story, sing him a lullaby and then leave him to drift off.

What does he do when you try this? Cry? Scream? Get out of bed?

All of the above and he ends up waking his brother. It's really stressful (for all of us).

OP posts:
Scooby5kids · 17/01/2023 21:34

Literally laid on the floor next to my 20 month olds cot, in the dark, having the same thoughts 🥲🤣🤣🤣it will get better

Interested in this thread?

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9-12 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
Raggeo · 17/01/2023 21:39

He must be exhausted too. What time is he waking in morning, and does he have a nap? I have a 3 yo and 15mo both go to sleep by themselves but different things worked for them. For my eldest I would do bedtime routine and books etc then told him I would sit for 5 minutes then go do a job (usually something like out washing away or tidy upstairs or clean bathroom) . So he could still hear me upstairs moving about. I'd tell him I'd be back in to see him in 5mins,then gradually increasing the time, but I always went back when I said I would,and kept going back every 5/10mins.Eventually I could say that I would come back but give no time and then that I'd come back when he was sleeping.
My youngest was a lot harder work and I had to do the thing where I'd gradually move myself away from her bed until I could sit in the doorway then out the door.
Good luck!

Cakeandcardio · 17/01/2023 21:41

If he's taking so long to fall asleep then look at his routine during the day. If he's napping for 2 hours, reduce it to 1 by waking him up. If he no longer naps then he needs more exercise so take him a walk (if you can during the day). A 2 year old should be tired and ready for sleep about 7 - 7.45.
I read to my son and stroke his head etc until he falls asleep but it takes about 15-25 mins all in and is quite a pleasant time.

Hatscats · 17/01/2023 21:47

Stop nap if he’s having one, wake him up earlier. If it’s taking that long to fall asleep I doubt he is tired enough!
lots of outdoor exercise, we do lots of wild stuff before bed, jumping, tickling etc. use up last energy.
some kids just need helping to sleep and that’s normal - I was the same until really old!

Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 21:48

Scooby5kids · 17/01/2023 21:34

Literally laid on the floor next to my 20 month olds cot, in the dark, having the same thoughts 🥲🤣🤣🤣it will get better

We're not alone 🥴🤣

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 21:50

SO224350 · 17/01/2023 21:01

I'm 612 months 😀

Show quote history

I'm 396 🤣🤣

croclife · 17/01/2023 21:52

AnotherAppleThief · 17/01/2023 20:53

He's 2 and a half 🙄

Thank you, gave up trying to work out 31 months

Whatnextarghhhhhh · 17/01/2023 21:52

Stop nap if he’s having one, wake him up earlier. If it’s taking that long to fall asleep I doubt he is tired enough

I don’t think this is always true. Both my DC went through a phase of being masters at keeping themselves awake.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 17/01/2023 21:52

I think you need to start teaching him - Have a browse of Supernanny on YouTube. She goes through the techniques for this.

Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 21:54

Raggeo · 17/01/2023 21:39

He must be exhausted too. What time is he waking in morning, and does he have a nap? I have a 3 yo and 15mo both go to sleep by themselves but different things worked for them. For my eldest I would do bedtime routine and books etc then told him I would sit for 5 minutes then go do a job (usually something like out washing away or tidy upstairs or clean bathroom) . So he could still hear me upstairs moving about. I'd tell him I'd be back in to see him in 5mins,then gradually increasing the time, but I always went back when I said I would,and kept going back every 5/10mins.Eventually I could say that I would come back but give no time and then that I'd come back when he was sleeping.
My youngest was a lot harder work and I had to do the thing where I'd gradually move myself away from her bed until I could sit in the doorway then out the door.
Good luck!

I'm definitley going to try that, leaving the room for short, then extended periods and see if that works 👍 thank you.

He does still nap, although he skips it on occasion. Usually he will go down at lunchtime for around 1.5hrs.

He used to sleep right through, 8 - 7.30/8 but since his brother arrived he's been getting up anytime between 5.45 - 6.45am (not because of his brother, he's still sleeping at that time). We moved house in the summer too so there's been a lot of change for him which I think is contributing to it and he is shattered. I want to make things better for him as well as us.

OP posts:
Daydre4mer · 17/01/2023 21:55

We also have a 31 monther!

i made a poster chart thing with pictures of 3 books, so she knows she has 3 stories then it’s time to go to sleep.

