We want our evenings back

[IvanaB]

Does anyone have any tips on how to get a toddler to go to sleep alone?

My DS is 31 months. Since birth he was rocked to sleep. When he became too big to be rocked he had to be bounced (we had to be standing, not sitting). Our backs were breaking as he's a big boy.

He's now 31 months and moved from his cot to a single bed a couple of months ago. Since then, he can fall asleep in his bed but either DH or I have to be sitting beside his bed singing to him. We wouldn't have an issue with this if it didn't take, on average, 1.5 - 2hrs for him to fall asleep. Some nights it can take longer. He's in bed for 7.30/8 but often doesn't go to sleep until 9/9.30pm by which time, we are shattered and good for nothing.

He still gets up during the night too and needs us to repeat the process (thankfully it usually doesn't take anywhere near as long). We're just lucky that our 10 month old sleeps fairly well.

I'd love to be able to tuck him into bed, read him a story, sing him a lullaby and then leave him to drift off.

"Oh lord some people are really harsh with their kids.

I agree with a PP who said our babies are not burdens!"

Of course they're not burdens but the OP just wants some time back in the evenings rather than belting out CBeebies bangers for 2 hours a night.

My 106 year old is in bed beside me now, I'm not harsh on him. He loves to crawl in when his dad is on nights. I'd draw the line at a 2 hour intensive bedtime though!

Just get rid of the nap. If he gets out of bed at night, say nothing and put him straight back in. Singing for two hours is ridiculous. If he understands rewards, give him a reward for staying in bed. He'll learn soon enough if you stop pandering to him.

Have you tried later bedtime for him?

Get the Ferber sleep training book.
This is why babies should be left to fall asleep on their own, not rocked.
Rod for your own back.

Wow. 106 month old 🤣 I'm not that ancient.

Thank you all!

What I've taken from this thread is:

1. Drop/reduce the nap
2. Bring bedtime forward
3. Get a yoto/audio book app
4. Persevere
5. Some folk are arseholes

Good luck! It's not easy but I agree with routine and audiobooks once you've had a nice relaxing bedtime story. It might work or it might just buy you half an hour.

Yes, let him be.
Have you every left him to sooth himself to sleep? Have you ever allowed him to have his thoughts and dreams to carry him off to sleep?
Or are you always there, singing and holding and talking to him.
Why wouldn't you give a child some space to grow and learn?

Putting my age and DS's age into months rather than years has been an eye opener, so thanks for that too! Weirdly I thought we'd been around for many more months than we had, so a good result.

You need to be tougher, you put him to bed. Read him a story and say good night. Leave the hall light on, if he gets out of bed you keep putting him back, no talking back to bed.
You are letting him rule you, he isn't a small baby he's nearly there. X.

Just to echo PP's

31 months 😂😂😂

He's 2 and a half love

I’m so happy this was the first comment because I was genuinely reading the OP like ‘what the hell is 31 months’😂 I clearly can’t count. I have a 20 month old and I most times I say 1 and a half year old because I cba

Put him to bed. Shut the door. If he comes out, put him back to bed. Shut the door.

Or just give up your evenings and let him stay up and have mornings back instead!

Whatever you do, you need to take a deep breath.

He is almost three, and in my 11 years of parenting after 18 months everyone starts to refer to years as it becomes a bit daft. Anyone you talk to IRL will quietly think you are a little bit 🤪

Gradual retreat OP. I'd get him a yoto with some if the Sleepytales/bedtime meditation cards. Use that instead of you singing. Give it a few days of you sitting as usual. Then move a foot away. Still there, yoto still on. Every few days move away a bit more. Then go to the (night night, I'm just going to the loo/blow my nose/check the cat/whatever. Go back but drag it out. Also, approach this as a done deal, firm but fair. This is how we're doing it. Good luck!

My twins are 3 and I have to hold their hands and sing them to sleep…usually after an hour of the buggering around, another 30 mins of calm.

It’s hard and I’m shattered, but they’re 3 and presumably won’t be doing this forever. I love them so much it’s worth.

You can take all the advice in the world, but you have to do what works for you.

Solidarity 💐

Christ OP there are some really horrible replies here.

For what it’s worth, both mine needed a huge amount of support going to sleep.

We are all different and children need different things. I stopped reading what others were doing or asking for advice.

Do what feels right for you and him.

It is horrible not having your evenings but he will crack it at some point.

Once I accepted that the hard bedtimes were just our lot and it would pass at some point but got easier. It’s almost as if they understood I was more relaxed and they could relax.

31 months 🤣 yes but how many days old are they?????

I think what you meant to say is "my 2 and a half year old..."

Oh come on people give the poor woman a break, the 31 months joke was not funny on the first page it certainly isn’t on the 4th!

Our eldest went to bed quite late at that age, she needed attention and to wind down. She would play a lot in daycare, but still.... since she started school she is more easily tired so sleeps earlier. So a later bedtime may also work.

We had similar issues for a while. After the evening ritual I went to fold laundry in our bedroom and popped in every 5 minutes or so. That worked! Fell asleep by herself.

6 Toddlers eventually learn to sleep but arseholes remain arseholes.

So your winning.

You’re!

Have you read my earlier replies about him crying, screaming and getting out of bed when left?

Im still sitting with my scared 8 year old son at bedtime so only a few more years to go for you 😅