2 Stories sitting up or on my lap, the last story is read with them laid down in bed, lights off (I can read by light of the hallway ) She now falls asleep during that last story.

stick to your guns, they will get used to it

WeWereInParis · 17/01/2023 21:55

In that case I'd try either moving away gradually, eg sitting in his room reading a book or something (not out loud, obviously), then sitting in the hallway etc. However, we did this with DD1 for ages and couldn't get past the stage of sitting in the hallway for ages until she fell asleep.
So what we then did at a similar age to your son was one of us would lie with her for a bit and then pretend we needed the loo and would be back. We'd always come back very quickly. Then I'd say I just needed to pop downstairs, and I'd take a little longer to come back. Then - oops, I've forgotten to take the bins out, wait 10 mins, then go back. If she got upset I'd stick my head up the stairs and say I was just coming, and I'd come back quicker. At first when we did this, we still ended up one of us lying with her until she fell asleep but after a while she'd just fall asleep herself during one of our trips downstairs. We never left her crying but I guess in theory it was similar to a controlled crying type method in that we went away for periods of time, came back, reassured her, sat with her for a minute, then left again. Clearly it's very child-dependent as to whether this will work, but for my DD it seemed to get her used to the idea that she was ok by herself and that we were around and would be back.
She's 3.5 now and we do stories and lie with her for a couple of minutes and then just say goodnight and leave. She's allowed to play/read a book as long as she's quiet (and doesn't wake DD2) and she tends to potter about her room for 10-20 mins and then go to bed.

Daydre4mer · 17/01/2023 21:56

Also- if she naps in day (long car journey or whatever) she is a NIGHTmare to get to sleep. And she copes fine with no naps. So it’s a No Nap rule here 😆

Eyebrowsaresistersnottwins · 17/01/2023 21:56

Could he be a bit overtired? I sometimes have more success with bedtime at 6/ 6.30pm than I do at 8pm if we've had a busy day.

IvanaB · 17/01/2023 21:56

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RandomPerson42 · 17/01/2023 21:58

Yikes! I loved reading to and singing my DC to sleep on an evening and 10 years later I miss it. It was amazing bonding time. I don’t get why some people think children are chores.

AlviesMam · 17/01/2023 22:01

I could have posted this!
My 2 year old is day 2 in toddler bed and what a nightmare , she wants lots of contact when falling asleep and I have to lay in the bed with her. When I try and creep out she opens her eyes. I feel so tired and at a loss of what to do. She did manage until 2am in her bed last night with two wake ups...
going to watch this post for advice too! X

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 17/01/2023 22:01

i would pick a time between when you’re currently putting the light off and the time he’s currently falling asleep, when you think he should be tired enough to sleep quickly. Before bedtime explain exactly wat the new plan is. That you will do x, y, z then put on a story CD (or app, whatever) and he will get to listen to that while mummy goes downstairs to do some jobs. You promise to pop back and check on him but he mustn’t get up. Then do your usual bed routine, then story on, stay 5 minutes then say you’re going to go now but will check on him, and leave the bedroom door open with a light outside and say you’ll be back soon to check on him, then go. I think the voice of the story makes them feel less lonely. There are some brilliant bedtime audios available for little ones. I’ve just done this with my 3 year old

motherfugga · 17/01/2023 22:03

To be fair I recently took my kid to his 27 month NHS review. When talking about medical stuff everyone seems in the habit of using months for some reason.

Why kick a knackered mum when she's down over something daft rather than contribute helpfully anyway. Says more about you than her!

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 17/01/2023 22:03

Ps I think it’s important to stay with him in the dark for 5 minutes with the story on so it’s not ‘lights out, the mummy goes’. It’s
Lights off
audio on
stay few minutes
mummy goes but promises to check bsck

Nowthatlovehasperished · 17/01/2023 22:05

Lots of fresh air and exercise. No screens at least 1 hour before bed.

Wren in bed - story, kiss and then leave.

He will most likely protest to the change, but persevere and it will be fine.

You're not hurting him, just saving your sanity and that is in his best interest.

Original poster
IvanaB · 17/01/2023 22:06

RandomPerson42 · 17/01/2023 21:58

Yikes! I loved reading to and singing my DC to sleep on an evening and 10 years later I miss it. It was amazing bonding time. I don’t get why some people think children are chores.

Because they can be at times! 'Some people' have other responsibilities out-with child rearing and getting time to attend to them can be challenging.

OP posts:
Newnamefornewyear2023 · 17/01/2023 22:07

Pps my little boy is currently getibg ladybird sleepy takes. It’s working a treat!